C'mon Man, Put Ya D*ck Away!


Situation:
Any woman reading this post will be able to relate. It has happened to all women who have the ability to receive picture mail on their phones -- D*ck Pics!!! What makes the matter worse is that they are always unrequested! FDLF feels it is time to lay down the law on D*ck Pic Etiquette!

Yea, pretty much...that's the normal reaction!
She Says:
Fellas, what the f*ck is up with this ish right here?! Let me first explain that women are not visual creatures like men. We cannot just simply look at a picture and get instantly turned on. D*ck pics elicit one of the following reactions from women: laughter, feeling unimpressed, thinking “ugh”, and on a rare occasion -- DAMN!  However, the fact still remains that an unrequested d*ck pic is not sexy and is a slightly gross turn off.   
In addition to the rudeness of an unrequested d*ck pic, the quality of the pictures is usually downright disrespectful as well. If you are going to send one, make sure it’s a quality, flattering shot of your d*ck! There is an art to taking a good d*ck pic. Here are some tips:
1. Do some penis landscaping. Clean up the area down there. Not only does it look neater, it can make your penis look bigger! When a woman receives a d*ck pic with a damn forest in it, the first thing she thinks about is hair getting caught in her teeth or throat! GROSS!
2. Make sure it is hard!  WTF are we gonna do with flaccid penises?! -__-
3. Angles my friend--it is all about angles. Practice taking the picture at various angles, to find one that displays your member in the best possible way.
4. If you are unsure about your size, zoom might be a good friend for you. It would help to decrease your chances of having the person laugh when receiving the pic.
5. Make sure the sh*t is clean! You would think that this is understood, but some men are just nasty! lol
So if that seems like too much work, it probably is! The moral of the story is....stop sending unrequested d*ck pics!!!! JUST STOP!
A

He Says:  
I have realized that a lot of you ninjas out here are shooting pics on a regular basis.  Not only is that shocking as hell, but it’s damn disturbing.  I swear, chicks are talking every day about how some man that they don't want sent them a cruddy ass picture showing off his phallus.  I am not knocking the hustle, and think you should get in where you fit in---but this stuff has gotta cease.  I am not disturbed with the fact that they are being sent---I am disturbed by the fact that you ninjas are sending out these pictures without them having been requested!  As a man, I will at least wait for a request to come in before I send out a picture of my sh*t.  Most likely I will tell these jawns to “go to hell”, but at least I am being asked for it and not just shooting for fun.  Maybe it’s just my opinion, but if that lady actually wanted to smash you---she would be seeing the real thing and not the picture 
I honestly think that some of these cats completely forget that we live in 2011.  These cats must want to end up being Brett Favre’d.  I ain’t trusting no jawn with a picture of myself.  Most of you cats aren’t sending pics to your wife or girlfriend---you sending them to random jawns number 1-17.  Now when jawn number 6 finds out you smashing her line sister---you will end up exposed World Star Hip Hop style on your local Delta list serve.
While the stories I hear about you negroes doing this shat sound like a fail to me, for you gentleman that decide you want to be the Darius Lovehall of sex pics, I want to give you a few tidbits that might help you in your future endeavors. 
1. Please please don't hit these ladies with the picture of you in the bathroom mirror trying to flex on these heaux.  You are incriminating yourself right there. Trust me, she will be sitting at home laughing at your ass—especially at the dumb ass face you decided to make in the mirror.  Sorry sir, she didn’t ask you for anything---so don't make it any worse. 
2. For all you Baltimore, DC, and Philly cats struggling with that little problem we like to call STDs---I would like to advise you to keep the phallus put away.  I don't think no grown woman is turned on by the sight, Brother. 
3. Finally, and bluntly---if you have nothing to show, just don't show it.  If you are proud of your non-existence, then more power to you.  But I would advise you to keep it to yourself.  Maybe then you might at least get a chance to smash once in the dark. 
At the end of the day, if you think that sending a pic of your dick is getting you the yams---then albeit do you!  But I can tell you, on average, your chances of smashing go down if you sending random jawns these random ass pictures---because most of them don't want them! 
K

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

A, you have no sense! lmao

Anonymous said...

I resent this.... I am most certainly a visual creature LOL.....although UNREQUESTED pics are sad & gross... I am a fan of receiving pics... and I most def have a file on a certain few, I think of it as the guys physical prospectus... so when that day comes and I need to remind myself why I haven't deleted your number and/or un-friended you or if i just need a good laugh - i open up my files...

Also - another tip when taking pics (this goes out to my big boned brothers, because I am a bit of a chubby chaser lol) We all know you wanna stay fresh, but if you're gonna take pics, please wipe up that extra powder you throw down there... No one wants to see a d*ck looking like Tryone Biggums lips...

Anonymous said...

PREACH on that Penis-scaping!!!!!!!! God damn Chia pet dicks!

Tee Tee

Anonymous said...

I just passed out in my chair from laughing so hard. Great posts.

Anonymous said...

I oppose dick pics! A is right! Women don't get aroused as easily! Unless you plan on coming over after you send it, don't bother! Holla at me when you're free!

Anonymous said...

FUNNY SHIT RIGHT HERE!

Anonymous said...

A -- Stop playing you know you like that picture I sent to you last night! Hair and all!

Andre

A said...

Y'all are hilarious!!!!

Andre -- what I text back to you?! You ain't get it?! Trim that ish up!!!!

Anonymous said...

Guys like flick pics girls dont!! point blank period!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Krystle

AJ said...

*deletes pics out of phone*

I am so glad y'all told me this was unaccpetable behavior! lmao THANKS A & K!

Anonymous said...

My phone feels violated when it receives unapproved d*ck pix! Pictures of braised pork ribs may make me salivate, I assure you, your d*ck pic will not.

BUT if one feels so compelled to send one, only send ONE. Nobody needs multiple shots w/ varying angles/lighting/expressions etc. of your wood. And don't ask me what I thought about it either...it's a d*ck pic, not a f*ckin Warhol.

-DRJ (the 2nd, lol)

Anonymous said...

@drj LMAO!!! yea at least its a better flavor when you suck on some ribs than it was A said the other day penis meat! lollol

Kenya

Anonymous said...

I've only receive one pic, it was from my neighbor. Not a dude I was interested in, just some guy who was overly persistant and knew were I lived so I just gave him the number to keep him from showing up on my porch. I put it together that maybe he was a "pharmaceutical rep" cause he would always be home at random times of the day and always wanted to go to Maggiano's. Anyway one day as I was pulling up he was on his good stalker ish and I get a text BUZZ...BUZZ

1. LOUD SCREAM!
2. LMAO!
3. Forwarding to friends...
4. LOAO (Laughin OUR Asses Off, if you didn't catch that)

SC

Ashley Dominique said...

I got a couple pics sent to me AGAIN Saturday! I think I must be a magnet for those things, smh.

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