Baltimore: The Greatest City in America?!?!

Situation:
Recently, our hometown of Baltimore received negative national attention– AGAIN! The latest Baltimore feature was the video of a brawl in a McDonald’s restaurant, where two teenage girls beat a transgender woman until she went into seizures; the video quickly went viral. Though the recent events that have plagued Baltimore are horrific, Baltimore is still a great big little city! 

Ahhh, Bmore!
She Says:
Yet again, Baltimore is in the national spotlight for awful reasons, adding to the growing stigma of Baltimore as an unsafe city. It is extremely disheartening that Baltimore is always portrayed in this fashion and rarely highlighted for anything positive. Baltimore has a lot of charm that very often gets overlooked in favor of showcasing its gritty alter ego.  Baltimore is more than beating s, drugs, and the Inner Harbor. Let me tell you how:
1. Crabs -- Where else can you get steamed crabs, soft shell crabs, and crab cakes both easily and cost effectively? I would be willing to wager that a crab cake from the local carryout is better than those in some 4 or 5 star restaurants in other cities. One of the best ways to spend the summers in Bmore is to grab a few friends, head to the harbor, sip beer and eat freshly steamed blue crabs on the dock!
2. Free Festivals – I know many cities host free festivals. However the charm of Baltimore’s summer festivals is that they are ethnic in focus: African-American, Polish, Greek, Hispanic, Caribbean, and more. Often these events feature major national recording artists as entertainment.  In addition to those that are ethnically themed, you can also attend events like Artscape and the Baltimore Book festival. (I can’t wait for summer!)
3. Great Neighborhoods – Baltimore has many quirky and fun neighborhoods like Canton, Hampden, Mount Vernon, and Fells Point. Venturing out in these neighborhoods is a nice weekend activity due to all the cool eateries and boutiques. However – beware that you don’t go too far out of the boundary of the neighborhood. In Baltimore, you are just 3 blocks away from the hood at all times!  
Another thing you’ll note once you venture into Baltimore’s neighborhoods and communities, and interact with their inhabitants, is the rivalry that perpetually exists between those residing on the East Side vs. those that live on the West Side. There is no competition in my mind, of course—the west side is better. If I am going to hike over to the east side, then I might as well keep going up 95 and head to Philly!
4. Lexington Market – Ohh there is nothing on earth that compares to the World Famous Lexington Market. I don’t even think that I can fully describe the atmosphere, but let me try. You can get one of the best crab cakes on earth at Faidley’s,  then venture outside and watch crack head magic tricks. You will see a crack head, as high as a kite, do a lean better than MJ himself (#ripMJ), all while holding their jumbo half and half—never falling or spilling one drop of their beverage. Oh, and there’s no need to be afraid of this phenomenon; the Lexington Market crack head is a peaceful creature.
Baltimore truly is a great city when the weather is warm :). Now, if only someone could provide stable nightlife for the city! *deep sigh*
A
He Says:
I love my city. There is something beautiful about being able to still be proud of a town that is best known for murders, STDs, and good Heroin. But alas, I will tell you about three of the wonderful things I most enjoy about my city:
1. Baltimore Club Music - Club music is the staple sound of Bmore culture; it is the sound of the people in this city. I remember being a little kid and sneaking my headphones into my room so I could listen to Frank Ski mix during the late night shift on V-103FM. Over the years, our music has spread outside of Baltimore, and up and down the east coast, but it remains native to us. One note of caution: make sure to watch out if you are in the club when it comes on. There’s a possibility you may get elbowed, stabbed or impregnated. (R.I.P Miss Tony and K-Swift.)
2. Norma Jean’s/Eldorado’s - I know some of you folks in upper class urban cities like Atlanta think y’all have the best “skrippers”, but there is nothing in the world like seeing a mother “butter ball” naked on the pole. I would venture to say that Baltimore might have the most amazing looking strippers on the east coast. Not to mention the unique excitement of knowing you’re going into an establishment where you will most certainly see a woman fully tatted, with fresh stretch marks and gold teeth; only in my city can you look this way and still get enough money to support 4 kids!
3. Korean Fried Chicken - I know, I know--some of you folks believe that the best fried chicken is from Popeye’s or KFC. But, being the fried chicken connoisseur that I am, I have to let you know (and this may be shocking) that you have not had the best fried chicken until you have been to a hood establishment in this here great city of Baltimore. My Korean brothers and sisters have truly mastered the delicate art of frying the chicken wang. Head on over to Royal’s in The Village, or down to Super’s at Lexington Market and Mrs. Kim will bless you with the best fried chicken of your life!
Baltimore is, in fact, a wonderful place for family and friends to enjoy each other. From the outside it may not seem that our city has much to offer, but there is so much here to enjoy. Now that you know where to go and what to do, buy your bullet proof vest and condoms, then head out and enjoy my city. And remember, eat the crabs--don’t let the crabs eat you!
K
P.S. This blog post was brought to you by the fine people at Jesus Christ Bail Bonds. Enjoy the video below! :) 

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

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krystal said...

PREACH K!!!! NOTHING LIKE A ROYALS CHICKEN BOX AND HALF AND HALF!!! "A" YOU WERE DEAD ON AS USUAL!!! KEEP IT UP GUYS :D

Ebony Harley said...

Love this post! It definitely made me all nostalgic as I sit at my desk in Charlotte and yearn for a chicken box and half and half for lunch...sigh.

Anonymous said...

I do love Baltimore and it’s about being vigilant and aware of your surroundings. Yes Baltimore has some of the coziest, trendy, upscale and middle of the road restaurants and neighborhoods that are safe, some of which have already been mentioned. It is true that the bad element/riff raff, drifts into these areas on the regular; unfortunately there is nothing that we can do about that. Every major city in our country has big city night life similar to Baltimore’s and hence; has the same safety issues to consider. I have noticed that when crime does occur on many occasions that involve tourist, college students and upper/middle class citizens enjoying themselves for the night, the opportunity presented itself. We all should enjoy Baltimore, but not to the point where we are letting our guard down which I see too often.

I will share this short story that occurred about 8 years ago, but still vividly is embedded in my mind:

1. I went on a majic 95.9 mid night cruise at the Inner Harbor with a lady friend of mind that included good decent folk about 30ish, 40ish and above. When the boat docked about 3 am or so, there were approximately 10 hoodlums hanging around the pier as people were leaving the boat. I made it a point to mention to a few people (who I didn’t know), that we all should walk together since we all parked in the same garage. The little young punks were casing everyone and were probably looking for an opportunity to start some shit as I mentioned above. We did not give them that opportunity. There were no cops around which was unbelievable. We all had a great time and were a little tipsy; but the evening could have turned into a nightmare. That’s why I must reiterate that folks should enjoy Baltimore, but be vigilant. This is not about being a punk, this is about common sense. So go to Canton, Fells Point, the Inner Harbor, Federal Hill and any trendy area boutique or restaurant in these areas and enjoy. Sit outside on one of those pavilions with your lady or man and have a crab cake, beer, mixed drink or several glasses of Yak (Oh that’s my drink), and have a good time.

Steve

Ashley said...

I hate the both of you! I'm at my desk dying...but the post was spot on.

-Ash @chicasangels

A said...

Thanks everybody!!!! BMORE IS WELL... BMORE!!

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