Trying to Crack that Cell Password?!

Has the dreaded password protected cell phone issue come up in your relationship yet? Is your partner suspicious of your locked phone? Let’s get into it!
Don't get busted trying to crack the code!

She Says:
Be prepared for a rather short post from me.  As we all know, I am a single girl loving life right now; so I have to write this as a hypothetical:
If my future boyfriend should ask me for my iPhone password, or request that I take my iPhone password off, my answer would be a simple – HELL NO!! Let me correct that: my answer would be F*CK NO!
My iPhone is like my brain – for me, it houses much more than text messages, Facebook, and the glorious Twitter. Forgive me as I defer to the third person to clarify through the following statement: A’s iPhone = A’s life. My iPhone password is just as precious to me as my Social Security number. There is no way that I would I would share it with anyone. And I for damn sure am not removing my password lock in order to ease a man’s insecurities or trust issues, leaving my personal banking and other private information unprotected. No ma’am no girl.
My future boyfriend asking for my iPhone password is the equivalent of my going into his wallet, taking out his debit card and asking for his pin number. That would be quite redonkulous, don’t ya think?!
He Says:
The cell phone happens to be the greatest invention of modern times.  It’s a small device that can connect you to every aspect of your life in an instant.  For many of my ninja friends out there, it is the life line to jawns near and far.  But the cell phone can also be the source of destruction in your dealings with females—that is, if you don't properly protect yourself and your investments.  This is why I am an advocate for Homeland Security style defense on the cell phone at all times. 
Most of my female counterparts will say that a man with a lock on his phone has something to hide.  Well, let me tell you point blank---YOU DAMN RIGHT!  I know so many people that have gotten caught up in drama due to misconstrued information from a brief glimpse at a cell phone.
Unfortunately, humans are a nosey bunch.  We want to find out what is going on behind the metaphorical curtain, a.k.a. someone else’s cell phone screen.  In my younger days, I got caught up in many situations where my cell phone was compromised due to this type of curiosity.  I received many questionable emails, the content of which, I had no control over.  But being the trusting person I was, I didn’t think it was necessary to hide these things from any jawns I was dealing with by locking my phone.  At the end of the day though, these jawns were magically drawn to searching through it and trying to decipher everything that was happening in my life.  This is clearly partially my fault, for not deleting certain items upon receipt---but it ended up being a learning learned; I now know to always wrap up my cellular Trojan Magnum style. 
Clearly the technological minds behind mobile phones know this as well, as phones are so advanced now, that you can have some amazing locking devices.  You can lock your entire phone or lock just your app--even get alerts whenever someone tries to break into your phone!  Technology has been a blessing to all you ninjas out there still in the game.  So wrap your stuff up, don't share your password and cover all bases; this is the path to avoiding dumb arguments—make sure all your sh*t is on LOCK.  Men, we are not smart enough to come up with lies like women.  So make sure you are one step ahead of the game! Protect yourself!
Herman Cain approves this post!

That Awkward Moment When...

Situation: Ladies in the thick of the dating scene have all faced this problem – you have to take a sh*t and your boyfriend, boo, fav smanger, or whoever-- is near. Oh Lawd, what to do, what to do?

Ladies, Are you this comfortable?
She Says:
Ohh ladies, we have all been there – that cute moment when you two are snuggled up on the couch watching TV and all-of-a-sudden your stomach is on full blown BGs. Or you’re spending the night with your boyfriend, boo, fav smanger, or whoever for the first time and you need to take a sh*t. What do you do?
I have known women who have been holed up at a man’s place, eating and smanging for days on end, who have kept their poop lodged inside for that entire time; not letting it out until they had the home court advantage. Some have even said that they will not take a sh*t at their boyfriend’s house for the first six months!
In situations of dire need, women do have various techniques in which to drop the chocolate kids off at the pool without having their man be the wiser. Things like taking a sh*t then a shower, pulling a sit-and-flush, or padding the bowl with toilet paper so the plops aren't loud—are some of the ways in which they accomplish this.
You may be laughing, but this is apparently a very important issue for women – based on the fact that it is quite often a topic of conversation. Women are human beings and have to pass fecal matter in the same way as men. However taking a sh*t around a guy is often viewed as taboo, and when it happens for the first time it is often seen as a relationship milestone--well at least for women. I wonder if men even notice or care.  Men, do you have popping etiquette? Do men hold on to their fecal matter for days for fear of ridicule? Do men notice that women don’t take sh*ts around them?
Friends Don’t Let Friends get backed up…CONSTIPATION IS NEVER SEXY!!! Ladies, take control of your lives and sh*t freely – just remember to hop in the shower immediately after; I hear the steam helps the smell! LOL

He Says
Well, well, well…You tried to be cute and eat some ice cream after dinner with your boo (knowing you get the bubble guts when you eat dairy) and now your ass is on straight rumble.  Or you failed to toss back enough shots before your first smash time and now you need to take that famous nervous dump.  What the hell do you do?

Let me explain to you: no guy--and by guy I mean a real dude--should give a damn if you need to relieve yourself anally.  You better let that sh*t out.  I know most ladies hate to even go to the bathroom to pee around their dude.  Are y’all crazy?  If you got to go---you got to go.   I don't want you switching from side to side on the couch because you need to go sh*t.  That just makes you look like a retard to me. 

I appreciate a woman that will feel comfortable to relieve herself around me.   Don't mistakenly assume that if you don't go to the bathroom it’s going to make me want to be with you even more.  Shoot, I appreciate a random fart here and there from a woman.  It lightens the mood and allows me to joke on you.  You have never had a funnier conversation than the one that occurs when your man goes into the bathroom behind you, and realizes you can rock that joint even better than he can.  That is a proud moment.  It’s like seeing his son stand up and pee for the first time.  That joy is unspeakable.        

Now FDLF family y’all might think I am crazy, but do you know what backed up bowels can do to your life?  I did a little research for you fools.  Two (2) of the signs that you need to get your ass flushed happen to be bad breath and foul body odor.  Now go home and ask your man if he would prefer you to smell like bad tuna and Secret deodorant---or that you  just go in the bathroom and doo what it doo.  Ladies please---BE FREE AND SH*T IT OUT.

Ray-J: A Real R&B Thug!

Situation: Unless you were living under a rock yesterday, you heard the Ray-J interview with the Breakfast Club on 105.1 in NYC. We must say that it was highly entertaining. Of course we couldn’t let this slip by…

He Says:

I was definitely a doubter… and I never thought I would say this ever in my life…but---William Raymond Norwood Jr. is a real ninja. Not one of them fake ninjas, but a true thug. I think he said it best with, “Ninjas saying Ray J got beat up?? I socked that ninja in the face!”

For those who may not know what I am speaking of, let me fill you in. Fabolous and Ray-J got into a slight altercation this weekend over some twitter jokes. For those of you who might not know just how thorough William is, let me help you understand through the lens of the greatest interview in radio history—which went down yesterday morning, and during which Ray-J was completely spazzing on Fabolous. He actually told another grown man never to touch down on the west coast. That means Fabolous can’t even go visit Rancho Cucamonga without the goons coming out on him. Now go ahead and tell me that’s not thug life right there!

William further proceeded to tell Fabolous that he would find the goons that like dudes to rape him. Now I don’t know about the rest of the FDLF family, but all thugs I know definitely have goons at the ready to butt rape their enemies. That’s how they get down in the streets.

A lot of you might still be questioning my man William’s gangsta. So let me remind you of a few last things: he “got a indoor pool and a outdoor pool.” He “don’t drive no mutha f’n 97 GT!” And if you want to question him one more time---go to his crib and he “will show you all his cars’ pink slips.” Or just ask Kim K.

Dadadada Dayum!


She Says:

To say that I thoroughly enjoyed Ray-J’s rant yesterday morning would be an understatement. Ray-J started my previously boring ass Monday morning off with a bang. After listening, my first inclination was to wonder how long it was going to take for momma Sonia to whoop that ass! Lol!

Within minutes of his rant, Ray-J was trending on twitter and had several hash tags attached to his rant like, #PeopleTougherThanRayJ or #ThingsTougherThanRayJ. Black twitter had gone into frenzy! While laughing hysterically at the rant and my timeline alike, I began to think about what the take-a-ways from this whole situation might be. So here are my top 5 lessons to learn from Ray’s epic rant:

1. You Can Get Rich From Reality TV – Ray-J apparently owns 6 Bentleys, 7 Rolls-Royces, 10 Phantoms, 3 Maybachs, 20,000 square foot houses, glass chandeliers, 2 white ponies, a unicorn, and Bubbles (#ripMJ). I mean I was truly impressed that Ray-J had pink slips to all his cars! Way to make worthwhile investments (* rolls eyes *).

2. You Have to Apologize for Being a Broke Ass Bitch – You are broke if you do not have an outdoor and indoor version of every amenity in your home. I am installing an outdoor kitchen tomorrow. Y’all won’t be talking about me, huh!

3. Sending Goons to Rape Others is Acceptable – I did not know it was hot in the streets for men to send other grown men “to bend them over and have them stick it that n*gga’s booty.” OHHH MYY! O_O

4. To Appear Hard, Just Over Enunciate – It appeared to help Ray-J get his point across!!! I have a new respect for the word ‘apologize’.

5. Nick Cannon is Still Corny – While we’re on the subject of wack dudes, I need to say that I really just hate him! Marrying Mariah didn’t help the cause at all. ::shrugs::

The end. Y’all better comment or I will have my goons on y’all bumpers. LOL!


...And Just Like That, Your Stock Plummets!!!

We have all had it…that awkward moment when you see your ex, former boo, or fav smanger’s new chick! Does the tragedy of the new chick affect your dating stock at all? Let’s try and figure it out…

Financial Market or the Dating Scene?!?!

She Says:
On August 6, 2011, Standard & Poor’s downgraded the US credit rating from AAA to AA+.  Some say it had something to do with the debt ceiling issue but really, I think it is something more. America went from having the dumb white guy in charge to having the black guy in charge – and we all know what a black guy does to your credit rating! I kid, I kid…but not really. It got me thinking about stock ratings in the dating scene, and what factors can cause your dating stock to take a hit. Let me explain.
Recently, I encountered a situation where someone I was messing with was seen with a new young woman who was just unfortunate looking; like some sort of hoodrat beast, actually. The news arrived from a friend via telephone and as we spoke, I could hear the judgment laced throughout her voice. So, I grabbed my trusty Facebook investigation kit and got to work. I found the picture and all the blood rushed from my face, then I laughed nervously. This really was the final straw – NO MORE ASSOCIATION WITH THIS PERSON!!!
It was at that very moment that I knew that my dating stock had taken a hit. My stock is so low right now, that I might have to take Andre (loyal FDLF reader/commenter) up on his dating offers!  LOL! YES, shit just got real! Since ‘ol dude has downgraded the quality of the selection of his female associates, and chosen to be seen out in public with this new physically handicapped heaux – my own stock has taken a direct hit. “How so”, you ask? Because I was the last known associate of said dude and am now in the same category as this tragic heaux. It is quite the unfair turn of events!
Does this new chick affect how I feel about myself? HELL NO! She simply affects the public perception of me since we are both members of ‘ol dude’s smashing club. We all know that I am better than her though, right? LOL!
Anyhoo—Andre, help me rebound my stock, won’t you?

He Says
Most of you Negroes will try and act like it doesn’t affect you when someone from your past starts dating another person.  Even more of y’all will claim that it doesn’t affect you when your old boo dates a busted, broke down jawn.  I am here to tell each person that makes these claims---you are all liars!
I will explain: any time an ex begins to date someone, and you are still on the market, it starts to make you wonder why the hell you are still single.  You feel even worse when a former jawn gets wife’d or engaged to a busted, rundown bum that is 10 times worse than you.  
I knew a young man once who was damn in love with a young woman for a few years.  The guy definitely made the mistake of failing to make it official, but he still gave the woman everything she needed.  To make a long story short, this woman ended up leaving him, and within 6 months was engaged to her ex.  The same ex that had cheated on her multiple times and broken her heart.  My boy was really trying to save this heaux!  He had spent years resuscitating her emotions for that jawn to leave him for the person that had taken everything away from her. 
At this point the young man felt as if his stock had dropped—as would any other man who found himself in a similar situation.  They might end up covering it up by smutting around town, but the root of the problem comes from them feeling less worthy than they did prior to this experience.  Most people think this is a female trait, but ninjas also feel as if their stock drops when an ex messing is with someone they deem unworthy;  because in every man’s eye, he is the greatest thing to ever happen to any woman he has dealt with.
My advice to all my ninjas out there is to be sure to remember that there are too many women out here for you to get stuck in feeling as if your stock has dropped.  Go on Facebook, laugh at the pictures of the new bum ninja, then go out to happy hour and find you a single lawyer or teacher.  Trust me there are enough women out there ready and willing to help bring your stock back up.

Cheating?! There's An App for That!!

As Cuffin Season approaches, many men and women are starting to receive the subtle signs of sexual interests from jawns around the world. For many of us in a relationship, this is the time when cheating becomes rampant! But what actually constitutes cheating in this new age of texting, Twitter, and Facebook? FDLF is here to dissect.

What are you doing over there?

He Says:

In this new age of folk being overly sensitive, it is definitely time for us to reevaluate what constitutes cheating versus innocent friendliness.  Being in a relationship, I have a good perspective on what I would consider cheating and what should be brushed under the rug.  A lot of times people get all up in arms over simple, harmless communication.  Since I am a man with a ridiculous amount of female friends, sticky situations where technology disrupts the peace definitely occur.   So to that end, let me put the guidelines down on paper for all of you who can’t tell the difference between cheating and not cheating in the age of Twitter and Facebook. 
1. If I get a DM, email, picture, or text from someone, and I didn’t ask for it---that is not cheating!  This should be a pretty simple inclination, but a lot of people fail to realize this.  If a sexy, big breasted woman decides that she randomly wants to show me the size of her areola---that doesn’t mean I am cheating on you.  And just like I can’t control a woman sending the visual of her jugs, I also can’t control  a woman sending me a text telling me she loves me, wants to marry me, or wants to bear my children.  Some women are very vocal and opinionated about what they want.  I would never ask a woman to tell me all those things because that would just be incriminating and well, stupid.  Bottom line: if you didn’t ask for the information, it isn’t cheating. 

2.  Just because I may be calling, g-chatting or texting the same person on a regular basis---it doesn’t mean I’m cheating.  If this was the case, the whole world would think A was my other woman.  Women shouldn’t assume their partner is cheating based solely on volume of communication.  And you all might disagree---but I am just keeping it real from my perspective.  Just because I’m talking to someone throughout most of my work day doesn’t mean I'm smashing them at the Motel 6 when I leave out. Quite simply, it means I want something to do at work other than just work. Besides human communication is good for the soul!  Leave it at that and you shouldn’t have any problems. 
3.  “That was just some head---and head don't count right??”  My man Andre 3000 asked a very important question a few years back.  Does head constitute cheating??  Realistically, most people have no emotions when it comes to getting head from a jawn.  It’s kind of like masturbating---but it just happens that someone else is doing the work for you.  Honestly though---if you aren’t getting the nuts from the one you love, there may be a deeper conversation you need to have; because if you’re moanin’ from another ninja’s head game, then yes you are cheating. 
I want to be clear---a lot of these issues can be solved with simple communication.  It comes down to the principle of being honest with your partner.  Don't go behind your partner’s back and “investigate” things, then get mad if you find something that you have no understanding of; ultimately you put yourself and them in an awkward position.  And don't get all upset just because your boo is chatting it up with another jawn.  Feel free to communicate with people from the opposite sex, because at the end of the day that will only help your sanity.  And as long as he or she isn’t smashing and dashing, then you have no reason not to keep it peaceful.

She Says:
I’m not completely sure what to say on the topic of digital cheating, since I am not in a relationship. I do not have to deal with this issue-- unless I am the other woman which, to my knowledge, I have never been (thank God!). Hopefully I can keep my track record clean in that particular area.
With that said, and given past blog topics, you guys know that I firmly believe that any information about someone that is on the internet is fair game for exploration for dating purposes. My motto is “any information about you found on the internet can and shall be used against you”. This especially applies to information found on social media sites—particularly incriminating information and proof of infidelity.
So often now-a-days you hear people say, “Facebook ruins lives”. But let’s be honest: Facebook didn’t ruin your life, it’s just that got you caught all the way up via Facebook. And Facebook isn’t the only destination for digital cheating, so all the blame can’t be placed on that one site – there is also Twitter, Gchat, text, Skype, and even MySpace. Yes, MySpace! It’s practically dead on that site but a male friend told me that’s why it’s great to hook up with people there; because no one thinks it is still in use. That made me chuckle.
But I digress. In my opinion, digital cheating is no different than cheating in person; it’s all about the person’s intent. In fact, it would seem that digital cheating has become the modern day gateway to “live” cheating; a” test the waters” situation, if you will. “Let me see if so and so really digs me at all and we can see where it goes from there”. I don’t care if you smashed another chick, sent a heaux an unrequested d*ck pic, or spent every night on Skype with your jumpoff after I had gone to bed--cheating is cheating. Just because the affair happened via a technological device doesn’t mean the trust of the relationship wasn’t damaged or that the shit hurt any less.
What are your thoughts? If your partner cheated on you via Facebook would you leave or would you stay? Have you cheated using technology? Talk to me!