Trying to Crack that Cell Password?!

Situation:

Has the dreaded password protected cell phone issue come up in your relationship yet? Is your partner suspicious of your locked phone? Let’s get into it!

Don't get busted trying to crack the code!

She Says:

Be prepared for a rather short post from me.  As we all know, I am a single girl loving life right now; so I have to write this as a hypothetical:

If my future boyfriend should ask me for my iPhone password, or request that I take my iPhone password off, my answer would be a simple – HELL NO!! Let me correct that: my answer would be F*CK NO!

My iPhone is like my brain – for me, it houses much more than text messages, Facebook, and the glorious Twitter. Forgive me as I defer to the third person to clarify through the following statement: A’s iPhone = A’s life. My iPhone password is just as precious to me as my Social Security number. There is no way that I would I would share it with anyone. And I for damn sure am not removing my password lock in order to ease a man’s insecurities or trust issues, leaving my personal banking and other private information unprotected. No ma’am no girl.

My future boyfriend asking for my iPhone password is the equivalent of my going into his wallet, taking out his debit card and asking for his pin number. That would be quite redonkulous, don’t ya think?!

A

He Says:

The cell phone happens to be the greatest invention of modern times.  It’s a small device that can connect you to every aspect of your life in an instant.  For many of my ninja friends out there, it is the life line to jawns near and far.  But the cell phone can also be the source of destruction in your dealings with females—that is, if you don't properly protect yourself and your investments.  This is why I am an advocate for Homeland Security style defense on the cell phone at all times. 

Most of my female counterparts will say that a man with a lock on his phone has something to hide.  Well, let me tell you point blank---YOU DAMN RIGHT!  I know so many people that have gotten caught up in drama due to misconstrued information from a brief glimpse at a cell phone.

Unfortunately, humans are a nosey bunch.  We want to find out what is going on behind the metaphorical curtain, a.k.a. someone else’s cell phone screen.  In my younger days, I got caught up in many situations where my cell phone was compromised due to this type of curiosity.  I received many questionable emails, the content of which, I had no control over.  But being the trusting person I was, I didn’t think it was necessary to hide these things from any jawns I was dealing with by locking my phone.  At the end of the day though, these jawns were magically drawn to searching through it and trying to decipher everything that was happening in my life.  This is clearly partially my fault, for not deleting certain items upon receipt---but it ended up being a learning learned; I now know to always wrap up my cellular Trojan Magnum style. 

Clearly the technological minds behind mobile phones know this as well, as phones are so advanced now, that you can have some amazing locking devices.  You can lock your entire phone or lock just your app--even get alerts whenever someone tries to break into your phone!  Technology has been a blessing to all you ninjas out there still in the game.  So wrap your stuff up, don't share your password and cover all bases; this is the path to avoiding dumb arguments—make sure all your sh*t is on LOCK.  Men, we are not smart enough to come up with lies like women.  So make sure you are one step ahead of the game! Protect yourself!

Herman Cain approves this post!

K

Cheating?! There's An App for That!!

Situation:

As Cuffin Season approaches, many men and women are starting to receive the subtle signs of sexual interests from jawns around the world. For many of us in a relationship, this is the time when cheating becomes rampant! But what actually constitutes cheating in this new age of texting, Twitter, and Facebook? FDLF is here to dissect.



What are you doing over there?



He Says:

In this new age of folk being overly sensitive, it is definitely time for us to reevaluate what constitutes cheating versus innocent friendliness.  Being in a relationship, I have a good perspective on what I would consider cheating and what should be brushed under the rug.  A lot of times people get all up in arms over simple, harmless communication.  Since I am a man with a ridiculous amount of female friends, sticky situations where technology disrupts the peace definitely occur.   So to that end, let me put the guidelines down on paper for all of you who can’t tell the difference between cheating and not cheating in the age of Twitter and Facebook. 

1. If I get a DM, email, picture, or text from someone, and I didn’t ask for it---that is not cheating!  This should be a pretty simple inclination, but a lot of people fail to realize this.  If a sexy, big breasted woman decides that she randomly wants to show me the size of her areola---that doesn’t mean I am cheating on you.  And just like I can’t control a woman sending the visual of her jugs, I also can’t control  a woman sending me a text telling me she loves me, wants to marry me, or wants to bear my children.  Some women are very vocal and opinionated about what they want.  I would never ask a woman to tell me all those things because that would just be incriminating and well, stupid.  Bottom line: if you didn’t ask for the information, it isn’t cheating. 

2.  Just because I may be calling, g-chatting or texting the same person on a regular basis---it doesn’t mean I’m cheating.  If this was the case, the whole world would think A was my other woman.  Women shouldn’t assume their partner is cheating based solely on volume of communication.  And you all might disagree---but I am just keeping it real from my perspective.  Just because I’m talking to someone throughout most of my work day doesn’t mean I'm smashing them at the Motel 6 when I leave out. Quite simply, it means I want something to do at work other than just work. Besides human communication is good for the soul!  Leave it at that and you shouldn’t have any problems. 

3.  “That was just some head---and head don't count right??”  My man Andre 3000 asked a very important question a few years back.  Does head constitute cheating??  Realistically, most people have no emotions when it comes to getting head from a jawn.  It’s kind of like masturbating---but it just happens that someone else is doing the work for you.  Honestly though---if you aren’t getting the nuts from the one you love, there may be a deeper conversation you need to have; because if you’re moanin’ from another ninja’s head game, then yes you are cheating. 

I want to be clear---a lot of these issues can be solved with simple communication.  It comes down to the principle of being honest with your partner.  Don't go behind your partner’s back and “investigate” things, then get mad if you find something that you have no understanding of; ultimately you put yourself and them in an awkward position.  And don't get all upset just because your boo is chatting it up with another jawn.  Feel free to communicate with people from the opposite sex, because at the end of the day that will only help your sanity.  And as long as he or she isn’t smashing and dashing, then you have no reason not to keep it peaceful.

K

She Says:       

I’m not completely sure what to say on the topic of digital cheating, since I am not in a relationship. I do not have to deal with this issue-- unless I am the other woman which, to my knowledge, I have never been (thank God!). Hopefully I can keep my track record clean in that particular area.

With that said, and given past blog topics, you guys know that I firmly believe that any information about someone that is on the internet is fair game for exploration for dating purposes. My motto is “any information about you found on the internet can and shall be used against you”. This especially applies to information found on social media sites—particularly incriminating information and proof of infidelity.

So often now-a-days you hear people say, “Facebook ruins lives”. But let’s be honest: Facebook didn’t ruin your life, it’s just that got you caught all the way up via Facebook. And Facebook isn’t the only destination for digital cheating, so all the blame can’t be placed on that one site – there is also Twitter, Gchat, text, Skype, and even MySpace. Yes, MySpace! It’s practically dead on that site but a male friend told me that’s why it’s great to hook up with people there; because no one thinks it is still in use. That made me chuckle.

But I digress. In my opinion, digital cheating is no different than cheating in person; it’s all about the person’s intent. In fact, it would seem that digital cheating has become the modern day gateway to “live” cheating; a” test the waters” situation, if you will. “Let me see if so and so really digs me at all and we can see where it goes from there”. I don’t care if you smashed another chick, sent a heaux an unrequested d*ck pic, or spent every night on Skype with your jumpoff after I had gone to bed--cheating is cheating. Just because the affair happened via a technological device doesn’t mean the trust of the relationship wasn’t damaged or that the shit hurt any less.

What are your thoughts? If your partner cheated on you via Facebook would you leave or would you stay? Have you cheated using technology? Talk to me!

A

C'mon Man, Put Ya D*ck Away!

Situation:

Any woman reading this post will be able to relate. It has happened to all women who have the ability to receive picture mail on their phones -- D*ck Pics!!! What makes the matter worse is that they are always unrequested! FDLF feels it is time to lay down the law on D*ck Pic Etiquette!

Yea, pretty much...that's the normal reaction!

She Says:

Fellas, what the f*ck is up with this ish right here?! Let me first explain that women are not visual creatures like men. We cannot just simply look at a picture and get instantly turned on. D*ck pics elicit one of the following reactions from women: laughter, feeling unimpressed, thinking “ugh”, and on a rare occasion -- DAMN!  However, the fact still remains that an unrequested d*ck pic is not sexy and is a slightly gross turn off.   

In addition to the rudeness of an unrequested d*ck pic, the quality of the pictures is usually downright disrespectful as well. If you are going to send one, make sure it’s a quality, flattering shot of your d*ck! There is an art to taking a good d*ck pic. Here are some tips:

1. Do some penis landscaping. Clean up the area down there. Not only does it look neater, it can make your penis look bigger! When a woman receives a d*ck pic with a damn forest in it, the first thing she thinks about is hair getting caught in her teeth or throat! GROSS!

2. Make sure it is hard!  WTF are we gonna do with flaccid penises?! -__-

3. Angles my friend--it is all about angles. Practice taking the picture at various angles, to find one that displays your member in the best possible way.

4. If you are unsure about your size, zoom might be a good friend for you. It would help to decrease your chances of having the person laugh when receiving the pic.

5. Make sure the sh*t is clean! You would think that this is understood, but some men are just nasty! lol

So if that seems like too much work, it probably is! The moral of the story is....stop sending unrequested d*ck pics!!!! JUST STOP!

A

He Says:  

I have realized that a lot of you ninjas out here are shooting pics on a regular basis.  Not only is that shocking as hell, but it’s damn disturbing.  I swear, chicks are talking every day about how some man that they don't want sent them a cruddy ass picture showing off his phallus.  I am not knocking the hustle, and think you should get in where you fit in---but this stuff has gotta cease.  I am not disturbed with the fact that they are being sent---I am disturbed by the fact that you ninjas are sending out these pictures without them having been requested!  As a man, I will at least wait for a request to come in before I send out a picture of my sh*t.  Most likely I will tell these jawns to “go to hell”, but at least I am being asked for it and not just shooting for fun.  Maybe it’s just my opinion, but if that lady actually wanted to smash you---she would be seeing the real thing and not the picture 

I honestly think that some of these cats completely forget that we live in 2011.  These cats must want to end up being Brett Favre’d.  I ain’t trusting no jawn with a picture of myself.  Most of you cats aren’t sending pics to your wife or girlfriend---you sending them to random jawns number 1-17.  Now when jawn number 6 finds out you smashing her line sister---you will end up exposed World Star Hip Hop style on your local Delta list serve.

While the stories I hear about you negroes doing this shat sound like a fail to me, for you gentleman that decide you want to be the Darius Lovehall of sex pics, I want to give you a few tidbits that might help you in your future endeavors. 

1. Please please don't hit these ladies with the picture of you in the bathroom mirror trying to flex on these heaux.  You are incriminating yourself right there. Trust me, she will be sitting at home laughing at your ass—especially at the dumb ass face you decided to make in the mirror.  Sorry sir, she didn’t ask you for anything---so don't make it any worse. 

2. For all you Baltimore, DC, and Philly cats struggling with that little problem we like to call STDs---I would like to advise you to keep the phallus put away.  I don't think no grown woman is turned on by the sight, Brother. 

3. Finally, and bluntly---if you have nothing to show, just don't show it.  If you are proud of your non-existence, then more power to you.  But I would advise you to keep it to yourself.  Maybe then you might at least get a chance to smash once in the dark. 

At the end of the day, if you think that sending a pic of your dick is getting you the yams---then albeit do you!  But I can tell you, on average, your chances of smashing go down if you sending random jawns these random ass pictures---because most of them don't want them! 

K

With Just One Click: Dating in a 2.0 World

Situation: 
We have all been there.  You sign onto the Facebook.com and see one picture that leads to a night of investigative research, culminating in a detailed report to your fellow stalker friends.  If you are a “Facebook stalker”, does this make you crazy? Or is it perfectly acceptable to be a virtual stalker, as long as you’re not a physical one?  We’ll start the conversation by giving our opinions on the matter. 

Facebook was the game changer!

He Says:

I want to shout out A---who has perfected the art of hidden stalking.  She is great at what she does. LOL.

Some ninjas (sorry if I offend anyone---again) have just gone too far with their Facebook stalking.  I honestly feel that some people use this site as their own personal database for performing background checks.  And there are a few things that irk the hell out of me about it. 

1.       When I put up a status on Facebook---please don’t think that is an invitation for you to text me about it.  Facebook created a “comment” button so that you can comment on the site.  My statuses are not reason for you to call me and initiate a conversation based on the information found therein.  Don’t use my status as an ice breaker.  If I wanted to have an offline conversation with you about it---I would have contacted you personally to begin with. 
2.      I have had many a ridiculous conversation with ladies about my statuses, photos, and blocking methods (hey, clearly it is deserved!).  GTFOH!  It’s just a social network.  Don’t verbally attack me because a jawn wrote on my wall and told me I’m sexy and she wants to have multiple children by me---even if it’s true. LOL.  Unfortunately I can’t control these things all the time.  My privacy settings are fairly immaculate, but sometimes things do slip through the cracks.       
3.      DO. NOT. EVER. stalk my wall, photos, etc and then come back to me talking about information that I have never shared with you personally.  I think it’s a little weird if you are only texting me about Britney Spears because you read my “25 things” list (y’all remember that?).  On one occasion, I actually had someone stalk my entire page, and then proceed to stalk the pages of several of my friends!  Then, this fool had the nerve to text me stating that AB had amazing makeup and she wanted AB to do hers.  I was frankly quite scared!  If you are going to stalk---at least be sure that you keep any information gathered to yourself; or else you run the risk of coming off as a complete nut job.  If you need some covert stalking tips---contact A for classes. LOL

K
P.S.  I want to thank God and Mark Zuckerberg for creating the best thing known to man: privacy settings!  Let all the ninjas say, “AMEN!” 

She Says:

Dear Mark Zuckerberg,
I hate you! No, really--I do! My idle time has made you a billionaire and my daily interactions with your little website, Facebook, continue to make you money.  Not only have you revolutionized social networking sites, but you have completely changed the way people communicate. In addition, you have added another element to relationship dynamics, that often times has catastrophic implications. For this, we thank you! *insert sarcasm*
Love,
A

I wonder how often Mark hears those sentiments from his users. Facebook has become a game changer in relationships.  It has given many people the opportunity to know what their boo, crush, or fav smanger is doing at all times. Ladies, have you ever called up one of your friends to have a dish session centered on the latest status or tagged picture that showed up in your news feed? You sit on the phone dissecting every aspect of it. You comb over the person’s page like you are a forensic analyst and his page is a crime scene. You find yourself clicking to see more about the chick who comments on every picture and likes every status. Then the next thing you know you are looking at all of her pictures, sharing them with your friends, and having the “I am cuter than her right?” conversation.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking at all of this information; it’s part of the person’s digital footprint and is fair game for exploration. If companies can use Facebook in the job hiring process, then why can't you use it in the dating process?  If people don’t want certain information shared then they should hide it, delete it, or…I don’t know--do something else with it besides post it on Facebook. LOL. I do, however, have a problem with those who are not discreet Facebook stalkers. You give the covert stalkers a bad name. Don’t ever get sloppy and talk about knowledge you acquire from Facebook research with your boo, crush, or fav smanger. If you do, it will make you look like a crazy fool.

I leave you all with this thought… Friends don’t let friends Facebook stalk recklessly, so go forth and stalk responsibly.

A

Moving the F#@k On!!

She Says:

Ladies when you have had enough of a guy, what is the first thing you do? Well, maybe not the first thing... I mean, you do have to remove his existence from your Facebook Newsfeed first. But I digress; you grab your cell phone, open up your contact list and scroll through until you find his name. There it is. You stare at his name one last time and you hit delete. There, it’s done – the hardest thing you’ve had to do in your relationship. The ceremonial removal of the cell phone contact is pretty significant in the downfall of the relationship. It means that the guy’s presence is no longer welcomed in one’s life. The sheer presence of his contact info in your cell phone is just too much to bear; every trace of his presence has to be gone. The extraction of contact info from your phone assists in abating the urges to text, call, or send spicy pictures. Though contact deletion is a simple act, it is a necessary one. Once your mind has comprehended this action, it can then start drafting and circulating the memo to your heart--but more importantly, to your va-jay-jay. The memo simply states: “This fool is no longer good enough to be in your phone, so why in the hell is he still good enough to take up space in your heart and va-jay-jay? Let’s all move on. Love, Me.”     

He Says:

Ladies…REALLY??  You deal with a guy for months—sometimes years--having conversations, cooking him dinner, and smushing him on a regular basis (Sorry I‘m in the process of watching Jersey Shore while typing).   One day you wake up and have the revelation: “This guy is not worth my time”.  You have willingly offered--and sometimes actually given--every part of your emotional, spiritual, and physical being.   All your girls have told you to move on, but you pushed off the inevitable split for as long as possible.  Then something finally clicks in your head, making you realize that your time and effort is not cherished by him.  So you decide to move on.  And what is the most creative way you can think of to move on?  YOU DELETE HIS NUMBER!  Do you really think this is the start of your emotional attachment to this man being broken?  Well let me break it to you: IT DOES NOTHING!  Because if that man was to send a text or call you, you might ignore him for a day--or maybe a few days--but eventually the emotional insanity will kick in and you will respond.

For future reference, please don’t use this dumb tactic anymore.  If you want to leave a guy alone, communicate this with him.  And not in your Sammi Sweetheart voice either.  Be blunt and honest.  Tell this man he is not fulfilling your needs on every level.  Sometimes being rude not only enforces the point to him; it re-enforces the idea in your head as well.  Don’t waste your time by deleting his number, and then ending up sexting him 3 days later.  If it is time to move on don’t tease yourself; bring it to fruition.