Is He Ready for a Relationship?!

When a woman has decided she wants to be in a relationship, she begins to target it with laser point focus. Yet, often times while she is dating, she’ll fail to pay attention to certain signs from her suitors that clearly caution that perhaps this person is not in the same place she’s in. Let’s examine some of these signs:

Stop wasting countless nights wondering if he is ready! Let FDLF help!
She Says:
Let’s face it: not everyone dates with the intention of getting into a committed relationship. And that’s okay—as long as both people are on the same page. Issues occur when one person (usually the woman) wants a monogamous relationship, while the other party (usually the male) wants to continue to see several people. There are some key ways to tell that a man is not ready for a relationship. He is not ready to commit—at least not to you--if:

1. He lies – Should you over hear the guy you’re dating lie to anyone—whether it’s his boss, his grandmother, his homeboy or his little sister: run! It doesn’t matter how small or how big the lie. If he tells lies in any aspect of his life—especially important areas like his job; he will lie to you too (if he hasn’t already). One of the keys to a successful partnership is honesty so you want to be sure you’re with someone who can be open.

2. He asks “What is your fantasy?” – Yes, many couples do eventually have this conversation, and it’s perfectly healthy—after their commitment is solid, and they have already experimented and are now looking for additional ways to add spice to the relationship. If a man starts to inquire about your fantasies within the first few weeks of dating, or prior to committing to you—he is not looking for a relationship; he is looking to have fun, and feeling you out to find out just how far he can get you to go. Don’t fall for it. And don’t let him get anything on video. Just saying.

3.  He makes excuses for or flat out says “no” to family gatherings, work events or social gatherings with your closest friends - He doesn't want to attend, because he doesn’t want to give the wrong idea about his allegiance to you to any of the important people in your life. Ironically in this case, he’s doing you a favor; his not attending will save you from being embarrassed for not realizing what becomes immediately and glaringly obvious to everyone else, and from having the awkward “what happened to so and so?” conversation later on.

4. He does anything other than CALL you to acknowledge your birthday and other holidays - A man who values you and sees you as relationship potential will properly acknowledge occasions that are special to you. He will not tweet, text, FB or bbm you (especially not including you in a broadcast bbm message! Getting one of these on a holiday means your level of importance to him is about on par with that of his old college professor whose number he never deleted out of his phone.) If you are important to him, he will call. Period. Anything additional will be a bonus and show that he continued to think about you.

5. He fails to do anything with you for your birthday or the holidays - Even if there's no gift exchange, he will give you his time if you are important to him. Even if holidays are not a big deal to him, he will extend himself for you. 

6. He talks about making a date, but never makes one - If he consistently sends messages that he wants to see you and is going to make a date--but never actually does, he is trying to keep you hanging on. This is in case he decides he does want to see you or sleep with you in the future (whenever he's not with whatever other women he's seeing). His desire is to make sure you remain open to it. It's kind of like sticking your foot in the front door right before you leave your apartment, just to make sure there isn't anything else inside that you want or need before the door locks behind you and you can't just walk right back in. There’s less effort that way, right?

7. You’ve been to his home several times and never seen the entire place - If you have been to a man’s home and only seen the kitchen, bathroom and his bedroom (unless he lives in a studio or a one-bedroom), you may not have a future with him. It seems like such a small thing, but a man who is interested in pursuing a relationship with you will include you in the little things too. He'll give you a tour of his home because (1) it’s the polite thing to do when you have a guest—so if he’s already thrown common courtesies out the window, well… (2) he wants you to know what he's all about or (3) he wants you to be impressed by the smell of rich mahogany and his many leather-bound books. Whatever the reason, if you’re getting escorted from the front door to the bedroom and back to the sidewalk, with maybe a glass of water in-between; I think you know what kind of situation you’ve got on your hands.

These are general signs, and by no means is it an exhaustive list; there will always be other idiosyncrasies that are unique to the personality of the individual. So it is no longer enough to just beware of him only calling or texting you during "booty call" hours; serial daters have learned to use more subtle tactics to keep you around for as long as possible without giving you what you want. There are also exceptions to every rule; it's just important to pay attention to everything the man you're dating is doing and saying to be sure those things are aligned with each other--and in line with what you want to result from your interaction with him. The bottom line though, is that if a man wants a relationship with you, he will make it crystal clear. If you’re not sure, ask. If you’re still unclear--buy a shiny new lip gloss, hit the gym or visit the nail salon; do whatever you need to do to look and feel your best so you can move on to snag another potential bf.


KJ pens fashion, beauty and lifestyle articles on her personal blog, Chic Mommy, Cool Kid; and co-authors a women’s empowerment blog, Peace Love and Pretty Things. She is also our fabulous editor here at Friends Don't Let Friends.

Get Ready, It's Almost Cuffin' Season!!!!!!

The time has come for singles everywhere who are looking for a winter boo thang to start scouting because it’s almost CUFFIN SEASON: the time of year when there are only a few more weeks left of summer, and those looking to have a bedmate for the winter months start to get to work!

Let's Twork it Out!

He Says:
It’s that time of year. You know—the time of year when it’s not hot outside anymore and all the skeezers start putting most of their clothes back on.  It’s the time of the year we call ‘Cuffin Season’.  Men and women, young and old, begin to search for that partner that will keep their time occupied during the cold nights when they are not trying to go out to the club and pick up jawns.  The days of cookouts, rooftop parties at the W, and sporadic trips to Miami are now coming to an end.  It is time to prep yourself for when jump-offs turn to boo’s and  baby making season begins.  Even the most independent man or woman might participate in Cuffin Season.  It just takes hold of you and causes you to make some very rash, impromptu decisions that the summer time heat would have kept you from making.
It all stems from a single premise---black people hate the cold.  Ninety-five percent of negroes only go on ski trips to get drunk and smash.  So when it starts to get cold, ninjas look for a snuggle buddy to get them through the colder months.  I can relate because in the past, I have spent a few summers prepping for the winter months in this same manner. 
Winter is when the thirstiest of jawns come out of the woodwork because they’ve been left out of the summer lineups.  You see, most ninjas build up their clientele in the summer months, to see which jawn will give them the most financial and sexual perks in the winter months.   And this is men and women alike.  Let’s not forget, Cuffin Season does encompass some gift giving holidays. Cold weather can make the worst negro seem like the hottest thing on the block--as long as they got something to give you under the sheets or under the tree. 
Nevertheless, please remember, all these young men and women you will call your Boo over the next few months will probably not be around for the summer of 2012.  These seasons are in constant rotation.  So when it’s cold and you are sitting up under those sheets, make sure to remember that this may not be permanent.  I am tired of seeing all these Bebe’s kids get created from Cuffin Season cave sex.  Just ‘cause its cold and he or she says they loves you---doesn’t mean that it’s time to procreate.  Take joy in the warm bodies during the months of coldness, but people let’s be smart.  Wrap it up and remember that the summer will be here soon enough.  Before you know it, you will be back in Miami, or at Kappa or Que conclave picking up the next round of jump-offs.  In the words of the famous Eric Williams---”Ya Dig!”

She Says: 
As much as I don’t want to, it is almost time to say ‘adios’ to summer 2011 and usher in the next season. No, no! Not fall, but Cuffin Season! That’s right ladies and gents, the time of year is coming where people are on the prowl to see which man and/or woman will make their way out of the hot dog line from the cookout to the satin sheets of their beds.
Within the next few weeks, you’ll notice that most singles begin to look for a “special” someone who will help take of the chill off winter!!! I personally have a lot of single friends out there, who are starting the official hunt for Cuffin Season. I feel like it is my duty to help us single ladies out with a few tips on picking a suitable winter boo.  It is imperative not to lose sight of some important factors that will come in handy during those cold winter months.
1. He Ain’t Ya Man!  -- Ladies, if your interaction with this person will occur mainly between Labor Day and let’s say….around President’s Day--maybe even St. Patrick’s day--then he isn’t your man. He’s just a f*ck buddy.
2. He Must Have Good D*ck Game – This is a must ladies! The d*ck must be tested prior to the unofficial start of Cuffin Season. This still gives you time to find a suitable replacement. I mean, how incredibly wack would it be to wait until October 15th to sleep with your new friend, only to find out that the d*ck game is WEAK! TRAGEDY! *Nicki Minaj voice* It’s gone be a long winter boo boo!
3. Be Sure He Can Shovel – You are probably reading this like: “Shovel, A? Really?” Trust me, it makes sense. In Bmore last year, we had two blizzards in one week. Let’s just say that if you invite your new piece over before the storm, you have someone to shovel the snow -- because he has to be able to get himself out in order to go home. Am I right or am I right?
4. Keep Ya Purse in Ya Sight – Don’t laugh! You think that because you invite this person into your home to have sex with you that he won’t steal from you! WRONG WRONG! Ladies, the Maryland Judiciary Case Search site (or your respective state’s court search, and this page should be bookmarked if you are dating) is your best friend, check them out before you invite them into your home. Identity theft, stolen wallets, and missing debit cards are not cool around Christmas time!
Hopefully these tips get you off to the right start in your selection process. If you have more tips for those in the hunt, leave a comment. In the meantime, still flirt; drop it like it’s hot at every all white party, rooftop party, or cookout you attend. Happy Hunting!!!!!!!