Baltimore: The Greatest City in America?!?!

Situation:

Recently, our hometown of Baltimore received negative national attention– AGAIN! The latest Baltimore feature was the video of a brawl in a McDonald’s restaurant, where two teenage girls beat a transgender woman until she went into seizures; the video quickly went viral. Though the recent events that have plagued Baltimore are horrific, Baltimore is still a great big little city! 

Ahhh, Bmore!

She Says:

Yet again, Baltimore is in the national spotlight for awful reasons, adding to the growing stigma of Baltimore as an unsafe city. It is extremely disheartening that Baltimore is always portrayed in this fashion and rarely highlighted for anything positive. Baltimore has a lot of charm that very often gets overlooked in favor of showcasing its gritty alter ego.  Baltimore is more than beating s, drugs, and the Inner Harbor. Let me tell you how:

1. Crabs -- Where else can you get steamed crabs, soft shell crabs, and crab cakes both easily and cost effectively? I would be willing to wager that a crab cake from the local carryout is better than those in some 4 or 5 star restaurants in other cities. One of the best ways to spend the summers in Bmore is to grab a few friends, head to the harbor, sip beer and eat freshly steamed blue crabs on the dock!

2. Free Festivals – I know many cities host free festivals. However the charm of Baltimore’s summer festivals is that they are ethnic in focus: African-American, Polish, Greek, Hispanic, Caribbean, and more. Often these events feature major national recording artists as entertainment.  In addition to those that are ethnically themed, you can also attend events like Artscape and the Baltimore Book festival. (I can’t wait for summer!)

3. Great Neighborhoods – Baltimore has many quirky and fun neighborhoods like Canton, Hampden, Mount Vernon, and Fells Point. Venturing out in these neighborhoods is a nice weekend activity due to all the cool eateries and boutiques. However – beware that you don’t go too far out of the boundary of the neighborhood. In Baltimore, you are just 3 blocks away from the hood at all times!  

Another thing you’ll note once you venture into Baltimore’s neighborhoods and communities, and interact with their inhabitants, is the rivalry that perpetually exists between those residing on the East Side vs. those that live on the West Side. There is no competition in my mind, of course—the west side is better. If I am going to hike over to the east side, then I might as well keep going up 95 and head to Philly!

4. Lexington Market – Ohh there is nothing on earth that compares to the World Famous Lexington Market. I don’t even think that I can fully describe the atmosphere, but let me try. You can get one of the best crab cakes on earth at Faidley’s,  then venture outside and watch crack head magic tricks. You will see a crack head, as high as a kite, do a lean better than MJ himself (#ripMJ), all while holding their jumbo half and half—never falling or spilling one drop of their beverage. Oh, and there’s no need to be afraid of this phenomenon; the Lexington Market crack head is a peaceful creature.

Baltimore truly is a great city when the weather is warm :). Now, if only someone could provide stable nightlife for the city! *deep sigh*

A

He Says:

I love my city. There is something beautiful about being able to still be proud of a town that is best known for murders, STDs, and good Heroin. But alas, I will tell you about three of the wonderful things I most enjoy about my city:

1. Baltimore Club Music - Club music is the staple sound of Bmore culture; it is the sound of the people in this city. I remember being a little kid and sneaking my headphones into my room so I could listen to Frank Ski mix during the late night shift on V-103FM. Over the years, our music has spread outside of Baltimore, and up and down the east coast, but it remains native to us. One note of caution: make sure to watch out if you are in the club when it comes on. There’s a possibility you may get elbowed, stabbed or impregnated. (R.I.P Miss Tony and K-Swift.)

2. Norma Jean’s/Eldorado’s - I know some of you folks in upper class urban cities like Atlanta think y’all have the best “skrippers”, but there is nothing in the world like seeing a mother “butter ball” naked on the pole. I would venture to say that Baltimore might have the most amazing looking strippers on the east coast. Not to mention the unique excitement of knowing you’re going into an establishment where you will most certainly see a woman fully tatted, with fresh stretch marks and gold teeth; only in my city can you look this way and still get enough money to support 4 kids!

3. Korean Fried Chicken - I know, I know--some of you folks believe that the best fried chicken is from Popeye’s or KFC. But, being the fried chicken connoisseur that I am, I have to let you know (and this may be shocking) that you have not had the best fried chicken until you have been to a hood establishment in this here great city of Baltimore. My Korean brothers and sisters have truly mastered the delicate art of frying the chicken wang. Head on over to Royal’s in The Village, or down to Super’s at Lexington Market and Mrs. Kim will bless you with the best fried chicken of your life!

Baltimore is, in fact, a wonderful place for family and friends to enjoy each other. From the outside it may not seem that our city has much to offer, but there is so much here to enjoy. Now that you know where to go and what to do, buy your bullet proof vest and condoms, then head out and enjoy my city. And remember, eat the crabs--don’t let the crabs eat you!

K

P.S. This blog post was brought to you by the fine people at Jesus Christ Bail Bonds. Enjoy the video below! :) 

"When You Walk Through the Garden..."

Situation:

You might have been living under a rock this past week if you did not hear about the arrest of Felecia “Snoop” Pearson. The headlines had a ball saying that this was a case of art imitating life. That may or may not be true, but this recent arrest made us pull out our complete DVD sets of one of the best shows ever on television – The Wire. We wanted to share our five favorite characters from the show. Here they are…

She Says:

First, let me say that The Wire is one of my favorite TV shows, and I recently completed watching my DVD set of the series. If you have never watched an episode, I implore you to do so immediately. It will be worth your time. While watching the five seasons, I really grew attached to more than a few characters, making it tough for me to narrow it down—which, quite frankly, occurs every time we do a post that requires a list. Clearly, I have commitment issues, lol.  Nevertheless, KG makes me do it!

1. Omar – Here was a character that was an exercise in contradiction -- a gay man who robbed drug dealers with a shot gun and whistled “the farmer and dell” as he approached his victims. How great is that?! I love Omar so much that I still get mad at that “lil gump Kenard” for having killed him. Because I know that KG and I share a favorite quote from this character, I will choose another that Omar used while robbing someone:  “Money don’t have no owners, only spenders...I like that ring, too. Boy, you got me confused with a man who repeats himself.”  RIP OMAR!

2. Bodie – Other than being a cutie, Bodie was a G. He didn’t advance far in the Barksdale organization, but he continued to hold down his corner until his last breath--even after being forced to work for Marlo. *spoiler alert* Bodie’s death was the only one, besides Stringer Bell’s, that made me cry.

3. Wee-Bay – I loved me some Wee-Bay. He was the most loyal person on the Barksdale team. Instead of giving up Stringer and Avon, he took the wrap for eight or more bodies in exchange for a pit beef sandwich and potato salad. Lol. What’s not to love about that?!

4. Mike – Though they were all likeable, the character “Michael” stood out among all of the children on the show. It was great to watch how the writers developed his character from a fairly innocent student, into a killer. He was taken under the wing of Snoop and Chris, whom he eventually outsmarted. Adding depth to the storyline, and making his character even better, was his friendship with Wee-Bay’s son Namond-- who wanted no part of the drug game that both his father and good friend were entangled in.

5. D’Angelo Barksdale – D’Angelo was not built for the drug game. Though he ended up behind bars, some of his best scenes took place in jail. Best line: “Where’s Wallace? Where the fuck is Wallace? Huh? String! STRING! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! WHERE THE FUCK IS WALLACE?!"

Honorable Mention: Wee-Bay’s Baby Momma De’Londa – She was a trifling piece of work, whom we met in the fourth season of the show. This fool was pushing her 13-year-old son to sell drugs, so she could stay fly. My favorite line ever uttered from her lips: “I been done keep ya ass in Nike since you were born.”

A

He Says:

The Wire is the greatest show in television history.  If you think differently, you have either not seen it (in which case, I would advise you to go out right now and purchase the DVDs for some good weekend entertainment) … or you been hitting the WMD (all my Wire heads know what I speak of).  In honor of our girl Snoop’s arrest, I am paying homage by listing my top 5 characters from The Wire.

1. Bodie - Many people might disagree with me about this, but I respected Bodie.  Bodie never swayed from what he believed in.  The game has rules---and he made sure never to stray from the code of the streets.  He started off as a young cat in the low rises, and eventually moved to running his own corner.  He made it through the power switch from Barksdale to Stansfield, and in the end, even went out like a true G.  But the kid always maintained a survivor's mentality, despite knowing that he was never more than a pawn in the game.  He said it best himself, “The game is rigged, man. We like them little bitches on the chess board.”

2. Omar – Omar was a “homothug” with a shotgun and an addiction to buying Honey Nut Cheerios in a silk robe at the corner store.  This character was genius.  He robbed the drug dealers, stuck up corner stores, and scared the living crap out of little kids when he walked down the street whistling.  He even had the audacity to kill the ladies’ favorite character—after which his popularity increased even more.  Finally, he might have had the best quote in modern history!  “If you come at the King---you best not miss.” 

3. Snoop - Who would have ever thought that the greatest thug on the show would be a woman?  Well actually, being from Baltimore, I see this type of woman on a regular basis—so I know that this was a smart move on the part of the writers.  I have to say, the fact that she helped Chris to fill up the vacants was quite intriguing/appealing to me.  And the most amazing turn of events for Snoop was right before she died:  you would never imagine a thug like Snoop asking, “How my hair look Mike?”

4. Clay Davis- He makes this list simply because he used to spit the same phrase to folk that I do when they’re talking that nonsense---“SHEEEEEEEEEIT!”

5. Stringer Bell - It shocks me that A does not have String on her list considering she damn near died when he did!  My man was a drug dealer in a suit who, in his spare time, went to community college and ran a real estate business.  He held cats accountable for the business they were running.  If I could list only one thing that I learned from Stringer Bell, it would be that “ninjas don’t appreciate a 40 degree day.”  

K

FDLF's Top Five Movies of All Time

Situation: 
A reader thought we did such a great job with Music Week, that they asked if we could share our top five movies of all time. Sure thing! Here we go…


She Says:

My top five favorite movies of all time…hmmmm… I have my number one and nothing will ever top it. Now to think of four more…

1. Trading Places – “I am a karate man and a karate man bruise on the inside. They don’t show they weaknesses. But you wouldn’t know nothing about that because you a big Barry White looking mother*cker. ”   THIS IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME!!!!! I mean, this is just classic Eddie Murphy right here. I can “perform” the whole movie from start to finish, and in different voices. This is just a straight classic--I really cannot say anything else about it!

2. Imitation of Life (1959) – Every time I watch this movie, the water works open. It is a great movie about a black girl who looks white, but hates that she is black. To add insult to injury, her mom works as a maid to a white movie star. So, the girl leaves home and “passes” as white all of her life. I won’t give away the movie, but you definitely should watch it if you have not seen it already. Just make sure you have your tissues ready.

3. Center Stage – I could watch this movie over and over again. I have it saved on my DVR from when I recorded it back in 2007. Now that I have Apple TV and Netflix, I could probably delete it to make space on my DVR, but I never will. It is definitely a chick flick and it features Zoe Saldana, before she found stardom.

4. Coming to America – Am I an Eddie Murphy junkie?! You have to admit, he really is a comedic genius. Who doesn’t love this movie? Who can’t recite the lines from this movie? Actually if you can’t you might just find your black card revoked! Lol

5.Dirty Dancing – I don’t think I need to say anything except, “Nobody puts baby in a corner.” Ohhh and Patrick Swayze was hot in this movie! (RIP!)

A

He Says:

Though ranking movies may be much easier for me than narrowing down music lists; I did still have a little trouble getting to my favorite five. However, after much thought and deliberation, I bestow upon you: K’s Holy Grail of movies.

1. Love Jones - Anyone who knows me well is aware of my deep love, passion, and damn near obsession with this movie. This love story is brought to life by combining all of my loves--jazz, poetry, photography, steppin’, and sex; no other movie does this in quite the same way. “Darius” embodies the meaning of true love, especially when he says things like, “This here--right now, at this very moment--is all that matters to me. I love you. That's urgent like a mother*er.” That’s exactly how I felt about “Nina Mosley” then, and how I still feel to this day. LOL.

Side note: I was going to insert my favorite clip from the movie here. But since we are a fairly family friendly website (the Steak and BJ Day post wasn’t that bad, right?), I could not post the beautiful Nia Long in all her splendor. Sorry gentleman…and ladies.

2. Vanilla Sky - Most people will say either one of two things when I tell them how much I love this movie: “WTF” or “That movie made no damn sense.” While the latter of those two statements may be true, I have an honest appreciation for movies that make you think; ones where you learn or pick up on something new every time you watch them. Come talk to me if you ever want me to break this movie down for you and confuse you even more….or perhaps, I will tell you in another life--when we both are cats.

3. Hitch - If ever there were a movie character that I connected with, it was Hitch: a smooth guy, with a good heart who eventually had to learn to take his own advice to get what he wanted from life. Not to mention Kevin James’ character is funny as hell.

4. Mo Betta’ Blues - I was Bleek Gilliam in a past life. Or maybe I will be him during the next Harlem Renaissance. Fk it, I am Bleek Gilliam! LOL. I’ll even accept the burden of having two fine women at the same time!

5. Coming to America – This is, in my opinion, the greatest comedy of all time. I don’t know if Black people have quoted any other movie more often than they have quoted Coming to America. In the words of Reverend Brown, “You know there's a God who sits on high and looks down low! Man cannot make it like this! Larry Flint? Hugh Hefner? They can take the picture, but you can't make it! Only God above, the Hugh Hefner on high, can make it for ya!”

K

Times Running Out Before You Say "I Do"

Situation: One of our favorite blogs, Until I Get Married, had an interesting topic a few weeks ago – The Altar List. I am sure many of you are familiar with a bucket list; an altar list is essentially the same, except it lists all of things you want to do before you take the trip down the aisle. In reality though, something does die when you get married so they could really be interchangeable, lol.


She Says:
Hmmmmmm….I don’t even have a bucket list—at least not a formal one--so I certainly have not been thinking about a damn altar list. I am still not convinced that I am going to get married, or that I want to get married--but that is a post for another day. I will try to keep this list as PG-13 as possible; I don’t want you all to think different of me because “I’m a lady!” *in my best Shenehneh voice* Well, here it goes…

1. Have a true “What happens in Vegas” kind of weekend
2. Have a love affair with a hot Italian man while living in Florence, Italy for six months
3. Get my nose pierced
4. Have a one night stand
5. Have a fab luxury vacay with my girls somewhere amazing
6. Road trip across the country
7. Have a bad relationship (sounds crazy, I know)
8. Turn 30
9. Continue to sleep like a wild woman across my whole bed
10. GET A PRENUP

I realized as I wrote this post that it was kind of difficult for me to decide what I needed to do BEFORE I get married; it’s one of those things where you don’t know what you want to do with your freedom until it is in danger of being taken away. I’m sure I’ll need to re-evaluate if I ever actually get close to wanting to walk down the aisle.

A

He Says:

Due to another obligation, I felt that it would be difficult for me to write on this topic as thoroughly and honestly as I would like.  But because I am so committed to you all, I reached out to some of my most intelligent male friends and fraternity brothers to solicit their honest opinions on this topic.  Approximately 35 men of varying ages gave me their perspectives today about ‘the altar list’.  These are the most recurring responses, and are not a reflection of my personal feelings in any way. LOL.

1. Have a threesome and/or "appear as the only dude in a Brazilian bubble butt movie" - This makes complete sense to any man that has ever seen one of these classic flicks. LOL.  

2. Date and/or smash a woman of another race - At first I was polling all Negroes so I thought they were all just trying to get their reparations.  That’s when I decided to ask a few Asian and Caucasian men about some of the things they wanted to do before marriage. Four out of five of them said they wanted to sleep with a Black woman.  This is not shocking because they are beautiful, but I didn’t expect it to be something that non-Black men ranked at the top of their altar list.

3. Go to Vegas/Amsterdam/Jersey  Shore with the homies one last time -  I don’t believe the destination matters, but a man wants to have one last version of “The Hangover” before getting shackled…err, married.  While legally single, you have the freedom to do whatever you want.  When you purchase that ring, however, the routine suddenly goes from acting nutty as hell on the weekends to taking out the trash and watching Real Housewives of Atlanta ( I feel bad for my Pops, lol).

4. "Here’s a thought: don’t do it.”-  This may have been the most honest thing I heard all day.  The funny thing is that I didn’t even prompt this response: a couple of cats—both young and old--willingly threw this out there up front.  Was I shocked? Hell No!

In the end, Ladies and Gents need to make sure that they have accomplished everything they wanted to accomplish while single before a union is created.  The best quote I heard all day came from a man they call “Brother to the Night”.  He said, “Don’t get me wrong--you are always going to see something walking down the street and think: ‘Damn, I wouldn’t mind exploring that!’ You just have to be truly honest with yourself at the end of the day. Can you see yourself being truly in love with this woman for the next 40 or 50 years? If yes, then I say go for it--but if you haven’t gotten to that point I say do what you got to do and keep on EXPLORING before you enter into that next step. Some people need to stop falling in love with the idea of being married, and actually fall in love with the person they are going to marry.”

Nuff said.

K

Now That You're Uncuffed...

Situation: Cuffing season is slowly on its way out the door. Spring and summer will be here soon enough and everyone will be looking to have some fun. So here a few things to avoid that are major turn-offs to the opposite sex. Be sure to take heed and you too can smang everything in your town--safely of course!

She Says:

1. Lying – Ugh! There is nothing worse than a liar! I find it hard to believe that people still lie in relationships because it is so easy to get caught now-a-days; sadly though, they do. Thanks to my boys Sergey and Larry (the owners of Google--please tell me you knew that) it is super easy to find out basic information about someone. So don’t go telling me you don’t drink that good drank, yet when I look ya ass up on Maryland Judiciary Case Search, I see you have two DUI charges! #FAIL
2. Smoking – Do I need to elaborate on this one?! It’s gross! That’s all I have to say about that.
3. Having Dirty Nails – Sweet Jesus! Where do I start?! A man with consistently dirty nails is the biggest turn-off ever. Unless you work on cars, paint houses, or are a carpenter like Jesus himself, your nails need to be clean. For those who do work on cars, paint houses, or are carpenters like Jesus, then it is only acceptable between the hours of 8am-6pm. Otherwise, this is truly a sign that you don’t keep yourself up.
4. A General Lack of Ambition/Dedication – This should actually be number one on my list, because nothing grinds my gears more than men who lack ambition. This doesn’t even pertain solely to relationships, but to everything in your life. If you are not ambitious enough to want to do more, I implore you to stop complaining; your complacency is boring and unattractive.
5. BAD BREATH – It is one thing to have coffee breath or a little kick after eating your favorite Chipotle burrito, but to have chronic bad breath is a serious issue. There is no way on God’s beautiful green earth that you will attract anyone with breath smelling like old gym socks. I have heard that if you want to test the attractiveness of your breath you can lick the back of your hand and sniff it. Please don’t hold me to that, but every tip helps right?!

A

He Says:
1. Mistrust - Madame, not everything about me is your business. You have no reason to go through my cell phone, rummage through my pockets after work, or try to break into my email to see if I received topless pictures from my side piece (I kid I kid). There is a reason why we both have our own things. I’m not asking you for your iPhone password, so please don’t think you are getting mine. There is nothing worse than a woman that just won’t trust you. I don’t have anything to hide from you; but it’s never cute to go behind my back and try to play ‘The Negress Detective’.
2. Having a Nasty A** Weave - I have a deep-seeded hatred for women who don’t maintain their own hair. I have an even deeper hatred for women who put mops on their heads, and then fail to maintain those. These unkept sew-ins and lace fronts are just getting ridiculous. Now, if you have no problem maintaining the weave that makes you look like you ‘got Indian in your family’, and you can keep it fresh, by all means, do you. But for all the women out there who think they can just pile something on the top of their heads, roll right out of bed, then go and try and find the men of their dreams, a warning: you might find yourself pulling dudes that more closely resemble Tyrone Biggums.
3. Lack of Culinary Prowess - Let me preface this by saying: I’m a country food loving man. My Grandmomma, Momma and my all other female kin can throw down in the kitchen. I don’t need a woman to cook every meal of the day for me, but if you can’t do anything in the kitchen, you might want to go the other direction. I am willing to work with you and your non-cooking a**, but don’t tell me you have no interest in even learning how to cook. That’s a turnoff if you are trying to hold onto a man like me.
4. Lack of Self-Esteem - I think the ultimate turnoff is a woman who can’t believe in herself and her ability to be great. You should not need to hear compliments from me to make you feel like you are worth something. In the words of the famous poet Katt Williams, “Bi**h it's called SELF-ESTEEM! It's esteem of your mothaf’n' self!”
5. Having a Menthol Addiction - I don’t want to leave out of restaurant with you and hear you beating the hell out of a pack of cigs before we can even get all the way out of the door. I don’t want to kiss you, I don’t want to smell your breath and, well-- I just don’t want to be with you. Take your ‘2 pack of Newports a day’ smoking ass the other way.

K

Way to Disappoint: Grammy Edition

Situation:

The culminating post of Music Week at Friends Don’t Let Friends was intended to be a witty, funny, and generally awesome recap of the 53^rdAnnual Grammy Awards. However, this year’s Grammys was the biggest let down of 2011 thus far! Wait--that might not be true: the season premiere of The Game actually gets that award! Anyhow, at the last second this post had to be revamped given the blandness of the awards. Here you guys go, don’t blame us…

She Says:

The Recording Academy really ruined our blog post for you guys. How bad was that last night?!…I really had no idea who half of the winners were (shout out to KG for keeping in the loop, lol)!

Things I Liked:

1.  Rihanna – I love everything about her! Her hair, nails, style, etc…She looked hot! Who cares if she can’t sing!?

2.  Cee-Lo’s Performance – From the Muppets, to his outfit and Gwyneth Paltrow singing…what was not to love? The only thing that could have made it better would have been if he had dropped the f-bomb just once!

3.  Aretha’s Tribute – They did ReRe right. Christina made up for her Superbowl fiasco! The only bad things about the performance were Florence being in it at all and J-Hud’s hair!

4.  Bruno Mars/B.O.B./Janelle Monae – THIS WAS THE BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE NIGHT!!!

5.  Raphael Saadiq – Did you not love him popping out of nowhere and playing the guitar during Mick Jagger’s set?!

Things I Loathed:

1.  The Beyonce Spotting – I did not see her on the red carpet. She didn’t present an award. She was nominated for that crappy song Halo again. But when the camera guys casually showed her in an audience pan, it broke my heart! It means my Beyonce vacation is over – LET THE OVEREXPOSURE BEGIN! *weeps*

2.   Sade – Can someone explain to me how Sade is a duo/group?!

3.   Usher – It is truly sad to watch the demise of Usher’s performance ability. Does he sing anymore while he performs? @cthagood said it best last night on twitter: “If somebody catches Usher’s breath before he does, please return it to him in his dressing room.”

4.   Fantasia Losing Best R&B Album – That was one of my fav albums of the year! I’m sad about this…

5.   Lady Gaga – I personally like the whole egg thing from a Marketing/PR point of view. However, I expected more from her hatching after her long incubation period. There was no slime, no blood…there was nothing! Womp!

He Says:

Really???  The Grammys is the most funded and viewed music awards show in existence, and they produced a show that was more on par with the 2000 Source Awards.  I was so hyped and ready to talk about how great they were, but what they presented was a complete FAIL.  In the spirit of fairness, I will try and find some good points to go along with my crushing points of criticism. 

                                          

Things I liked:

1.   Bruno Mars/B.O.B/Janelle Monae - This performance was the brightest spot of the night.  It’s great to see how much talent Bruno has when he’s not coked up.  Janelle killed it even though she did not walk a tightrope across the stage. 

2.   Muse – What a great change of pace from the country music boredom that was taking hold of the show! 

3.   Rihanna and Kim K - They’re not the most talented, but Dayum!  Rihanna made what could have looked dumb look absolutely wonderful on the red carpet.  And Kim K….well she’s Kim K.

4.   Realizing How Much I Know About Music - During my digital threesome with AB and AshBoogie (who are both musically knowledgeable), I realized that I have listened to a ridiculous amount of music that most people have never even heard of.  I sometimes feel like a weirdo. LOL.   

5.   Esperanza Spalding - If you don’t know, learn to appreciate quickly.  Bring on the Neo-Jazz revolution. 

Things I Loathed:

1.   THE ROOTS WERE ROBBED - How I Got Over was one of the best Hip Hop albums of the past 5 years.  Just because Eminem had 2 radio hits doesn’t mean he needed to win!  Popularity votes kill me.

2.   Somebody Smack Beiber - If I hear “Baby, Baby, Baby” one more time, I’m flying to Canada and putting a muzzle in his mouth.  You can’t sing lil boy!

3.   Bob Dylan’s Voice Gone to Hell - Bob Dylan, you are a musical and lyrical genius.  But if you sound like a 70 year old lifetime smoker, you might not want to get up and sing on a national stage.  I’m just saying.

4.   Florence Welch - The Aretha tribute was great, but I have no clue who listened to the Florence + The Machine album and thought this chick could do the Queen of Soul any justice.  They might as well have put Justin Beiber’s a$$ up there (Yes, I’m still hating on this little boy).

5.   Stupid Grammy Rules - Due to the cutoff date, we have to wait a whole 365 more days to see Yeezy take over the Grammys because My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy didn’t drop until the end of November.  If ‘Ye doesn’t win over 5 Grammys next year, I will be back with another frustration filled recap of the show!

What Your iTunes Says About You?

Situation:
We wanted to make the next Music Week post a little more introspective, so KG and I dove deep into our iTunes libraries to determine what our top five most played songs are. Let’s see what we have here…

She Says:
This was an eye opening experience. I was somewhat curious to see what, out of the thousands of songs in my iTunes library, I really play the most. Here are my top five most played songs (number of plays included):

Golden by Jill Scott – 111 plays
Crown Royal by Jill Scott – 106 plays
I Nominate You by Fantasia – 102 plays
Lay in My Bed by Mario – 101 plays
Incredible God, Incredible Praise by Youthful Praise – 95 plays

This made me laugh aloud in my training class--and if you know me, you know how infectious and loud my laughs are! These five songs shocked me. One could infer from the list that I am a happy, God-loving nymph. I looked further into my ‘Most Played’ playlist to see if the trend continued…and it did. *chuckles* Most of my top played songs are about Jesus, sex, and the search for love and happiness. I am ok with this. I mean, God and Sex both do the same for your life – they make you happy, relieve stress from your life, and bring you closer to something! We all could use a little more Jesus, sex, and happiness in our lives right?! Sometimes your spirit might need to hear a little “Baby I ain’t into satisfying nobody but you, touching on nobody but you…” immediately followed by “I've had some problems, some great and some small. You being God, delivered me from them all…” It really does wonders for your soul!!! :)

A

He Says:
I’m going to take a bit of a different approach on my top 5 than A did with hers. Looking over these I realized that I am one random a$$ mutha. I never really knew what songs I was drawn to except for the first one; and that’s because I listen to it every day. Well, instead of boring you all with my rambling, here is my list:

1. Get By Remix by Talib Kweli and other dope MCs - I listen to this song every single morning after waking up. The old school Kanye production is so raw (in my Chicago accent)! But more than that, it’s such an introspective and honest hip hop song that it really inspires me. I start my day amped because I know that through every battle, vice, and sin---I’m going to make it through.
2. Crown Royal by Jill Scott - This is one of the more simplistic Jilly songs, but it’s so smooth that you can literally put some Crown Royal (Special Reserve of course) on ice and just lay back, chill and become one with the song.
3. Chasing After You by Bishop Paul S. Morton - The words to this song describe my ideal relationship with God: continuing to build a better relationship with Him or Her and doing whatever you have to do to make that happen. Plus the band takes me to Church in this one!
4. Everything In Its Right Place by Radiohead: Though debatably weird, this is a great song that I continually catch myself listening to and just zoning out in thought. It’s probably my favorite Radiohead song by far.
5. Summer Madness by Kool and the Gang: This instrumental track by the Funk masters had no need for words and is a perfect song to appreciate just for the production.

I am not able to find a unique connection or overall theme in my list of songs—especially not one between sex, God, love, and religion like my talented counterpart discovered in hers. But what I can say is that there is some form of peace that comes from all music. Whether mentally, spiritually, or sexually---all music has the ability to transport you.

K

FDLF's Top Ten Love Songs

Situation: In honor of the upcoming Grammy’s telecast, IT’S MUSIC WEEK at “Friends Don’t Let Friends”. The next few posts on the blog will be related to music, with the week culminating in a final recap of the awards show itself. Today’s task: each of our top ten (yes somehow we were able to choose ten) love songs.

She Says:

Yet again, I could have gone on and on while working to complete this assignment. I know some people might be appalled that I have not added Stevie, Whitney or Barry to my list. I wanted to include them, but there was pressure to chop the list and I had to end somewhere. *shrugs*

So here are my ten “can’t eat, can’t breathe, can’t sleep” love songs, with a few honorable mentions.  After reading, feel free to comment with your own!

1.  How Do I Live by LeAnn Rimes - Fav Lyric: “…And I, baby, I don't know what I would do… I'd be lost if I lost you...If you ever leave, Baby, you would take away everything real in my life…”

2. Adore by Prince – Fav Lyric: “…If God one day struck me blind, your beauty I'd still see. Love's too weak to define… Just what you mean to me…”

3. I Know What Love Is All About by Anthony Hamilton - Fav Lyric: “…You showed me what it really felt like to be loved, and kissed, and held, and prayed for, and wanted, and nurtured and guided, and ohh to be understood…”

4. A Song for You by Donny Hathaway – Fav Lyric: “…I love you in a place, where there's no space or time…” *sobbing*

5. Don’t Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith – Fav Lyric: "I could stay awake just to hear you breathing…Watch you smile while you are sleeping…”

6. Heaven Can Wait by Michael Jackson – Fav Lyric: “…I wouldn’t wanna go if I can’t see your face, can’t hold you close…What good would Heaven be, if the angels came for me I’d tell them no…” (Like MJ is soo bad he telling God, Heaven, and the angels, “NO!” #ripMJ)

7. Love Ballad by LTD & Jeffrey O – Fav Lyric: “…What we have is much more than they could see…”

8. So Amazing by Luther Vandross - Fav Lyric: “…It's so amazing to be loved, I'd follow you to the moon in the sky above…” (I want a man to put on his space suit and follow me to outer space. *deep sigh*)

9. My Latest, My Greatest Inspiration by Teddy Pendergrass – Fav Lyric: “…I want you to keep on liftin' me up.. (higher) Alright… (higher) Alright.. See, you got me, you got me doin' things, (higher) I've never done before, (higher)… See, you inspire me, you inspire me…”

10. ‘Cause I Love You by Lenny Williams – Fav Lyric: “…oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh…”(This song right here? This song right here?! It is the pinnacle of love songs! It is a classic in every sense of the word!  I mean Lenny made you feel this sh*t!!)

Honorable Mentions:  Ain't Never Loved A Man by Aretha Franklin; Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion; Please Don’t Go Away From Me by Boyz II Men; Love’s Holiday by Earth, Wind, & Fire; and Love Need Want You by Patti LaBelle

He Says:

Who would have thought I could use more brain power to compile a list of my top 10 love songs, than I used for anything else I have done this week. Nevertheless I love “Love” and I love music even more. I could have written a list of 250 classics but here is my list of 10 cuts that will never leave the rotation.

1. A Song for You by Donny Hathaway - Donny Hathaway is the greatest soul singer of all time! And this is by far one of the best songs ever written and produced. The beauty of the song is that it begins with a simple, captivating melody played on piano.

2. No Ordinary Love by Sade - Smooth! Enough said.

3. Submerge by Maxwell - I heard this song many times while listening to the “Embrya” album, but never realized its power until it was played before “the moment”.

4. Adore by Prince - Prince has produced hit after hit but this song is believed by some to be one of the best songs ever produced. Smoothness, sexiness, honesty, intrigue and passion are all encompassed in this 7 minute track.

5. Sensuality (Pt 1 and 2) by The Isley Brothers – When it comes to slow jams by The Isley Brothers, most people think of “Between the Sheets”. But this track tops that one, in my opinion.

6. Blue in Green by Miles Davis – This happens to be one of the most sultry and passionate jazz pieces of all time. The simple combination of the trumpet and horn instantly invokes feelings of love.

7. If I Ever Fall In Love by Shai- This is a 90s classic that will never die. Simple harmonies along with honest lyrics allowed brothers all over the country to sing this song to their ladies.

8. Distant Lover by Marvin Gaye- Shout out to all the lovers who can’t see their sweethearts whenever they want to. Marvin put it down for all of you.

9. Evergreen by Luther Vandross - No ‘love music’ list could be complete without some “Luffa”. Most people are unfamiliar with this remake of the Barbara Streisand classic; but Luther ends up taking the reins and making it his own.

10. Night and Day by Al B Sure- Light Skinned Brothas in the house! This is my list and I say this is a classic. End of story. LOL

Honorable Mentions: Make It Last Forever by Keith Sweat; Moments in Love by Art of Noise; In A Sentimental Mood by Duke Ellington; I Love You More Than Words Can Say by Otis Redding; Inside My Love by Minnie Ripperton

FDLF’s Top 5 R.Kelly Songs of All Time

Situation: Reader ‘Carrie’ sent an email stating that she and her bf were having an argument about the top five best R. Kelly songs ever. She issued the challenged to KG and I to develop our own top 5 list of R. Kelly songs. Here we go!

She Says:
Let me start by saying “thanks” to Carrie! *insert sarcasm here*

This post was the most difficult to write of all the ones I’ve penned to date. Robert Sylvester Kelly is a musical genius and it was extremely hard to choose just five songs. I wanted to approach this by breaking it down into categories: the top 5 inspirational songs, top 5 scutter songs, and top 5 love songs – but that’s cheating. So instead, I tried to stick to the task. Here is my list (in no particular order):

1. "I Can’t Sleep Baby (If I)" – This song features a classic 90s R&B beat, and is drenched in the desperation of a man who wants his lady back. What’s not to love about it?! Fav line: “Oh sometimes a man can say things that he really don't mean./Well I'm sorry baby!/Bring your lovin' back to me..”
2. "Down Low" – This does not qualify as one of R.Kelly’s best lyrical efforts, but it is indeed a classic. The video featuring Fancy (Garcelle Beauvais) and Mr. Biggs (Ron Isley), with an ending scene of R. Kelly laying in the desert after being beaten is (I’ll say it again) classic. The song itself has a sultry beat and R.Kelly’s slow, breathy delivery showcases his masterful ability with musical narration.  Fav line:”Secret lovers is what you wanna be./While making love to him girl you're silently calling on me..”
3. "Elsewhere" – I love this song because it’s the perfect song to send to an ex. The lyrics and delivery are saturated with regret and pain –the precise emotions you feel after a failed relationship--when you realize it’s too late to salvage it! Fav line: “Things that I started feeling the day that she left/things that I slept on/things that I should have accepted/things I expected and the things I neglected..”
4. "12 Play" – The title track on his debut solo album was essentially a play by play of a sexual escapade. There’s no need to showcase my fav lyric, however I will instruct everyone to make sure it is on their ‘scutter’ playlist on the iPod.
5. "It Seems Like You’re Ready" – This early R. track is yet another scutter playlist essential! I really don’t know what else to tell you. Fav line: “Temperature’s rising/and your body's yearnin' for me./Girl, lay it on me..”

Honorable Mentions: I Wish, Ignition & Ignition the Remix, When a Woman’s Fed Up, Step in the Name of Love, Just Like That, You Remind Me of Something, Happy People, Radio Message, I Believe I Can Fly, Feeling on Yo Booty,  and The Greatest Sex

He Says:

In honor of the “Pied Piper”, I have been challenged to create a list of the top 5 R. Kelly cuts (I’m so old that I call songs cuts LOL) of all time. Mr. Kelly has done wonders for people in the bedroom and in the classroom (don’t act like ya’ll didn’t sing “I Believe I Can Fly” at your elementary or middle school graduation). So, here is my list in order of greatness, along with my favorite lyric from each song. Feel free to agree or disagree!

1. “It Seems Like You’re Ready”- This is classic 90s R. Kelly music! Taken off the 1993 “12 Play” album, Kells laid down the perfect track that lands in the perfect place on the album for you and your lady to enjoy and get things started. “Your body is my playground…Let me lick you up and down.”
2. “Bump and Grind”- I am trying not to be biased in my choices, but two of the greatest sex songs of the last 20 years happened to come from “12 Play”--which speaks to its greatness. Bump and Grind is the type of song that is relatable across generations; even the old heads say they play it for their women. It has the type of staying power that will keep it eternally on people’s ‘best of’ lists. “My mind is telling me no... But my body, my body’s telling me yes! I don’t want to hurt nobody… But there is something that I must confess…”
3. “Down Low (Nobody Has to Know)”- This song details the plot of a cheating man perfectly. This was the birth of the new age R. Kelly where he found a way to revive Ron Isley from the dead as “Mr. Biggs”. It is made both for people who love the forbidden fruit, and for anyone who just loves to hear about it. “Secret lovers is what you wanna be. While making love to him girl, you’re silently calling on me." (You killed ‘em with that one Kells!)
4. “Step In the Name of Love”- Anyone who finds something wrong with this song is just a hater. R. Kelly created a track that allowed you, your momma, your grandma, and your Pastor to get their two step on. I’ve seen many people dance like they thought they were from Chicago while grooving to this song. It’s just an all around feel good track that will probably be played at every Crab Feast for the next couple of decades.
5. “Feelin’ On Yo Booty”- R. Kelly once again puts it down for those looking to get down. There is talent in being able to make ass sound vulgar and angelic in the same song by playing a soothing instrument in the background. On another note, the video for the song allowed all young men to realize what Lil’ Kim had been hiding for so many years! “Now your body's got me feeling like spending. With a backroom I could come to live in.”

Honorable Mentions:
Trapped in the Closet Parts 1 thru 747- This song could have probably been turned into a book with all the twists and turns that were involved in the story.

When A Woman Loves- I know this is a new track, but this may be the one where R. Kelly is showcasing his best vocal talent ever.

They Say:
And P.S:  Watch out for those golden showers! (You knew we were gonna throw that in there at some point, right? *shrug*)

Back Up Negro: She's Just Not That Into You

Situation

A reader reached out to KG asking for helping on how to detect signs that his interest might not be interested in him. So in true Friends Don't Let Friends fashion, we must save our friend from himself. So here we go...

He Says:

1.  She does not initiate physical or eye contact.

Fellas, if a woman does not look you in your eye when she is talking to you, or she looks at you like you have a malignant mole if you come within 6 ft of touching her---she might not be that into you. Most women like to be touched when you make a joke, or even just given a hug. If the most you get from a woman is a handshake with her head turned away---it might be time for you to pursue other options because she is not the one!

2. She never accepts your invitation to go out.

I dealt with a woman once who would talk to me all the time over text, email, and sometimes the phone, but every time I asked her out, she would come up with a reason to decline. Examples I would get hit with were: prior dinner plans, picking up a girlfriend, or even going to Target for a toothbrush. After a while, I finally figured out that she just wasn’t into me. I was always told that a woman should accept at least one dinner because she may never know what pleasant surprises that dinner could hold. Well dammit I never got that dinner, and I sho nuff finally got the hint.

3.  She has never introduced you to her friends.

If interested in you, a woman will always want you to have the approval of her closest friends. If you have never met Pookie, Re-Re and Kim, you might not be that important to her. If she was into you, you would have been invited to at least show your face to her circle. But since you aren’t, understand that the man that is actually important to her is receiving all of this treatment.

4. She has a boyfriend!

Now this may seem obvious to most people, who think that a guy would back off when hearing this. Oh contraire! There are many men who don’t take the hint, or don’t respect this information. Many dudes think that they have the chance with a young lady who has just claimed to be taken. Fellas let me break it down to you---if a woman tells you right off the bat that she has a boyfriend, it is indeed likely that she doesn’t, but is telling you this because she doesn’t want you. Sorry to break it to you but this is not a sign to come harder---it’s a sign to go try your game on the next available woman.

She Says:

5.  She doesn’t laugh at any of your jokes.

You may not be Eddie Murphy, but you damn sure ain’t D.L Hughley (I don’t think he is funny, sue me) and if the girl of your interest never laughs at your jokes, then you have a major problem! Laughing is a form of flirting for most girls. While we are laughing at your jokes, we have the opportunity to lean into you, show some cleavage, and touch you on your arm or thigh. If ya girl is not laughing at your jokes, then she has no desire to flirt with you.  Womp!

6. Your Facebook Friend request to her is still pending.

You have 10 mutual friends in common with your potential boo. Therefore you can see her commenting on your friends’ pictures and statuses, yet you are still not Facebook friends with her. If she has yet to accept your request, it probably means that she doesn’t want to get to know you at all; especially if she is turning down an open invitation to Facebook stalk you. lol

7. She doesn’t allow you to do favors.

Fellas, you call yourself being nice by bringing ya boo her favorite Starbucks latte. This is a sweet gesture right?! Yes it is! However if the gift is quickly returned to you, that’s a bad sign homie! She doesn’t want to owe you anything. Most women love when men do things for them. When a girl is digging a guy, she can take that small sweet gesture and use it as currency to rent a condo in Fairytale land where she’ll spend her time planning the first 6 months of your relationship. If she really likes you, she will be on the phone with a girlfriend like, “Girl he put two pumps of soy milk in my latte. OMG he totally loves me.”

8. You don’t match her description of her perfect man.

If you ask her what her perfect man is and she responds “tall” but you are short; or if she says “bald” and you have locs, you should take this as a subtle hint that she is just not that into you. It’s a blatantly rude way of saying “my perfect man is everything you are not”. It is harsh and superficial yes, but it is also most likely true!!