Trying to Crack that Cell Password?!

Situation:

Has the dreaded password protected cell phone issue come up in your relationship yet? Is your partner suspicious of your locked phone? Let’s get into it!

Don't get busted trying to crack the code!

She Says:

Be prepared for a rather short post from me.  As we all know, I am a single girl loving life right now; so I have to write this as a hypothetical:

If my future boyfriend should ask me for my iPhone password, or request that I take my iPhone password off, my answer would be a simple – HELL NO!! Let me correct that: my answer would be F*CK NO!

My iPhone is like my brain – for me, it houses much more than text messages, Facebook, and the glorious Twitter. Forgive me as I defer to the third person to clarify through the following statement: A’s iPhone = A’s life. My iPhone password is just as precious to me as my Social Security number. There is no way that I would I would share it with anyone. And I for damn sure am not removing my password lock in order to ease a man’s insecurities or trust issues, leaving my personal banking and other private information unprotected. No ma’am no girl.

My future boyfriend asking for my iPhone password is the equivalent of my going into his wallet, taking out his debit card and asking for his pin number. That would be quite redonkulous, don’t ya think?!

A

He Says:

The cell phone happens to be the greatest invention of modern times.  It’s a small device that can connect you to every aspect of your life in an instant.  For many of my ninja friends out there, it is the life line to jawns near and far.  But the cell phone can also be the source of destruction in your dealings with females—that is, if you don't properly protect yourself and your investments.  This is why I am an advocate for Homeland Security style defense on the cell phone at all times. 

Most of my female counterparts will say that a man with a lock on his phone has something to hide.  Well, let me tell you point blank---YOU DAMN RIGHT!  I know so many people that have gotten caught up in drama due to misconstrued information from a brief glimpse at a cell phone.

Unfortunately, humans are a nosey bunch.  We want to find out what is going on behind the metaphorical curtain, a.k.a. someone else’s cell phone screen.  In my younger days, I got caught up in many situations where my cell phone was compromised due to this type of curiosity.  I received many questionable emails, the content of which, I had no control over.  But being the trusting person I was, I didn’t think it was necessary to hide these things from any jawns I was dealing with by locking my phone.  At the end of the day though, these jawns were magically drawn to searching through it and trying to decipher everything that was happening in my life.  This is clearly partially my fault, for not deleting certain items upon receipt---but it ended up being a learning learned; I now know to always wrap up my cellular Trojan Magnum style. 

Clearly the technological minds behind mobile phones know this as well, as phones are so advanced now, that you can have some amazing locking devices.  You can lock your entire phone or lock just your app--even get alerts whenever someone tries to break into your phone!  Technology has been a blessing to all you ninjas out there still in the game.  So wrap your stuff up, don't share your password and cover all bases; this is the path to avoiding dumb arguments—make sure all your sh*t is on LOCK.  Men, we are not smart enough to come up with lies like women.  So make sure you are one step ahead of the game! Protect yourself!

Herman Cain approves this post!

K

Cheating?! There's An App for That!!

Situation:

As Cuffin Season approaches, many men and women are starting to receive the subtle signs of sexual interests from jawns around the world. For many of us in a relationship, this is the time when cheating becomes rampant! But what actually constitutes cheating in this new age of texting, Twitter, and Facebook? FDLF is here to dissect.



What are you doing over there?



He Says:

In this new age of folk being overly sensitive, it is definitely time for us to reevaluate what constitutes cheating versus innocent friendliness.  Being in a relationship, I have a good perspective on what I would consider cheating and what should be brushed under the rug.  A lot of times people get all up in arms over simple, harmless communication.  Since I am a man with a ridiculous amount of female friends, sticky situations where technology disrupts the peace definitely occur.   So to that end, let me put the guidelines down on paper for all of you who can’t tell the difference between cheating and not cheating in the age of Twitter and Facebook. 

1. If I get a DM, email, picture, or text from someone, and I didn’t ask for it---that is not cheating!  This should be a pretty simple inclination, but a lot of people fail to realize this.  If a sexy, big breasted woman decides that she randomly wants to show me the size of her areola---that doesn’t mean I am cheating on you.  And just like I can’t control a woman sending the visual of her jugs, I also can’t control  a woman sending me a text telling me she loves me, wants to marry me, or wants to bear my children.  Some women are very vocal and opinionated about what they want.  I would never ask a woman to tell me all those things because that would just be incriminating and well, stupid.  Bottom line: if you didn’t ask for the information, it isn’t cheating. 

2.  Just because I may be calling, g-chatting or texting the same person on a regular basis---it doesn’t mean I’m cheating.  If this was the case, the whole world would think A was my other woman.  Women shouldn’t assume their partner is cheating based solely on volume of communication.  And you all might disagree---but I am just keeping it real from my perspective.  Just because I’m talking to someone throughout most of my work day doesn’t mean I'm smashing them at the Motel 6 when I leave out. Quite simply, it means I want something to do at work other than just work. Besides human communication is good for the soul!  Leave it at that and you shouldn’t have any problems. 

3.  “That was just some head---and head don't count right??”  My man Andre 3000 asked a very important question a few years back.  Does head constitute cheating??  Realistically, most people have no emotions when it comes to getting head from a jawn.  It’s kind of like masturbating---but it just happens that someone else is doing the work for you.  Honestly though---if you aren’t getting the nuts from the one you love, there may be a deeper conversation you need to have; because if you’re moanin’ from another ninja’s head game, then yes you are cheating. 

I want to be clear---a lot of these issues can be solved with simple communication.  It comes down to the principle of being honest with your partner.  Don't go behind your partner’s back and “investigate” things, then get mad if you find something that you have no understanding of; ultimately you put yourself and them in an awkward position.  And don't get all upset just because your boo is chatting it up with another jawn.  Feel free to communicate with people from the opposite sex, because at the end of the day that will only help your sanity.  And as long as he or she isn’t smashing and dashing, then you have no reason not to keep it peaceful.

K

She Says:       

I’m not completely sure what to say on the topic of digital cheating, since I am not in a relationship. I do not have to deal with this issue-- unless I am the other woman which, to my knowledge, I have never been (thank God!). Hopefully I can keep my track record clean in that particular area.

With that said, and given past blog topics, you guys know that I firmly believe that any information about someone that is on the internet is fair game for exploration for dating purposes. My motto is “any information about you found on the internet can and shall be used against you”. This especially applies to information found on social media sites—particularly incriminating information and proof of infidelity.

So often now-a-days you hear people say, “Facebook ruins lives”. But let’s be honest: Facebook didn’t ruin your life, it’s just that got you caught all the way up via Facebook. And Facebook isn’t the only destination for digital cheating, so all the blame can’t be placed on that one site – there is also Twitter, Gchat, text, Skype, and even MySpace. Yes, MySpace! It’s practically dead on that site but a male friend told me that’s why it’s great to hook up with people there; because no one thinks it is still in use. That made me chuckle.

But I digress. In my opinion, digital cheating is no different than cheating in person; it’s all about the person’s intent. In fact, it would seem that digital cheating has become the modern day gateway to “live” cheating; a” test the waters” situation, if you will. “Let me see if so and so really digs me at all and we can see where it goes from there”. I don’t care if you smashed another chick, sent a heaux an unrequested d*ck pic, or spent every night on Skype with your jumpoff after I had gone to bed--cheating is cheating. Just because the affair happened via a technological device doesn’t mean the trust of the relationship wasn’t damaged or that the shit hurt any less.

What are your thoughts? If your partner cheated on you via Facebook would you leave or would you stay? Have you cheated using technology? Talk to me!

A

Is He Ready for a Relationship?!

Situation:
When a woman has decided she wants to be in a relationship, she begins to target it with laser point focus. Yet, often times while she is dating, she’ll fail to pay attention to certain signs from her suitors that clearly caution that perhaps this person is not in the same place she’s in. Let’s examine some of these signs:

Stop wasting countless nights wondering if he is ready! Let FDLF help!

She Says:
Let’s face it: not everyone dates with the intention of getting into a committed relationship. And that’s okay—as long as both people are on the same page. Issues occur when one person (usually the woman) wants a monogamous relationship, while the other party (usually the male) wants to continue to see several people. There are some key ways to tell that a man is not ready for a relationship. He is not ready to commit—at least not to you--if:


1. He lies – Should you over hear the guy you’re dating lie to anyone—whether it’s his boss, his grandmother, his homeboy or his little sister: run! It doesn’t matter how small or how big the lie. If he tells lies in any aspect of his life—especially important areas like his job; he will lie to you too (if he hasn’t already). One of the keys to a successful partnership is honesty so you want to be sure you’re with someone who can be open.


2. He asks “What is your fantasy?” – Yes, many couples do eventually have this conversation, and it’s perfectly healthy—after their commitment is solid, and they have already experimented and are now looking for additional ways to add spice to the relationship. If a man starts to inquire about your fantasies within the first few weeks of dating, or prior to committing to you—he is not looking for a relationship; he is looking to have fun, and feeling you out to find out just how far he can get you to go. Don’t fall for it. And don’t let him get anything on video. Just saying.


3.  He makes excuses for or flat out says “no” to family gatherings, work events or social gatherings with your closest friends - He doesn't want to attend, because he doesn’t want to give the wrong idea about his allegiance to you to any of the important people in your life. Ironically in this case, he’s doing you a favor; his not attending will save you from being embarrassed for not realizing what becomes immediately and glaringly obvious to everyone else, and from having the awkward “what happened to so and so?” conversation later on.


4. He does anything other than CALL you to acknowledge your birthday and other holidays - A man who values you and sees you as relationship potential will properly acknowledge occasions that are special to you. He will not tweet, text, FB or bbm you (especially not including you in a broadcast bbm message! Getting one of these on a holiday means your level of importance to him is about on par with that of his old college professor whose number he never deleted out of his phone.) If you are important to him, he will call. Period. Anything additional will be a bonus and show that he continued to think about you.


5. He fails to do anything with you for your birthday or the holidays - Even if there's no gift exchange, he will give you his time if you are important to him. Even if holidays are not a big deal to him, he will extend himself for you. 


6. He talks about making a date, but never makes one - If he consistently sends messages that he wants to see you and is going to make a date--but never actually does, he is trying to keep you hanging on. This is in case he decides he does want to see you or sleep with you in the future (whenever he's not with whatever other women he's seeing). His desire is to make sure you remain open to it. It's kind of like sticking your foot in the front door right before you leave your apartment, just to make sure there isn't anything else inside that you want or need before the door locks behind you and you can't just walk right back in. There’s less effort that way, right?


7. You’ve been to his home several times and never seen the entire place - If you have been to a man’s home and only seen the kitchen, bathroom and his bedroom (unless he lives in a studio or a one-bedroom), you may not have a future with him. It seems like such a small thing, but a man who is interested in pursuing a relationship with you will include you in the little things too. He'll give you a tour of his home because (1) it’s the polite thing to do when you have a guest—so if he’s already thrown common courtesies out the window, well… (2) he wants you to know what he's all about or (3) he wants you to be impressed by the smell of rich mahogany and his many leather-bound books. Whatever the reason, if you’re getting escorted from the front door to the bedroom and back to the sidewalk, with maybe a glass of water in-between; I think you know what kind of situation you’ve got on your hands.

These are general signs, and by no means is it an exhaustive list; there will always be other idiosyncrasies that are unique to the personality of the individual. So it is no longer enough to just beware of him only calling or texting you during "booty call" hours; serial daters have learned to use more subtle tactics to keep you around for as long as possible without giving you what you want. There are also exceptions to every rule; it's just important to pay attention to everything the man you're dating is doing and saying to be sure those things are aligned with each other--and in line with what you want to result from your interaction with him. The bottom line though, is that if a man wants a relationship with you, he will make it crystal clear. If you’re not sure, ask. If you’re still unclear--buy a shiny new lip gloss, hit the gym or visit the nail salon; do whatever you need to do to look and feel your best so you can move on to snag another potential bf.


KJ


KJ pens fashion, beauty and lifestyle articles on her personal blog, Chic Mommy, Cool Kid; and co-authors a women’s empowerment blog, Peace Love and Pretty Things. She is also our fabulous editor here at Friends Don't Let Friends.

How Soon is Too Soon? Part 2

She Says:

K is on "vacay" aka he's been slacking on the writing game lol! He'll be back don't you guys worry. However, today we have a guest blogger, our good friend WD!!

LOL!

He Says:
Let me start by saying that I am in no way the caliber of writer as A or K, however; what I lack in artistic expression I make up for in sheer honesty and sincerity.

Now, to the topic at hand: too many people believe there is some mathematical equation that determines when a woman should make the decision to sleep with a man, i.e. y=mx+b (where x = time you’ve know him, m= how he treats you and b = how you met or some variation of this formula). I believe this ideology to be false on the premise that every situation is different and no one matrix or equation can predict when it is the perfect time for a man and woman to have sex. This is a very complex question, without a simple right or wrong answer; in fact there are several billion people in the world and I am willing to bet every one of them could come up with a unique reason and name an appropriate time frame for sleeping with someone. Rather than offer a one-sided narrative of this situation I would like to present like Jamie and Adam of Mythbusters and secretly expose you to some of my “cold hard facts” about the “sexframe” (time frame it takes to have sex):

1.      From the day a man meets you and gets your information he is testing you to see how quickly you will sleep with him. Yes there are exceptions to every rule, but in the same manner that women test men, men do the same; this is just another one of the games we so frequently like to play.

2.      One night stands are (for the most part) a myth, since someone is going to call the other --no longer allowing it to be a one night stand in its purest form, meaning  just one night. Too many people place sex on the first night on their despised list but the truth of the matter is, it happens (so some of you ladies are lying when you say “Nuh uh I’d never do that”). One night stands shouldn’t be considered the red-headed step child of the dating game, yet I would strongly urge against them if you don’t have the strength to deal with the emotional ramifications—both good and bad--that could result.

3.      To the point of #2, having sex quickly doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll get the cold shoulder quickly. Sex on the first night can definitely lead to longer, somewhat fulfilling relationships, just not to marriage! If you have sex on the first night, no matter how fun it was, you probably aren’t the one for that particular guy. You are probably a great woman but there is one very simple reason you will never be his wife: most men are cocky and self-centered by nature; we all believe our game is tight, but we know it’s not that damn tight. If we got you into bed on the first night, chances are someone else has too--or someone else will in the future. This may or may not actually be the case, but either way, that’s what we are thinking. We can’t have that in the backs of our minds while we are walking down the aisle.

4.      If you are genuinely looking for a partner, the best time to have sex is not defined by any book, magazine or nosey friend; but instead by the time frame in which you truly believe the man has done enough to show you he genuinely cares about you. Please don’t put a time frame on this; for some it takes 2 weeks, for some it takes 2 months and for others it works after 75 text messages--every case is unique. Also please don’t feel bad if you get it wrong (most people do these days), but instead remember you can’t hit a homerun if you never swing. Additionally, many women make the critical error of comparing “lockout times” (amount of time they hold out from sex)! This is a mistake, because as I stated before all situations are different; just because T did it in 5 dates, 14 phone calls and 64 text messages doesn’t mean you have to or even that you should. (Sorry for the lame sports analogies but sports are my life.)

To wrap up, I’d like to thank A and K very much for allowing me to speak on their forum. To some this may be new information; to others this may all be a crock of S#%t. Either way, it’s just my honest opinion, which is what I promised!

WD

How Soon is Too Soon? Part 1

Situation:

No nice set up here – Is it possible to sleep with a man too soon? Let’s talk about it!

She Says:

How does one answer this question? I think it really depends on what you are truly comfortable with. Personally, I do not have a set time limit of 3 months, 2 days, or when the moon is in Aquarius -- I just do it when I feel comfortable. However, the fact is, once a girl starts dating, she is often told that the golden rule to dating is – “Don’t sleep with that man too soon!” Too soon is relative right?!

I once asked a dude if he formed an opinion about me after we hooked up, and he said that he did. He went on to say that he thought I was “a woman who knew what (I) wanted and liked, but was maybe not ready to settle down…” He continued with some other things that I will not share as I feel I sometimes share a little too much with my readers (though I know you guys appreciate it, LOL!). But my point here is that based off of that first time he had already assumed that I was not ready for marriage. Hmmm…okay!

In my opinion, men can be pseudo-hypocrites when it comes to the rules and judgments around sleeping with a woman.  Hear me out: what I mean, is that they do everything in their power to get you to sleep with them—courting you, giving you an oil change, helping you move boxes, talking on the phone, etc--then you finally sleep with them and it is deemed “too soon”; and all of the sudden your value plummets in their eyes.  Why is this?! Men make the assumption that because, for example, Bonquisha slept with them in whatever time frame she did, that she must obviously do this with every single man she encounters. So Bonquisha gets labeled “not marriage material” because she smashed too soon. What a load of bullshit! It stands to reason that not every man Bonquisha encounters is marriage material either--maybe he was simply meant to fill a certain void in her life at the moment, and all he was meant to be was penis meat—but this shouldn’t negate her own potential to be a good mate.

Nevertheless, this seems to continue to be an issue when you want to build a relationship with a guy. Dating right now is all a numbers game; there are so many more available women in the world, than there are available men. So maybe there is pressure for women to sleep with men quickly because of the fear that he could possible getting it from someone else. Often I hear the sentiment from women that they are feeling a guy but don’t want to lose his attention by making him wait for sex. Honestly, does making a guy wait create the perfect environment for a long-term relationship? I don’t think so!  So what’s a girl to do??

In my opinion, it shouldn’t matter! Throw all the stupid rules out the window and do what feels right to you.  If dude really likes you, it shouldn’t matter if y’all have sex for the first time on the 1st date or the 20th date. If dude has a problem, in the words of my late grandmother, “Momma had him, Momma f^ck him…”

A

P.S. 'He Says' is coming tomorrow and we have a treat for you guys! :)

House, Check! Job, Check! Man....

Situation:   Recently, A was in a conversation with someone who told her that she was not “marriage material” because she “does not need a man.” Needless to say this comment erupted into a whole argument. However, an unbridled curiosity has been peaked regarding whether or not men think women who are self sustaining don’t need them.

Yes...but I still need ya!

She Says:

Let me start by saying that when I was told that I was not “marriage material” it was like taking a punch to the gut. In that instant, I envisioned myself at 60 years old, with no husband or children; but instead with 30 cats (I abhor cats) in an empty house eating canned tuna. However, I quickly snapped out of it and thought, “Hold up Shawty, you don’t know me!” *in my best T.I voice*

When I asked the man why he deemed me unworthy to be married, he stated the following reasons: “You own your own home, you are working on your masters, you don’t need my money--you good…” His list continued with more stupid monetary and tangible items, and as he continued to ramble I began to realize that this guy is a dud anyway.

But yes, I do own my home and I will be graduating with my masters in December. Yes, I can pay my own car note and pay all my bills on time.  But tell me why that means I don’t need a man.  Yes, I can provide myself with food, clothing, and shelter – my basic needs in life—without the help of a man. But as adults, shouldn’t we all be able to take care of ourselves? Would you want to marry someone who could not take care of his or herself?

I finally interjected this young man to say that you don’t want someone who needs you to take care of them; you want someone who is dependent upon you for all of the intangible things that being in a partnership provides.  There is a difference. Women like to have men around for many reasons like the obvious things – shoveling snow, carrying the groceries in, fixing broken things in the house, etc. LOL.  Though it’s nice to have men to do these are things, I can (and do) handle them on my own. Needing a man is more than the physical and monetary benefits; it is also about companionship, connecting, encouragement, intimacy, love, partnership and support. It’s having someone to make you feel appreciated, respected, secure and special. It is—simply put—about needing real, unconditional love. 

Therefore, I can do everything for myself, but I am not going to want to do it alone forever. My self-sufficiency is not meant to be intimidating or challenging to men. And the simple fact remains:  I DO NEED A MAN!! 

*sings*  I can pay my own light bill baby, Pump my own gas in my own car, I can buy my own shoe collection, I've been blessed thus far, I can kill the spider above my bed, Although it's hard because I'm scared, I can even stain and polyurethane…And even though I can do all these things by my damn self, I need you, I do, I do, I do, I do… -Jill Scott
A

He Says:

It is very interesting to hear this question: should a woman actually need me?  As I ponder it, many things come to mind.  I would love for a person to feel as if I give them so much that it becomes a part of their being; that puts the onus on me to want to continue being the best man that I can be for the woman I am with.  But in actuality, I don't want a woman to need me for anything. I think that can be cause for overly emotional connections that can ultimately be unhealthy.  I appreciate the love that I receive from a woman and, at the end of the day, I want her to want the things that I bring to the table; but not necessarily need them.

I always thought that men who wanted a woman to “need” them had self esteem issues.  I don't want someone to rely on me to the point where I would have some type of control over them.  I know tons of men who want a woman to need them financially, sexually, and emotionally because they have a need to have someone locked onto them to make them feel a sense of power in their lives.  I NEVER really trusted dudes like this, and women---you shouldn’t either!   These ninjas out here brainwash women to believe that they can supply every one of their needs.  I'm sorry, but only baby Jesus can do that.  My sh*t never got hard when a woman needed me.  In retrospect, those were the women that I actually shied away from.      

You see, I’ve grown up with a momma that worked a full time finance job.  Had my pops slipped up, she would have been completely self-sufficient and ok to survive on her own. But the thing I appreciated about my parents’ relationship (and a lot of old school relationships), is that each partner was thankful for the tasks and talents that the other brought to the union.  There wasn’t a sense of “needing” one another, but it was a mutual understanding of the things each person brought to the table.  A relationship should not be one sided.  My dad cooked, ate, drank beer, slept, and cut the grass.  My mom, on the other hand, entertained, washed clothes, and effectively shopped every week for the whole house.  But if one person was not there, the other party would never have felt helpless because they were so dependent on their partner.  

When I walk down the aisle, I think it’s important that my wife talks to me about the things she would like to see me do.  I want to be the backbone for my wife and be the person that she can rely on for anything.  But, I don't want her to feel that she’d be completely helpless if I wasn’t in the picture.  I love a strong minded woman that has faith in her own ability to do any and everything without the help of a man.  To me, a self sufficient woman is the sexiest.  Be educated, be sexy, be financially stable, and bring all those great qualities to build a great relationship.   But no woman should ever need me, nor do I want her to, as I don't need a woman’s dependence in order to feel good about myself.  I appreciate, and have more respect for a woman who doesn’t need me—but wants me.

K

Quench Your Thirst

Situtation: The thirst…OH THE GOD DAMN THIRST!

DRINK UP!

She Says:

Thirst (thûrst) –noun

1. A sensation of dryness in the mouth and throat caused by need of liquid.

2. The physical condition resulting from this need, in any of various degrees

3. Strong or eager desire; craving: a thirst for knowledge.

Ahhh! Good ‘ol dictionary.com never fails me. I wanted to put the definition of thirst out on Front Street. The sex/relationship/love/marriage struggle is real in these here streets. Trust me I know. However, epic failures in the dating arena are pushing people over the edge and quite honestly, THE THIRST IS SLAYING ME.   

Women are often easily and erratically labeled as thirsty because of the ratio of women to men; since women outnumber men so drastically in the dating scene the female thirst seems more apparent. But let’s just get this straight: the thirst is not exclusive to one sex; both men and women are guilty of this horrendous behavior. Confused on what thirsty behavior is? Let me explain.

If you have ever:

1. Sent a crazy letter expressing your love for someone--even after they have told you, “Thanks, but no thanks!” several times; you might be thirsty!

2. Kept making unanswered requests for dates and professing your love to your pregnant wife’s Soror, then you might be thirsty!

3. Found yourself constantly coming out of pocket to save the object of your affection from his or her problems, yet they will not even loan you a penny to scratch your lottery ticket; yeah, you are thirsty! 

4. Been studying to be a doctor and then stopped going to medical school because your new boo only had a GED and you did not want to intimidate them--yup, you guessed it: ya ass is thirsty!

5. As a grown man soliciting for Baby Mommas in your Facebook status, you need help. I recently saw a status that asked: “If u were paid 1,000 dollars to make a baby for someone would you do it just asking!” O_O…. We have a problem: YOU ARE F^CKING DEHYRDATED!

Thirst could be avoided if people simply understood that it exists because the affection they’re expressing is not mutual. It is perpetuated by men and women who have such a strong desire to be with someone, nay anyone, that they often lose sight of themselves. If you know someone who exhibits this behavior, please--I beg of you--sit him or her down, grab a blanket, wrap it around them and offer them some Gatorade or H2O. Make them drink until their thirst is quenched. It is your moral obligation as a friend to save them because Friends Don’t Let Friends…. 

A

He Says:

Ladies and Gentleman, The Thirst gets real on these here streets.  Since I have only ever dealt with women, I will speak on the thirsty female jawns that exist out here.  Ladies, your thirstiness is annoying and offensive to us; and outright embarrassing for you.  I honestly, in my heart, feel bad for the extent that some of you will go to for the attention of a man.  I have found myself consistently on the receiving end of thirsty actions.  As a younger man, I thought that only crazy women were capable of being thirsty.  But as I have grown up a little bit, I have come to the conclusion that even the most educated, well put-together woman can have a dry well and act out on it.   

There are a few different kinds of thirsty jawns that I would like to present.  Men please keep your eyes open for these women and proceed with caution:   

1. Thirsty jawn #1 is the one that is thirsty for you to wife her.  Normally, there are no visible signs of the thirst until after you have explained to her that the two of you are just friends.  However, generally this type of woman does not want to accept that there is no chance of things ever progressing, and that she is permanently in the friend zone.  Instead, this culprit will proceed to text, call, email, FB, and tweet you, expressing her love and affection for you on a regular basis, in hopes that you will change your mind. To this end, I have a word of advice to the women out there who may fall into this category:  a man is not going to leave his wife for you.  He might smash you, but he is not coming to wife you.  It’s just not going to happen.  My advice is ---either learn to be his BFF or learn to be his jump-off; because in all honesty---anything else would be uncivilized. 

2. Thirsty jawn #2 is the one that is itching for the D.  Man. Something about your tongue or your Phallus has caused this poor woman to go into a trance.  She is thinking about you banging her out on a daily basis, and is doing any and everything she can to bring this to fruition.  The problem is this makes her come off as an effin nut job.  Case in point—ma’am, please don’t send me a picture of your cooch while I’m working on an excel spreadsheet at the office (especially if I told you that you needed to wash that sh*t in the first place). Look, if I wanted to bang you again---you would know.  After a while, your constant sexual advances just become annoying.  After a year of begging and pleading, you should be clear on the fact that meeting you at Brown’s Motel at your request is not in my plan of action for the day.  Go buy yourself a vibrator and some baby wipes---and have a good night!

3. Thirsty jawn #3 is the most deadly of all.  This is the woman that you won’t smash and you won’t wife, so she is now intent on destroying your life.  Thirsty jawn #1 and 2 each have the capacity to turn into #3 if their advances are not cut off in a timely fashion. This jawn will slash your tires because you won’t love her; or will try to permanently f*ck up your relationship because you won’t leave your girl for her.  Unfortunately this woman will go to any and every extreme to wreak havoc in your life, and when she doesn’t get what she wants; her vindictiveness can cause even more damage.  I once had a woman fabricate a whole story about me smashing her and tell it to a girlfriend; the events in the story never happened.  At the end of the day, these women are not to be messed with.  They are thirsty AND out to kill your dreams and take your life.

At the end of the day ladies, your thirsty behavior has got to stop.  It is neither healthy for you nor the poor men you are affecting.  As a caring soul, I want to tell you how much of a fool you appear to be when you involve yourself in inappropriate activities based on thirst. So do me a favor---go grab yourself some water and end the drought; because neither I, nor the other men of the world, have the time or the inclination to quench it for you.   

K

Sound the Damn Alarms!

Situation:

It happens all the time. The statistics are astounding. Every second 2,000 women receive communication from their exes, just as they are getting comfortable with the next guy.  (No, that is not the actual statistic, but you get the point.)


She Says:

I am always amazed at the uncanny ability of the male species to always pop back up just when you are moving on with someone else in your life. You are spending time with your new guy, laughing at his jokes, flirting uncontrollably, gushing about him to your friends, holed up in his brownstone in NY--and then, all of a sudden, here come the ghosts of boyfriends past. Like clockwork you start to receive random telegraphs, text messages, Morse code signals, phone calls, tweets, FB messages, and smoke signals. Every single time the possibility exists that you might be happy with the next dude, ex boyfriends, boos, ex smangers--or whatever-- start falling out the sky, bringing with them profound confessions of love and admiration for you.  EXCUSE ME SIR, PLEASE GO THAT WAY! =======>Yes, all the way over there!

I want to know how they know that you are happy with someone else. I really want/need to know this because the timing of the reappearance of ex boyfriends, boos, ex smangers--or whatever--is more accurately timed than Bin Laden’s killing. It is my theory (and I really believe it to be true) that when you engage in physical contact with men they implant a homing device in you, and that when there is a “threat” that may compromise their position with their “girl” it triggers an alarm. When the alarm is activated, it then transmits radio waves or some other form of alert that simply states “DANGER: P*SSY ON THE MOVE.”

Stop laughing and think about it. It makes logical sense. Men have a small window of opportunity to resurface in this woman’s life before the deed to the p*ssy is transferred to the new guy. So the random telegraph, text message, Morse code signal, phone call, tweet, FB message, or smoke signal is the last ditch effort to claim stake as a joint tenant of the p*ssy. Makes sense don’t it?!

This is one of life’s great mysteries. How can men sense they have lost their p*ssy privileges? The world may never know.

A

He Says:

Every woman has an innate gift that is called “The Woman’s Intuition”.  This instinct allows a woman to feel it internally when a ninja is doing something wrong.  It is a beautiful quality that, oddly enough, usually gives women the correct notions about male behavior. 

Please allow me to explain how men have a more powerful and deadly intuition that, though not as widely recognized, has been messing up the lives of women young and old for years.  I like to call it simply, “The Cheeks Intuition”.   It is that feeling that a guy gets when he is on the verge of losing the hold on the cakes to another dude.  Ladies, we are not stalking you and we normally don’t know when you are even dealing with another ninja.  There is a trigger inside of us that tells us when the cheeks are about to be annihilated by someone else.  And being the true ninjas that we are, we will seek to destroy any chances that this other brother might have of getting on smash time.  Every man has this instinct and, unfortunately, most will act on it; normally initiating it through the use of the random text.

There are two types of approaches to re-claiming the cheeks. With the first approach, the dude will come hard at you.  He will try to see you, and smash you within the first week of this feeling gripping him.  He will not take the chance that he might lose “ownership” of the cheeks.  (And yes ladies I did say ownership.  Most dudes, once they smash multiple times, feel that those cheeks are theirs for life.  It is a messed up reality, but it is reality nonetheless.)  His hope is that if he works the cheeks well enough, you will forget about giving it up to this other dude, and that he will still have ties to you.  With the second approach, the dude will be a silent killer.  This guy is the gentleman.  He will reach out and have meaningful conversations with you; act as though he cares about your well being and happiness with the new guy; and connect with you emotionally on the things that you feel you are missing.  All the while, he is breaking down your guard and waiting for the perfect storm of emotional vulnerability.  Then, and only then, will he pounce and snatch the cheeks!   

There are many outcomes that can come to fruition as a result of a man’s experiencing The Cheeks Intuition; the majority of which end up causing confusion, stress and pain for the young lady involved.  But at the conclusion the young lad is proud, for he has used his prowess to grab hold of the cheeks one mo’ time.

K

Get Ya Ass Out of the Trash!

Situation:

We are both at a loss at how to frame this situation, so we will simply label it a CAUTIONARY post for all of the single ladies. Avoid these men at all costs! You deserve better! :) 

Talk to the hand!

 

She Says:

A few of our female readers felt that we had been going pretty hard on the women in recent posts. I thought perhaps they could be right, and welcomed this chance to call out triflin’ ass men! Here is my list of “ain’t about nothing men”. Enjoy!

Mr. Perpetually Broke – Let me distinguish this guy from the man who came up on hard times due to the recession and lacks money for necessities. Mr. Perpetually Broke is quite different. He claims to never have any money, but always has the newest Jordans. He claims to never have any money but somehow is always poppin’ bottles in the club. He needs to learn the word “PRIORITIES!”

Mr. Sponge – Drop Mr. Sponge into any situation and he will suck it dry. He preys on the insecurities and desperation of women to get all of his desires fulfilled. Should he need a new watch, he calls Wanda. Should he need $200, he calls Sharon. You get the point.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf – Every time you turn around there is drama with this guy. With every phone call or text you just know that he will be recounting another sad story. “Oh Baby, I’ve been shot.” “Baby, my mans n ‘em got beef and I gotta go handle that.” There is literally always some catastrophic, earth-shifting event occurring in this man’s life. His way of life is entirely too draining to comprehend, or support. NEXT!

Mr. ‘I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me’ - …and I have no privacy! (Related sidebar, I will never understand how the late great MJ ended up singing background for Rockwell. But I digress.  RIP MJ!) Anyhoo, you have all met the guy who keeps such good tabs on you that he should be your assistant, and managing your calendar. It is one thing to show interest in what I am doing, but it is quite another to be completely creepy and possessive about it.  Showing up unexpectedly at my doctor’s office, home, place of employment, place of worship--or anywhere that I didn’t tell you to meet me--will quickly get you on restraining order status.

The Self-Proclaimed Beast in the Bedroom – He is one of THE worst offenders. We have all met the guy who brags about how he’s gonna beat it up, lay it down, flip ya sideways, make ya momma sing, and have you crying at the feet of Jesus. Then the magical moment arrives, and you find it is over before you can get your panties off. You go back home trying to convince yourself that bad sex doesn’t really count against your “magic number”. Fellas, do yourself a favor: don’t write a check that ya Johnson can’t cash.

Mr. Willfully Unemployed – Again, this is not directed as those men affected by the economy. This is directed at those men who always have a hustle, each lasting for three months or less before they are on to the next thing. How is it that you flip houses, but you are listed on the Maryland Judiciary Case Search site with four foreclosures in your name? Please do explain how you own or manage a pre-owned car lot, yet you don’t have even a bicycle of your own. Sir, I suggest you visit Indeed.com and find a J-O-B!

Mr. ‘What Had Happened Was…’ – Ladies, have you ever talked to a guy, had him set up plans to go out,  then you don’t hear from him for a week? Eventually he’ll call or text you with some excuse, apologize profusely, and set up a new date. Then you’ll discover there was no point in his setting the new date because a week later he calls with another tired excuse. Mr. ‘What Had Happened Was…’ please go that way!!!

The Consummate Baby Daddy -- This man has 5 kids with 3.5 women. Do I even need to explain why you should run the other way? No, it isn’t because children suck the life and money out of everything; it is because this man fails to practice safe sex. He consistently has unprotected sex with multiple women that results in childbirth, yet never seems to learn his lesson. Oy vey!

A

He Says:

Since most of my friends happen to be female, I hear story after story about how ninjas aren’t sh*t, and how women are tired of men that can’t fulfill their most simple of desires. Unfortunately, I can’t give a personal account of why this is because I am not a brother who falls into that demographic. I find that most women want to ultimately get a nut, and to feel loved (with the exception of A---who needs gifts as well); yet, a lot of ninjas can’t even fulfill those fundamental needs. In my opinion, it’s about time that women come up with a solution to this issue instead of complaining about it. So I present to you my personal solution on their behalf.

Most people want to crucify me when I tell them this, but it’s time for Black women to start dating White men!   To clarify, I don’t mean the relationship where the hood Black woman dates the faux hood White man that looks like Paul Wall. I am speaking to the instance where a professional Black woman seeks a professional White man, as opposed to another “ain’t sh*t ninja” like those mentioned above.

Unfortunately ladies, the numbers don’t lie. There is a large faction of Black men who ain’t sh*t and the ones that have positive things going for them are either taken or gay. To be honest, I don’t knock you for looking for love with a Black man; Black love is a beautiful thing. But I’m frustrated with continuously seeing Black women give their love to undeserving ninjas only to have it backfire. So my position on the subject is one for progressive change.

One of my best friends consistently spews crap about being terrified of “the pink penis”. But I will pose the question here that I often ask her: Would you rather have a Black dude with no interest in progressing educationally, professionally, or spiritually? Or would you rather have someone that will love you and give you consistent sex—despite having a lighter pigmented penis? I’m just asking.

Though my opinion may not be the popular one, I believe that at the end of the day Black women deserve happiness. And if Black men aren’t giving you what you need, you may want to explore... um, pinker pastures--and that young White man who may be more deserving of your love.

K

Single Black Woman Syndrome

Situation: 

Before you judge this post, please know it is not another of the many statistic-ridden horror stories you’ve seen in the media that waxes on about the plight of black women who can’t find love. This one is more personalized and will focus on our lovely AB. AB is a beautiful Black woman with a great job and a banging personality!  So why is she still single?  Is it that ninjas ain’t sh*t---or could AB be doing something to push eligible men away? It's time for us to attack this dilemma in signature FDLF fashion.

Lol!!!

She Says:

I have been dreading this day…the day that KG would want me to address my “singleness.” I know that that he is going to go in on me. I can feel it in my bones! *deep sigh*

So, to the question: Why am I single? I probably ask myself this once a week, though usually for all the wrong reasons. At this moment, I would have to say that I really only want a boyfriend for consistent sex and gifts! Lol--hey at least I am honest. *shrugs* However, the real answer is that my singleness is probably a combination of my issues and the selection of men out there.

I’ll address my own issues first. I have major “daddy issues” that have, in turn, caused me to be extra hard on men, and quick to write people off when I feel wronged. It takes a lot for me to trust people and it’s extremely difficult for me to open up. To my credit, I have been doing a lot better in this area in the past year. But overall, my preference remains to be happy by myself, rather than dealing with nonsense in an unhappy relationship; I don’t have the patience for the latter.

Now to address the “ninjas ain’t sh*t” theory:  I will not say that men aren’t sh*t. That is not true--though some come pretty damn close to proving the theory. It would seem, however, that many men are coming to the table with a mediocre ass hand of cards, and drawing women that have a damn Full House. And I think men can get overwhelmed by all of their options. Why settle down when you can date multiple eligible women at the same time? Men have the luxury of actually dating several people at once, where women are often left dating one only guy at a time. After all, it is a pure numbers game out here. In every major city there are far more eligible women than there are men.

Regarding my personal expectations, I don’t have extremely high ones.  All I really ask is that you do what you say you are going to do, don’t beat on me, don’t cheat on me, don’t do drugs, don’t lie, don’t smoke, please don’t have kids (not a deal breaker though), and please don’t have a prison record or pending charges.

Is that too much to ask for?

A

He Says:

First I need to set the stage for this: AB is like my sister, so I feel like I can say anything about anything to her. We have that kind of relationship.

With that being said, AB is single because of AB! Nothing more, nothing less. AB has everything going for her, and pulls men on the regular. But AB has a couple of things inbred in her that are causing her to have an inability to fully commit. First of all, AB is too damn picky. I understand that women have the right to have a type for their dream man, but there comes a point where you can’t push away a man with potential—especially not based on one thing they’re missing, or have done wrong. Maybe my perspective is skewed as I’m on the outside looking in, but as a positive and intelligent (read: “good”) Black man, I have to be honest in pointing to this as a problem that I see with a lot of Black women. The mentality is that you “deserve” perfection (because that exists *insert sarcasm here*), when the reality is that in this day and age you need to be satisfied with a good man who has the potential to be great. Yet these are the men that unfortunately, both AB--and some of her single counterparts--push away.

I know that deep down, AB wants love. She wants the happiness and stability that come with having someone in her life that cares for her. Still, there’s a block buried somewhere inside of her that won’t let her allow someone to fully get “in”. She uses that cover that she only wants sex and gifts as a smokescreen for her deeper problem of not wanting to open up. Honestly, a lot of this has to do with her “Daddy” issues, but I believe that not being fully emotionally separated from her past long-term relationship also plays a part. AB invested a lot emotionally in said relationship--which was, quite frankly, the epitome of love, and an accurate picture of what emotional vulnerability between two people looks like. Though she was an absolutely great girlfriend, timing did not allow the relationship to last. AB was deep in love, and sometimes it takes a while to fall out of love; it sounds cliché, but it’s the truth.

AB has not come to the point where she will allow someone access to her core because of the fear of abandonment. It is always safer to close yourself up and build a surface level relationship with someone in the event that they are to leave you. AB has to realize that she won’t find fulfillment within herself, nor will another loving man come along, until she is able to trust again. That’s what it’s going to take for her to find the true happiness in a relationship that she wants---and definitely deserves.

P.S. Love you Sis!

K

She Says:

WOW! *looks around and slowly backs out of the room*

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Situation:
Attention men! What could possibly be touted as the most wonderful day of the year is coming; mark your calendars for MARCH 14th! You may be wondering, “What is the importance of this day?” Why, it is national STEAK AND BJ DAY!

She Says:
Ohhhh Ladies, get ready! Now is the time for you to put in work as a “thank you” for all the money and energy previously spent by your man. No worries--the fellas have made it easy for you. There is no guessing at what they want; it is explicitly stated in the name of the day. So, please do not try to re-interpret the meaning of the day, or turn it into something else. Simply give your man, boo, or whoever a damn steak dinner and a BJ.

I will help my girls out just a little bit, and provide some suggestions. For my ladies who do not cook, take your man out to a nice steakhouse like Capital Grille or even to Outback Steakhouse. Yes, you read that correctly: Outback Steakhouse. The price of gas is laughable right now, and it may be affecting your discretionary income. Trust me I understand, and being broke is never cute! Lol. For those ladies who want to go the extra mile and cook a nice steak dinner at home, I would recommend the following recipes. You can utilize Google to find more:
http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/the-best-steak-marinade/Detail.aspx
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/sirloin-steak-recipe/index.html

For the BJ portion of the day, well…. if you have been following our blog since its inception, you have read the post where I shared my thoughts on this topic. If not, you can read it here. Regardless, I will leave you with one parting thought, Ladies: Remember to reach deep down into your soul and channel your inner Superhead. Now get the hell to work!

Fellas, please enjoy!

A

He Says:

Well Ladies and Gents; it has finally arrived. It’s time to celebrate the wonderful day known as Steak and BJ day.  Some have been celebrating this illustrious holiday for years; while some, like myself, are new to the festivities (despite wishing they had known about this many years ago).  In my Steak and BJ Day research, I discovered that in some circles, this day is more important than V-Day, Jesus’ Birthday, and even the day Biggie died! So in keeping with said importance, I wanted to give some tips and tricks to the young ladies out here to make sure that they make it enjoyable for the man (or men--do you, Playa: get your protein) of their choosing.

1. Men enjoy steak!  This is a commonly known fact; but, perhaps not so commonly known, is that they are very particular about the way that they want their meat (No D.L.) prepared.  So Ladies, if you cannot cook, this is not the day to attempt to get your Paula Dean on in the kitchen.  Your man does not want to eat a bloody steak, nor does he want to chew on rubber at the dinner table.  If you don’t possess the necessary talents in the kitchen, and you cook turkeys like Gina from Martin, please spare your man the pain.  Get your Visa, MasterCard, or Rush Card ready, and take that brother to the closest Outback.  You can get him a $9.99 special and make him happy, instead of pissing him off because you forced him to chew on some junk you threw up on the George Foreman you haven’t cleaned in 2 years!

2. Please understand: this is not the time or the instance for you to give the normal ole BJ service.  On this day, you want to hit him with the unexpected.  Don’t just get home and act like you are doing him a favor.  Appreciate the BJ and the enjoyment that he will experience.  When you are leaving the Outback, show him some attention in the car.  Or after he finishes eating the steak that you made, make him the dessert.  The key point, though, is to do something different and exciting.  If you got a man that is normally trash---you may actually get a good 1-2 weeks of drama free relations if you handle this thang the right way.

3. Please make sure that you eat a steak too.  The brother does not want you chomping and gnawing on his thing with your teeth because you didn’t get any grub.  Thank you and goodnight!

 K