With Just One Click: Dating in a 2.0 World

Situation: 
We have all been there.  You sign onto the Facebook.com and see one picture that leads to a night of investigative research, culminating in a detailed report to your fellow stalker friends.  If you are a “Facebook stalker”, does this make you crazy? Or is it perfectly acceptable to be a virtual stalker, as long as you’re not a physical one?  We’ll start the conversation by giving our opinions on the matter. 

Facebook was the game changer!

He Says:

I want to shout out A---who has perfected the art of hidden stalking.  She is great at what she does. LOL.

Some ninjas (sorry if I offend anyone---again) have just gone too far with their Facebook stalking.  I honestly feel that some people use this site as their own personal database for performing background checks.  And there are a few things that irk the hell out of me about it. 

1.       When I put up a status on Facebook---please don’t think that is an invitation for you to text me about it.  Facebook created a “comment” button so that you can comment on the site.  My statuses are not reason for you to call me and initiate a conversation based on the information found therein.  Don’t use my status as an ice breaker.  If I wanted to have an offline conversation with you about it---I would have contacted you personally to begin with. 
2.      I have had many a ridiculous conversation with ladies about my statuses, photos, and blocking methods (hey, clearly it is deserved!).  GTFOH!  It’s just a social network.  Don’t verbally attack me because a jawn wrote on my wall and told me I’m sexy and she wants to have multiple children by me---even if it’s true. LOL.  Unfortunately I can’t control these things all the time.  My privacy settings are fairly immaculate, but sometimes things do slip through the cracks.       
3.      DO. NOT. EVER. stalk my wall, photos, etc and then come back to me talking about information that I have never shared with you personally.  I think it’s a little weird if you are only texting me about Britney Spears because you read my “25 things” list (y’all remember that?).  On one occasion, I actually had someone stalk my entire page, and then proceed to stalk the pages of several of my friends!  Then, this fool had the nerve to text me stating that AB had amazing makeup and she wanted AB to do hers.  I was frankly quite scared!  If you are going to stalk---at least be sure that you keep any information gathered to yourself; or else you run the risk of coming off as a complete nut job.  If you need some covert stalking tips---contact A for classes. LOL

K
P.S.  I want to thank God and Mark Zuckerberg for creating the best thing known to man: privacy settings!  Let all the ninjas say, “AMEN!” 

She Says:

Dear Mark Zuckerberg,
I hate you! No, really--I do! My idle time has made you a billionaire and my daily interactions with your little website, Facebook, continue to make you money.  Not only have you revolutionized social networking sites, but you have completely changed the way people communicate. In addition, you have added another element to relationship dynamics, that often times has catastrophic implications. For this, we thank you! *insert sarcasm*
Love,
A

I wonder how often Mark hears those sentiments from his users. Facebook has become a game changer in relationships.  It has given many people the opportunity to know what their boo, crush, or fav smanger is doing at all times. Ladies, have you ever called up one of your friends to have a dish session centered on the latest status or tagged picture that showed up in your news feed? You sit on the phone dissecting every aspect of it. You comb over the person’s page like you are a forensic analyst and his page is a crime scene. You find yourself clicking to see more about the chick who comments on every picture and likes every status. Then the next thing you know you are looking at all of her pictures, sharing them with your friends, and having the “I am cuter than her right?” conversation.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking at all of this information; it’s part of the person’s digital footprint and is fair game for exploration. If companies can use Facebook in the job hiring process, then why can't you use it in the dating process?  If people don’t want certain information shared then they should hide it, delete it, or…I don’t know--do something else with it besides post it on Facebook. LOL. I do, however, have a problem with those who are not discreet Facebook stalkers. You give the covert stalkers a bad name. Don’t ever get sloppy and talk about knowledge you acquire from Facebook research with your boo, crush, or fav smanger. If you do, it will make you look like a crazy fool.

I leave you all with this thought… Friends don’t let friends Facebook stalk recklessly, so go forth and stalk responsibly.

A

Single Black Woman Syndrome

Situation: 

Before you judge this post, please know it is not another of the many statistic-ridden horror stories you’ve seen in the media that waxes on about the plight of black women who can’t find love. This one is more personalized and will focus on our lovely AB. AB is a beautiful Black woman with a great job and a banging personality!  So why is she still single?  Is it that ninjas ain’t sh*t---or could AB be doing something to push eligible men away? It's time for us to attack this dilemma in signature FDLF fashion.

Lol!!!

She Says:

I have been dreading this day…the day that KG would want me to address my “singleness.” I know that that he is going to go in on me. I can feel it in my bones! *deep sigh*

So, to the question: Why am I single? I probably ask myself this once a week, though usually for all the wrong reasons. At this moment, I would have to say that I really only want a boyfriend for consistent sex and gifts! Lol--hey at least I am honest. *shrugs* However, the real answer is that my singleness is probably a combination of my issues and the selection of men out there.

I’ll address my own issues first. I have major “daddy issues” that have, in turn, caused me to be extra hard on men, and quick to write people off when I feel wronged. It takes a lot for me to trust people and it’s extremely difficult for me to open up. To my credit, I have been doing a lot better in this area in the past year. But overall, my preference remains to be happy by myself, rather than dealing with nonsense in an unhappy relationship; I don’t have the patience for the latter.

Now to address the “ninjas ain’t sh*t” theory:  I will not say that men aren’t sh*t. That is not true--though some come pretty damn close to proving the theory. It would seem, however, that many men are coming to the table with a mediocre ass hand of cards, and drawing women that have a damn Full House. And I think men can get overwhelmed by all of their options. Why settle down when you can date multiple eligible women at the same time? Men have the luxury of actually dating several people at once, where women are often left dating one only guy at a time. After all, it is a pure numbers game out here. In every major city there are far more eligible women than there are men.

Regarding my personal expectations, I don’t have extremely high ones.  All I really ask is that you do what you say you are going to do, don’t beat on me, don’t cheat on me, don’t do drugs, don’t lie, don’t smoke, please don’t have kids (not a deal breaker though), and please don’t have a prison record or pending charges.

Is that too much to ask for?

A

He Says:

First I need to set the stage for this: AB is like my sister, so I feel like I can say anything about anything to her. We have that kind of relationship.

With that being said, AB is single because of AB! Nothing more, nothing less. AB has everything going for her, and pulls men on the regular. But AB has a couple of things inbred in her that are causing her to have an inability to fully commit. First of all, AB is too damn picky. I understand that women have the right to have a type for their dream man, but there comes a point where you can’t push away a man with potential—especially not based on one thing they’re missing, or have done wrong. Maybe my perspective is skewed as I’m on the outside looking in, but as a positive and intelligent (read: “good”) Black man, I have to be honest in pointing to this as a problem that I see with a lot of Black women. The mentality is that you “deserve” perfection (because that exists *insert sarcasm here*), when the reality is that in this day and age you need to be satisfied with a good man who has the potential to be great. Yet these are the men that unfortunately, both AB--and some of her single counterparts--push away.

I know that deep down, AB wants love. She wants the happiness and stability that come with having someone in her life that cares for her. Still, there’s a block buried somewhere inside of her that won’t let her allow someone to fully get “in”. She uses that cover that she only wants sex and gifts as a smokescreen for her deeper problem of not wanting to open up. Honestly, a lot of this has to do with her “Daddy” issues, but I believe that not being fully emotionally separated from her past long-term relationship also plays a part. AB invested a lot emotionally in said relationship--which was, quite frankly, the epitome of love, and an accurate picture of what emotional vulnerability between two people looks like. Though she was an absolutely great girlfriend, timing did not allow the relationship to last. AB was deep in love, and sometimes it takes a while to fall out of love; it sounds cliché, but it’s the truth.

AB has not come to the point where she will allow someone access to her core because of the fear of abandonment. It is always safer to close yourself up and build a surface level relationship with someone in the event that they are to leave you. AB has to realize that she won’t find fulfillment within herself, nor will another loving man come along, until she is able to trust again. That’s what it’s going to take for her to find the true happiness in a relationship that she wants---and definitely deserves.

P.S. Love you Sis!

K

She Says:

WOW! *looks around and slowly backs out of the room*

"When You Walk Through the Garden..."

Situation:

You might have been living under a rock this past week if you did not hear about the arrest of Felecia “Snoop” Pearson. The headlines had a ball saying that this was a case of art imitating life. That may or may not be true, but this recent arrest made us pull out our complete DVD sets of one of the best shows ever on television – The Wire. We wanted to share our five favorite characters from the show. Here they are…

She Says:

First, let me say that The Wire is one of my favorite TV shows, and I recently completed watching my DVD set of the series. If you have never watched an episode, I implore you to do so immediately. It will be worth your time. While watching the five seasons, I really grew attached to more than a few characters, making it tough for me to narrow it down—which, quite frankly, occurs every time we do a post that requires a list. Clearly, I have commitment issues, lol.  Nevertheless, KG makes me do it!

1. Omar – Here was a character that was an exercise in contradiction -- a gay man who robbed drug dealers with a shot gun and whistled “the farmer and dell” as he approached his victims. How great is that?! I love Omar so much that I still get mad at that “lil gump Kenard” for having killed him. Because I know that KG and I share a favorite quote from this character, I will choose another that Omar used while robbing someone:  “Money don’t have no owners, only spenders...I like that ring, too. Boy, you got me confused with a man who repeats himself.”  RIP OMAR!

2. Bodie – Other than being a cutie, Bodie was a G. He didn’t advance far in the Barksdale organization, but he continued to hold down his corner until his last breath--even after being forced to work for Marlo. *spoiler alert* Bodie’s death was the only one, besides Stringer Bell’s, that made me cry.

3. Wee-Bay – I loved me some Wee-Bay. He was the most loyal person on the Barksdale team. Instead of giving up Stringer and Avon, he took the wrap for eight or more bodies in exchange for a pit beef sandwich and potato salad. Lol. What’s not to love about that?!

4. Mike – Though they were all likeable, the character “Michael” stood out among all of the children on the show. It was great to watch how the writers developed his character from a fairly innocent student, into a killer. He was taken under the wing of Snoop and Chris, whom he eventually outsmarted. Adding depth to the storyline, and making his character even better, was his friendship with Wee-Bay’s son Namond-- who wanted no part of the drug game that both his father and good friend were entangled in.

5. D’Angelo Barksdale – D’Angelo was not built for the drug game. Though he ended up behind bars, some of his best scenes took place in jail. Best line: “Where’s Wallace? Where the fuck is Wallace? Huh? String! STRING! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! WHERE THE FUCK IS WALLACE?!"

Honorable Mention: Wee-Bay’s Baby Momma De’Londa – She was a trifling piece of work, whom we met in the fourth season of the show. This fool was pushing her 13-year-old son to sell drugs, so she could stay fly. My favorite line ever uttered from her lips: “I been done keep ya ass in Nike since you were born.”

A

He Says:

The Wire is the greatest show in television history.  If you think differently, you have either not seen it (in which case, I would advise you to go out right now and purchase the DVDs for some good weekend entertainment) … or you been hitting the WMD (all my Wire heads know what I speak of).  In honor of our girl Snoop’s arrest, I am paying homage by listing my top 5 characters from The Wire.

1. Bodie - Many people might disagree with me about this, but I respected Bodie.  Bodie never swayed from what he believed in.  The game has rules---and he made sure never to stray from the code of the streets.  He started off as a young cat in the low rises, and eventually moved to running his own corner.  He made it through the power switch from Barksdale to Stansfield, and in the end, even went out like a true G.  But the kid always maintained a survivor's mentality, despite knowing that he was never more than a pawn in the game.  He said it best himself, “The game is rigged, man. We like them little bitches on the chess board.”

2. Omar – Omar was a “homothug” with a shotgun and an addiction to buying Honey Nut Cheerios in a silk robe at the corner store.  This character was genius.  He robbed the drug dealers, stuck up corner stores, and scared the living crap out of little kids when he walked down the street whistling.  He even had the audacity to kill the ladies’ favorite character—after which his popularity increased even more.  Finally, he might have had the best quote in modern history!  “If you come at the King---you best not miss.” 

3. Snoop - Who would have ever thought that the greatest thug on the show would be a woman?  Well actually, being from Baltimore, I see this type of woman on a regular basis—so I know that this was a smart move on the part of the writers.  I have to say, the fact that she helped Chris to fill up the vacants was quite intriguing/appealing to me.  And the most amazing turn of events for Snoop was right before she died:  you would never imagine a thug like Snoop asking, “How my hair look Mike?”

4. Clay Davis- He makes this list simply because he used to spit the same phrase to folk that I do when they’re talking that nonsense---“SHEEEEEEEEEIT!”

5. Stringer Bell - It shocks me that A does not have String on her list considering she damn near died when he did!  My man was a drug dealer in a suit who, in his spare time, went to community college and ran a real estate business.  He held cats accountable for the business they were running.  If I could list only one thing that I learned from Stringer Bell, it would be that “ninjas don’t appreciate a 40 degree day.”  

K

FDLF's Top Five Movies of All Time

Situation: 
A reader thought we did such a great job with Music Week, that they asked if we could share our top five movies of all time. Sure thing! Here we go…


She Says:

My top five favorite movies of all time…hmmmm… I have my number one and nothing will ever top it. Now to think of four more…

1. Trading Places – “I am a karate man and a karate man bruise on the inside. They don’t show they weaknesses. But you wouldn’t know nothing about that because you a big Barry White looking mother*cker. ”   THIS IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME!!!!! I mean, this is just classic Eddie Murphy right here. I can “perform” the whole movie from start to finish, and in different voices. This is just a straight classic--I really cannot say anything else about it!

2. Imitation of Life (1959) – Every time I watch this movie, the water works open. It is a great movie about a black girl who looks white, but hates that she is black. To add insult to injury, her mom works as a maid to a white movie star. So, the girl leaves home and “passes” as white all of her life. I won’t give away the movie, but you definitely should watch it if you have not seen it already. Just make sure you have your tissues ready.

3. Center Stage – I could watch this movie over and over again. I have it saved on my DVR from when I recorded it back in 2007. Now that I have Apple TV and Netflix, I could probably delete it to make space on my DVR, but I never will. It is definitely a chick flick and it features Zoe Saldana, before she found stardom.

4. Coming to America – Am I an Eddie Murphy junkie?! You have to admit, he really is a comedic genius. Who doesn’t love this movie? Who can’t recite the lines from this movie? Actually if you can’t you might just find your black card revoked! Lol

5.Dirty Dancing – I don’t think I need to say anything except, “Nobody puts baby in a corner.” Ohhh and Patrick Swayze was hot in this movie! (RIP!)

A

He Says:

Though ranking movies may be much easier for me than narrowing down music lists; I did still have a little trouble getting to my favorite five. However, after much thought and deliberation, I bestow upon you: K’s Holy Grail of movies.

1. Love Jones - Anyone who knows me well is aware of my deep love, passion, and damn near obsession with this movie. This love story is brought to life by combining all of my loves--jazz, poetry, photography, steppin’, and sex; no other movie does this in quite the same way. “Darius” embodies the meaning of true love, especially when he says things like, “This here--right now, at this very moment--is all that matters to me. I love you. That's urgent like a mother*er.” That’s exactly how I felt about “Nina Mosley” then, and how I still feel to this day. LOL.

Side note: I was going to insert my favorite clip from the movie here. But since we are a fairly family friendly website (the Steak and BJ Day post wasn’t that bad, right?), I could not post the beautiful Nia Long in all her splendor. Sorry gentleman…and ladies.

2. Vanilla Sky - Most people will say either one of two things when I tell them how much I love this movie: “WTF” or “That movie made no damn sense.” While the latter of those two statements may be true, I have an honest appreciation for movies that make you think; ones where you learn or pick up on something new every time you watch them. Come talk to me if you ever want me to break this movie down for you and confuse you even more….or perhaps, I will tell you in another life--when we both are cats.

3. Hitch - If ever there were a movie character that I connected with, it was Hitch: a smooth guy, with a good heart who eventually had to learn to take his own advice to get what he wanted from life. Not to mention Kevin James’ character is funny as hell.

4. Mo Betta’ Blues - I was Bleek Gilliam in a past life. Or maybe I will be him during the next Harlem Renaissance. Fk it, I am Bleek Gilliam! LOL. I’ll even accept the burden of having two fine women at the same time!

5. Coming to America – This is, in my opinion, the greatest comedy of all time. I don’t know if Black people have quoted any other movie more often than they have quoted Coming to America. In the words of Reverend Brown, “You know there's a God who sits on high and looks down low! Man cannot make it like this! Larry Flint? Hugh Hefner? They can take the picture, but you can't make it! Only God above, the Hugh Hefner on high, can make it for ya!”

K

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Situation:
Attention men! What could possibly be touted as the most wonderful day of the year is coming; mark your calendars for MARCH 14th! You may be wondering, “What is the importance of this day?” Why, it is national STEAK AND BJ DAY!

She Says:
Ohhhh Ladies, get ready! Now is the time for you to put in work as a “thank you” for all the money and energy previously spent by your man. No worries--the fellas have made it easy for you. There is no guessing at what they want; it is explicitly stated in the name of the day. So, please do not try to re-interpret the meaning of the day, or turn it into something else. Simply give your man, boo, or whoever a damn steak dinner and a BJ.

I will help my girls out just a little bit, and provide some suggestions. For my ladies who do not cook, take your man out to a nice steakhouse like Capital Grille or even to Outback Steakhouse. Yes, you read that correctly: Outback Steakhouse. The price of gas is laughable right now, and it may be affecting your discretionary income. Trust me I understand, and being broke is never cute! Lol. For those ladies who want to go the extra mile and cook a nice steak dinner at home, I would recommend the following recipes. You can utilize Google to find more:
http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/the-best-steak-marinade/Detail.aspx
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/sirloin-steak-recipe/index.html

For the BJ portion of the day, well…. if you have been following our blog since its inception, you have read the post where I shared my thoughts on this topic. If not, you can read it here. Regardless, I will leave you with one parting thought, Ladies: Remember to reach deep down into your soul and channel your inner Superhead. Now get the hell to work!

Fellas, please enjoy!

A

He Says:

Well Ladies and Gents; it has finally arrived. It’s time to celebrate the wonderful day known as Steak and BJ day.  Some have been celebrating this illustrious holiday for years; while some, like myself, are new to the festivities (despite wishing they had known about this many years ago).  In my Steak and BJ Day research, I discovered that in some circles, this day is more important than V-Day, Jesus’ Birthday, and even the day Biggie died! So in keeping with said importance, I wanted to give some tips and tricks to the young ladies out here to make sure that they make it enjoyable for the man (or men--do you, Playa: get your protein) of their choosing.

1. Men enjoy steak!  This is a commonly known fact; but, perhaps not so commonly known, is that they are very particular about the way that they want their meat (No D.L.) prepared.  So Ladies, if you cannot cook, this is not the day to attempt to get your Paula Dean on in the kitchen.  Your man does not want to eat a bloody steak, nor does he want to chew on rubber at the dinner table.  If you don’t possess the necessary talents in the kitchen, and you cook turkeys like Gina from Martin, please spare your man the pain.  Get your Visa, MasterCard, or Rush Card ready, and take that brother to the closest Outback.  You can get him a $9.99 special and make him happy, instead of pissing him off because you forced him to chew on some junk you threw up on the George Foreman you haven’t cleaned in 2 years!

2. Please understand: this is not the time or the instance for you to give the normal ole BJ service.  On this day, you want to hit him with the unexpected.  Don’t just get home and act like you are doing him a favor.  Appreciate the BJ and the enjoyment that he will experience.  When you are leaving the Outback, show him some attention in the car.  Or after he finishes eating the steak that you made, make him the dessert.  The key point, though, is to do something different and exciting.  If you got a man that is normally trash---you may actually get a good 1-2 weeks of drama free relations if you handle this thang the right way.

3. Please make sure that you eat a steak too.  The brother does not want you chomping and gnawing on his thing with your teeth because you didn’t get any grub.  Thank you and goodnight!

 K

Fact or Fiction: Are Platonic Friends Real?

Situation:
Is there such a thing as a platonic relationship? Can men and women really be just friends?

She Says:
YES! YES! YES! I wholeheartedly believe that every woman should have a meaningful friendship with someone of the opposite sex; caveat: he should not be someone who wants to smash her. It is great to have someone to run all my crazy questions by regarding men, and to not be judged. I think the key to being in a platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex is to truly value and respect what you have with that person. If you have a hidden agenda, or hopes of it becoming something more than a friendship, you are creating gray areas within the boundaries of the relationship.

A mutual friend of K’s and mine stated, “You guys have such a rare platonic friendship; I mean, you have never had sex.” This is true; we have never had sex, never kissed, never….well, done anything that was more than friendly. And quite honestly, the thought of doing so disgusts me—really, it does! YUCKERS! I am content and satisfied with my relationship with K as it is.

K and I have attended the same school since 6th grade; the poor guy even followed me to Temple University, lol. Our friendship has a solid history, and it isn’t worth messing up. It has been tested by past girlfriends of his, who were uncomfortable by our relationship. In my opinion, it was more of a result of their insecurities than any flaw in my relationship with him, or any boundary having been crossed by our actions as friends. 

But I digress. To summate my opinion, men and women can successfully be platonic friends, as long as both parties involved respect the boundaries that have been set, and stay out of the gray area.

A

He Says:
The question, “Can men and women be just friends??” has invoked discussion for a long time. Many people question the validity of the concept of “platonic friends” because they understand the emotional differences between the male and female species. It is sometimes assumed that a man always has ulterior motives to get to “smash time”. It is also assumed that when a man shows concern for a woman, he is automatically interested in marrying her. As a cat who honestly cares about the well being of other people, my past life was filled with consistent occurrences of people mistaking my true friendship for my being in love with them.

Ladies, every guy that shows interest in you is not looking to wife you. And gentleman, most women don’t want to smush you—no matter how hard you try. Learn to build that relationship! I honestly believe that platonic friendships/relationships are completely necessary. See, your dudes are going to give you that false sense of reality; but a woman will keep you in check and tell you when you are acting up, or when you are doing something wrong to your girl. I learned one very important thing from an old head I know, and that is: the best way to truly learn how to treat a woman is to ask a woman!

Luckily I have been able to build a true platonic friendship with someone that I can now call a sister. We know that our friendship will never be anything more than what it is; and I honestly believe that neither of us would ever cross that line. We have had people ask “When is smash time?” or “Are you sure ya’ll aren’t in a relationship?” We have even had people compare us to Dre and Syd from the movie Brown Sugar. But at the end of the day, A and I have embraced the fact that most friendships will never be as deep as ours and we have no need to take it to the “forbidden level”. We understand the boundaries, and in turn, that allows us to have a successful platonic relationship.

P.S. I don’t disgust her. LOL

K

Times Running Out Before You Say "I Do"

Situation: One of our favorite blogs, Until I Get Married, had an interesting topic a few weeks ago – The Altar List. I am sure many of you are familiar with a bucket list; an altar list is essentially the same, except it lists all of things you want to do before you take the trip down the aisle. In reality though, something does die when you get married so they could really be interchangeable, lol.


She Says:
Hmmmmmm….I don’t even have a bucket list—at least not a formal one--so I certainly have not been thinking about a damn altar list. I am still not convinced that I am going to get married, or that I want to get married--but that is a post for another day. I will try to keep this list as PG-13 as possible; I don’t want you all to think different of me because “I’m a lady!” *in my best Shenehneh voice* Well, here it goes…

1. Have a true “What happens in Vegas” kind of weekend
2. Have a love affair with a hot Italian man while living in Florence, Italy for six months
3. Get my nose pierced
4. Have a one night stand
5. Have a fab luxury vacay with my girls somewhere amazing
6. Road trip across the country
7. Have a bad relationship (sounds crazy, I know)
8. Turn 30
9. Continue to sleep like a wild woman across my whole bed
10. GET A PRENUP

I realized as I wrote this post that it was kind of difficult for me to decide what I needed to do BEFORE I get married; it’s one of those things where you don’t know what you want to do with your freedom until it is in danger of being taken away. I’m sure I’ll need to re-evaluate if I ever actually get close to wanting to walk down the aisle.

A

He Says:

Due to another obligation, I felt that it would be difficult for me to write on this topic as thoroughly and honestly as I would like.  But because I am so committed to you all, I reached out to some of my most intelligent male friends and fraternity brothers to solicit their honest opinions on this topic.  Approximately 35 men of varying ages gave me their perspectives today about ‘the altar list’.  These are the most recurring responses, and are not a reflection of my personal feelings in any way. LOL.

1. Have a threesome and/or "appear as the only dude in a Brazilian bubble butt movie" - This makes complete sense to any man that has ever seen one of these classic flicks. LOL.  

2. Date and/or smash a woman of another race - At first I was polling all Negroes so I thought they were all just trying to get their reparations.  That’s when I decided to ask a few Asian and Caucasian men about some of the things they wanted to do before marriage. Four out of five of them said they wanted to sleep with a Black woman.  This is not shocking because they are beautiful, but I didn’t expect it to be something that non-Black men ranked at the top of their altar list.

3. Go to Vegas/Amsterdam/Jersey  Shore with the homies one last time -  I don’t believe the destination matters, but a man wants to have one last version of “The Hangover” before getting shackled…err, married.  While legally single, you have the freedom to do whatever you want.  When you purchase that ring, however, the routine suddenly goes from acting nutty as hell on the weekends to taking out the trash and watching Real Housewives of Atlanta ( I feel bad for my Pops, lol).

4. "Here’s a thought: don’t do it.”-  This may have been the most honest thing I heard all day.  The funny thing is that I didn’t even prompt this response: a couple of cats—both young and old--willingly threw this out there up front.  Was I shocked? Hell No!

In the end, Ladies and Gents need to make sure that they have accomplished everything they wanted to accomplish while single before a union is created.  The best quote I heard all day came from a man they call “Brother to the Night”.  He said, “Don’t get me wrong--you are always going to see something walking down the street and think: ‘Damn, I wouldn’t mind exploring that!’ You just have to be truly honest with yourself at the end of the day. Can you see yourself being truly in love with this woman for the next 40 or 50 years? If yes, then I say go for it--but if you haven’t gotten to that point I say do what you got to do and keep on EXPLORING before you enter into that next step. Some people need to stop falling in love with the idea of being married, and actually fall in love with the person they are going to marry.”

Nuff said.

K