Cheating?! There's An App for That!!


Situation:
As Cuffin Season approaches, many men and women are starting to receive the subtle signs of sexual interests from jawns around the world. For many of us in a relationship, this is the time when cheating becomes rampant! But what actually constitutes cheating in this new age of texting, Twitter, and Facebook? FDLF is here to dissect.


What are you doing over there?

He Says:

In this new age of folk being overly sensitive, it is definitely time for us to reevaluate what constitutes cheating versus innocent friendliness.  Being in a relationship, I have a good perspective on what I would consider cheating and what should be brushed under the rug.  A lot of times people get all up in arms over simple, harmless communication.  Since I am a man with a ridiculous amount of female friends, sticky situations where technology disrupts the peace definitely occur.   So to that end, let me put the guidelines down on paper for all of you who can’t tell the difference between cheating and not cheating in the age of Twitter and Facebook. 
1. If I get a DM, email, picture, or text from someone, and I didn’t ask for it---that is not cheating!  This should be a pretty simple inclination, but a lot of people fail to realize this.  If a sexy, big breasted woman decides that she randomly wants to show me the size of her areola---that doesn’t mean I am cheating on you.  And just like I can’t control a woman sending the visual of her jugs, I also can’t control  a woman sending me a text telling me she loves me, wants to marry me, or wants to bear my children.  Some women are very vocal and opinionated about what they want.  I would never ask a woman to tell me all those things because that would just be incriminating and well, stupid.  Bottom line: if you didn’t ask for the information, it isn’t cheating. 

2.  Just because I may be calling, g-chatting or texting the same person on a regular basis---it doesn’t mean I’m cheating.  If this was the case, the whole world would think A was my other woman.  Women shouldn’t assume their partner is cheating based solely on volume of communication.  And you all might disagree---but I am just keeping it real from my perspective.  Just because I’m talking to someone throughout most of my work day doesn’t mean I'm smashing them at the Motel 6 when I leave out. Quite simply, it means I want something to do at work other than just work. Besides human communication is good for the soul!  Leave it at that and you shouldn’t have any problems. 
3.  “That was just some head---and head don't count right??”  My man Andre 3000 asked a very important question a few years back.  Does head constitute cheating??  Realistically, most people have no emotions when it comes to getting head from a jawn.  It’s kind of like masturbating---but it just happens that someone else is doing the work for you.  Honestly though---if you aren’t getting the nuts from the one you love, there may be a deeper conversation you need to have; because if you’re moanin’ from another ninja’s head game, then yes you are cheating. 
I want to be clear---a lot of these issues can be solved with simple communication.  It comes down to the principle of being honest with your partner.  Don't go behind your partner’s back and “investigate” things, then get mad if you find something that you have no understanding of; ultimately you put yourself and them in an awkward position.  And don't get all upset just because your boo is chatting it up with another jawn.  Feel free to communicate with people from the opposite sex, because at the end of the day that will only help your sanity.  And as long as he or she isn’t smashing and dashing, then you have no reason not to keep it peaceful.
K

She Says:
     
 
I’m not completely sure what to say on the topic of digital cheating, since I am not in a relationship. I do not have to deal with this issue-- unless I am the other woman which, to my knowledge, I have never been (thank God!). Hopefully I can keep my track record clean in that particular area.
With that said, and given past blog topics, you guys know that I firmly believe that any information about someone that is on the internet is fair game for exploration for dating purposes. My motto is “any information about you found on the internet can and shall be used against you”. This especially applies to information found on social media sites—particularly incriminating information and proof of infidelity.
So often now-a-days you hear people say, “Facebook ruins lives”. But let’s be honest: Facebook didn’t ruin your life, it’s just that got you caught all the way up via Facebook. And Facebook isn’t the only destination for digital cheating, so all the blame can’t be placed on that one site – there is also Twitter, Gchat, text, Skype, and even MySpace. Yes, MySpace! It’s practically dead on that site but a male friend told me that’s why it’s great to hook up with people there; because no one thinks it is still in use. That made me chuckle.
But I digress. In my opinion, digital cheating is no different than cheating in person; it’s all about the person’s intent. In fact, it would seem that digital cheating has become the modern day gateway to “live” cheating; a” test the waters” situation, if you will. “Let me see if so and so really digs me at all and we can see where it goes from there”. I don’t care if you smashed another chick, sent a heaux an unrequested d*ck pic, or spent every night on Skype with your jumpoff after I had gone to bed--cheating is cheating. Just because the affair happened via a technological device doesn’t mean the trust of the relationship wasn’t damaged or that the shit hurt any less.
What are your thoughts? If your partner cheated on you via Facebook would you leave or would you stay? Have you cheated using technology? Talk to me!
A

47 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am a normally commenter but today I have to be Anon...this topic hit home!

I am in a relationship with someone for oer 10 years, but recently I have begun "dating" a man over Facebook for the past two years. We skype multiple times a week. If we lived in the same city, I would break up with my boyfriend and be with him. It is getting serious to the point that he is thinking about moving to my city of Philadelphia.

I never felt bad about the relationship until I read A's line "Just because the affair happened via a technological device doesn’t mean the trust of the relationship wasn’t damaged or that the shit hurt any less." :(

When my boyfriend finds out he will be devasted! K, you list was funny but damn I am fucking up!

Punk Ass Normal Commenter

Anonymous said...

By the way, this is the 1st time I have admitted this to anyone! My best friends don't even know!

Punk Ass Normal Commenter

Anonymous said...

@Punk Ass Normal Commenter

That some honesty for ya ass! WOKE ME UP! Well I hope it works out for you! I too had an affair with someone I meet on Twitter! Have you guys meet in person?

Tee Tee

Anonymous said...

Yes we have been on three vacations together! We did not sleep together until the second one. We had been together at that point for 18 months.

Punk Ass Normal Commenter

Anonymous said...

Interesting... So where you do cross the line between cheating and flirting? FB and Twitter are just open communicated forms of flirting. Before they existed, a person male or female would go to the club, dance till the panties were wet and leave with no intent of bringing the person home b/c he or she is in a relationship. Now is this cheating? you went to the club, kicked it with someone for a few hours and flirted all crazy, and afterwards you left. FB gives you the same opportunity to flirt, get someone to a certain point and then leave it alone. It is not cheating until the P enters the V. If normal flirting is not cheating, then FB/Twitter cannot be concidered cheating.

Mo Gregory said...

I don't have much to say, but if I catch you cheating on me via a social network, well, your ass is grass!! goodnight.

Mo Gregory said...

and ummmm its cheating far before the P enters the V. fuck the physical shit, we know that seals the deal... but the emotional high you get from sneaking around, pursuing someone new, the thrill of knowing someone else wants you, etc... all of that is CHEATING. Its about the intent. We all go to the club and dance, and someone may buy us a drink or engage in convo with us...cool. If I have no intention of building anything with this person, exchanging numbers, going home with them, etc. then no its not cheating. People know in their hearts when they are wrong, and if you don't know, just ask yourself how far your mate could go with someone else before your mad, crying, or up in arms ready to get revenge!

Anonymous said...

Whewww @ Punk Ass Normal Commenter. Do you still even want to be with your "actual boyfriend"?? Because it seems as if your emotions have already moved.

Kenny

Anonymous said...

Me Again:

"People know in their hearts when they are wrong" If this is the case, how can you tell me I am cheating b/c you saw a picture someone sent me on the internet? Its a picture, and converstations between two people are not always filled with truth. People lie everyday B... So what I may gas you over a text, that does not mean I'm going to invite you to the crib while the Mrs. is gone. Flirting is flirting... If you do not have proof that I smashed the chick, you can't assume I did.

This goes back to the definition of cheating. Men like fishing, but everyone fishes for a reason. For some people the catch and release is all the thrill thats needed.

Mo Gregory said...

Okay, so since you have no heart, lol what you should be asking yourself is not so much what you think is wrong, but what your mate may find objectionable. Even though you are just in it for the thrill of being able to pull a hoe, and sice her up, and have no intent on sleeping with her...what would your lady say? do you think she would be cool with you gettin' off to the idea of 'catch and release'? Doubt it. As she is looking to be all the thrill you need.

Anonymous said...

Damn son, we're having 2 yr relationships on FB!! Honestly, how does ur man nit notice that? I wouldn't be surprised if he was doin the same.

Casual flirting is healthy, but it can be dangerous if you let it go too far. And I agree w/ Mo, cheating starts long before the P enters the V. FB and Twitter enable risky behavior. You can flirt and entertain another behind the security of a password. Bottom line if you have to cheat whiter via social media and technology or the old fashioned way face-to-face then you don't want to be w/ your partner. Be an adult and end the relationship. Specifically directed to the 1st commenter, that type of behavior is pathetic and selfish.

Anonymous said...

I love my "real" boyfriend! I mean I think not being able to be with my FB boyfriend all the time has spiked some real energy and passion into our relationship, because I imagine that he is my FB boyfriend.

I know I am wrong, but hey I am not going to leave a sure thing!

Sue Me! *shrugs*

Punk Ass Commenter

A said...

WOW!!! I am loving this dialogue this morning! KEEP IT UP!!!

A said...

@Punk Ass Commenter

I mean, I really have no words! Why don't you just leave! Stop string this dude along. I don't know your relationship, but you are just messing him up for the next girl! Give that man free!

Anonymous said...

@Punk Ass Commenter --- you got a spot open for a #3?! I mean you can cheat on your FB boyfriend and have FDLF Blog Boyfriend!! The perfect trifecta.

That's a whole new unchartered territory of digital cheating. I am available since A be flaking on me!

I mean really bitches are so desperate they really falling in love with men through a computer! YO I HAVE TO GET MY GAME UP ASAP!

Andre

Anonymous said...

Hold on @ punk ass commenter...So the way you make it seem---this side jawn relationship might lead to someone moving to a new city. I mean thats kinda crazy for a side piece. And honestly, that is gonna get you caught up.

Secondly, is your side jawn willing to move to Philly and still keep being a FB boyfriend? Cause if so, he is damn dumb.

Kenny

Anonymous said...

I have not thought that through...However, it is understood that if he moves here then I am ending it with my "real" boyfriend.

I thought Friends Dont Let Friends...judge other friends!

Punk Ass Commenter

Anonymous said...

HAHA @ punk ass commenter...I am definitely not judging you. But I don't want you to make a decision you would regret. Thats my concern. Do you think this FB boo would be able to fully trust you? I think that is going to cause some problems.

Kenny

Anonymous said...

Me Again...

@Mo Gregory

You're right about a few things.. but this post was about What defines cheating.. All in all it has to be up to the male or female that catches you in whatever act... We all define it differently. I can say if my pen!s and heart isn't in it, then its not cheating. Some females will agree and some will not. Same with men. So this is something that cannot be defined on a blog.. its up to the individual

A said...

@Andre -- *ignores* You stay trying to cheat on me!

@Punk Ass Commenter -- Don't be pulling the FDLF card...lol! In addition to this being a smash free zone, it is also a judge free zone! Carry on! You just drop some stuff on us this morning, that 1. we weren't expecting 2. not prepared for. 'Tis all!

Anonymous said...

Me Again:

@Punk Ass Commenter
I think I am judging you.. You really fell in love over FB tho? Looking to drop your 10 year love for a n internet fling? Saying you do not deserve your man is cliche for this situation, but you don't... I'm Just saying

Mo Gregory said...

But why should I have to catch you at all??? Why should I have to define what cheating is??? That means you did something you didn't have any business doing, trying to test out what those limits in your relationship are. And I can speak for about 90% of all women, when I say that anything that goes beyond innocent flirting is cheating and/or disrespecting me... u cannot respect me if u are out here engaging in 'friendships' with other women that I do not know about. And what u percieve to be light flirting, or just harmless communication between the sexes, that other young lady may think "oh, shit, he likes me... I feel bad for his girl" So tread lightly my friend.

The moral of the story is, u should not be engaging in any non-friend activity (talking endlessly via social networks or into certain hours of the day, your girl not having met or know of the supposed friends, you should not be going anywhere alone with them esp if your girl doesn't know, there should be no mass texting, and certainly nothing that may resemble sex) with the person of the opposite sex! Furthermore, if your girl can't know about the bitch or what u and the bitch are doing together, no matter how 'harmless' the activity is... well then, you are a cheater! I know of my man's female friends, just like he knows about mine, so when I hear a certain name, I already know what time it is... don't let me see a text from a name I don't know...

A said...

Mo -- Brings up a good point!! Why the need to hide if its innocent flirting?! Bitches are desperate and the thirst is real...You don't know what fantasy she drawing up over your innocent relationship!

Anonymous said...

Me Again:
@Mo Gregory
Please believe your man is not telling you all truth all the dam time. Your man deletes nameas and numbers he doesn't want you to know about like every man in the world. Do you allow your man to go to strip clubs? watch porn? I'm pretty sure you do not know them chicks.. and that is a little beyond flirting. regardless, I never said a man should be allowed to go anywhere with a chick.. This post was about social networking, so I am only saying all communicationcan not be defined as cheating.

But you do not know all your man's female "Friends" Please believe that. You know what we want you to know.

Mo Gregory said...

First off, my man doesn't go anywhere to meet women, so there's no need to hide and delete names and numbers. 2nd, yes he may watch porn and go to the strip club, that's fine, that's a fantasy... he can't go home with a porn bitch, and if he wants to come home with a clean dick he wont get with a stripper either. I understand those outlets bc that's what they are in place for... hell, we do those things together. I'm sure I do know of ALL his female friends, and if I don't know, then she aint a friend. Hence why honesty is important. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Me Again:
@ Mo Gregory

Honesty is very important.. but no relationship is fully honest. If you think they are, you are naive and that relationship will end in a horrible death... You should be able to trust you man to be himself.. You know what environments he can be in and should be in. If you know you man F&cks strippers, don't send himm to the strip club. If you met your man on FB after he sent you a pic of his d!ck, erase his page after the two of you get together. All in all... be as honest as you can be, but trust him/her to be the person he or she is and don't fool yourself

Mo Gregory said...

I agree. Imma stop treatin this blog like its mine A and K! LOL

Marlon said...

A AND K:

If I didn't put my penis inside her vagina (intercourse), my lips didn't touch her lips (top and bottom), and her lips didn't touch my shaft I'm not cheating...However, there is a topic of respect which comes along with a relationship that differs from the perspective parties involved.

For instance, if you have an open relationship, a few pics and texts may not harm the core aspects of the relationship. Intent or no intent, we can't continue to expand on the definition of cheating. Pretty soon, we gon have chips in our heads and as soon as your girl see your thoughts, das yo a$$ Mr. Postman...If you have a "closed" relationship, then fliritng has to come down significantly in order for peace to be kept amongst the union. ahaha but in all seriousness, flirting is not cheating, but it can be disrespectful it it turns into a sideshow or an ego booster for both parties. DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL, but if he/she ask, be upfront and honest with it...

A and K strike again!!! Deuces

Anonymous said...

Me Again:

@A and K perfectly put..

@Mo Gregory, great bloggin witcha.. Don't forget to check your man's deleted box..LOL

A said...

@Me Again & Mo Gregory -- these comments have signed y'all up for guest blogger spots! lol

A said...

@Me Again -=- DEAD at Don't forget to check your man's deleted box

@Marlon -- You Funny! Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Look ladies are guilty too! I am sure I have hidden behind the screen and committed a relationship crime or two! It's so easy

Good post!

Carrie

Anonymous said...

@Punk Ass Normal Commenter -- I am judging you too! You giving up this man for some flashy thing you meet on FACBOOK...FACEBOOK and you only smashed like 10 times total!!! PHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

That's some basic bitch shit right there if I have ever seen it! I should sumbit ya ass to lil duval!

Anonymous said...

*Hi-Fives Mo Gregory*

Don't judge that poor girl she just confused. I am shocked to here its more than smashtime with someone you meet over social media, but hey this is not the worst thing done in the world to anyone! lol

Tee Tee

K said...

I mean at the end of the day we have ALL done some dumb ass fucked up shit in our day. Trust and believe I know I have. @ punk ass commenter I just hope you realize leaving your man for a FB fling might not be worth it. I'm not calling you no names cause I know if anyone was to go back on my history, I would be called all kinds of nut ass names. I'm hoping I know you and we can chat about this ish off the forum.

Kenny

A said...

Look at Kenny playing peace maker!!!! lmao

@Punk Ass -- Has this discussion made you think more about your decision?!?!

Anonymous said...

@A -- You guys have all given me something to think about, but I feel like if I did not at least try, that I could regret this and have what if's? Hmm Idk...

I'll let you guys know on another post... :)

Punk Ass Commenter

Anonymous said...

I was going to comment on the blog post, but Punk Ass Commenter has totally stolen the shine here!

I am with 'A' I have no words! No words! I am checking my girl's pc history tonight! She ain't pulling this slick shit on me! In 10 years trying to leave me for some FB nigga! FUCK THAT!

I guess this was a great post, A & K yall got someone to admit to an dumb ass FB affair! What kind of shat is that! lmao lmao

emailing link out now

AJ

Shik said...

hmmmm. this is all very interesting. I'm with A very much single, so I don't have this struggle in life. I will say, I have found there are a LOT of committed men that seem to be in need of an extra thrill or extra attention. I know this because countless men have approached me and have been married, have a gf, with their BMs, etc. Gentle flirting over the #innanets isn't THAT bad, but keep that shit gentle. We are at the age where it's very rare that we will make NEW platonic friends of the opposite sex. There is something that you are attracted to whether physical or mental once you decide to communicate with someone of the opposite sex. Once you hit that point it becomes a crime of opportunity, bets believe if the opportunity comes up you just may become a cheater. All of this is tricky as Mo said "tread lightly."

Tony G said...

"I mean really bitches are so desperate they really falling in love with men through a computer! YO I HAVE TO GET MY GAME UP ASAP!"

At my desk CTFU.

K said...

@Shik- I agree with you. You bring up a good question tho. It is rare to make a friend of the other sex at our age. But what happens if you do? Should you avoid entering that friendship so that it doesnt add drama to your relationship?

Shik said...

@K - If you do happen to run into that, I think that honesty is the best way to go. Don't keep this new friend a secret, def tell your significant other about it. Now if they're uncomfy with the situation you then have to make the decision. Also, you may have to look at your relationship and see why your partner is so anti, there could be a bigger problem at hand.

Anonymous said...

@Tony G. -- I mean really!!! I bet you she paid for those three vacations too! Dude probably leave in the Philadelphia suburbs and this heaux don't even know it! LMAO

Andre

Tony G said...

@Andre-REAL Talk. That nigga lives with his wife n kids over off Broad st, and got her ass convinced, he don't know the city.

And even if it is the case that he is an out-of-towner.......how do I put this.......no offense to any ladies on here from Philly but.......I've been to Philly ONE TIME.......and that shit was a veritable Heaux-asis. If he did happen to move there, to be with/nearer to a chick that has a man......best ta be sure, it's gon be smashtime on any randoms, when she can't break away from her own stupid ass boyfriend.

Mo Gregory said...

@K & @Shik:

It is RUDE to carry on a 'friendship' with someone of the opposite sex without your mate knowing about it... its suspect and it causes problems. Like I mentioned before, if it truly is a friendship, then you should have no issue telling your partner about him/her. Its the lies, and hiding things, that leads to mistrust and other issues. As someone mentioned before, you have to know the person you are with. I, for one, am cool with my BF having female friends, however, I know/know of them, so theres no need to get upset, question him, phone check, etc bc everything has been put on the table. This doesnt mean you cant talk to/hang out with these friends alone, sure you can, but its best to inform your partner, just to keep those open lines of communication and comfort. When a woman gets uncomfortable with some shit u are doing, it can make your life hell.

A said...

@Tony G. I am throught with you! "I've been to Philly ONE TIME.......and that shit was a veritable Heaux-asis."

LMAO!!!!!

Tony G said...

A it was crazy! Heaux was everywhere frolickin outta control, in the streets! It was like the Running of the Bulls (heaux).

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