How Soon is Too Soon? Part 2

She Says:
K is on "vacay" aka he's been slacking on the writing game lol! He'll be back don't you guys worry. However, today we have a guest blogger, our good friend WD!!

LOL!
He Says:
Let me start by saying that I am in no way the caliber of writer as A or K, however; what I lack in artistic expression I make up for in sheer honesty and sincerity.
Now, to the topic at hand: too many people believe there is some mathematical equation that determines when a woman should make the decision to sleep with a man, i.e. y=mx+b (where x = time you’ve know him, m= how he treats you and b = how you met or some variation of this formula). I believe this ideology to be false on the premise that every situation is different and no one matrix or equation can predict when it is the perfect time for a man and woman to have sex. This is a very complex question, without a simple right or wrong answer; in fact there are several billion people in the world and I am willing to bet every one of them could come up with a unique reason and name an appropriate time frame for sleeping with someone. Rather than offer a one-sided narrative of this situation I would like to present like Jamie and Adam of Mythbusters and secretly expose you to some of my “cold hard facts” about the “sexframe” (time frame it takes to have sex):
1.      From the day a man meets you and gets your information he is testing you to see how quickly you will sleep with him. Yes there are exceptions to every rule, but in the same manner that women test men, men do the same; this is just another one of the games we so frequently like to play.
2.      One night stands are (for the most part) a myth, since someone is going to call the other --no longer allowing it to be a one night stand in its purest form, meaning  just one night. Too many people place sex on the first night on their despised list but the truth of the matter is, it happens (so some of you ladies are lying when you say “Nuh uh I’d never do that”). One night stands shouldn’t be considered the red-headed step child of the dating game, yet I would strongly urge against them if you don’t have the strength to deal with the emotional ramifications—both good and bad--that could result.
3.      To the point of #2, having sex quickly doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll get the cold shoulder quickly. Sex on the first night can definitely lead to longer, somewhat fulfilling relationships, just not to marriage! If you have sex on the first night, no matter how fun it was, you probably aren’t the one for that particular guy. You are probably a great woman but there is one very simple reason you will never be his wife: most men are cocky and self-centered by nature; we all believe our game is tight, but we know it’s not that damn tight. If we got you into bed on the first night, chances are someone else has too--or someone else will in the future. This may or may not actually be the case, but either way, that’s what we are thinking. We can’t have that in the backs of our minds while we are walking down the aisle.
4.      If you are genuinely looking for a partner, the best time to have sex is not defined by any book, magazine or nosey friend; but instead by the time frame in which you truly believe the man has done enough to show you he genuinely cares about you. Please don’t put a time frame on this; for some it takes 2 weeks, for some it takes 2 months and for others it works after 75 text messages--every case is unique. Also please don’t feel bad if you get it wrong (most people do these days), but instead remember you can’t hit a homerun if you never swing. Additionally, many women make the critical error of comparing “lockout times” (amount of time they hold out from sex)! This is a mistake, because as I stated before all situations are different; just because T did it in 5 dates, 14 phone calls and 64 text messages doesn’t mean you have to or even that you should. (Sorry for the lame sports analogies but sports are my life.)
To wrap up, I’d like to thank A and K very much for allowing me to speak on their forum. To some this may be new information; to others this may all be a crock of S#%t. Either way, it’s just my honest opinion, which is what I promised!
WD

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing WD! I like that A & K offered for you to come post. Maybe you can come back!

Carrie

Ashley Dominique said...

All I have to say is: "Sex on the first night can definitely lead to longer, somewhat fulfilling relationships, just not to marriage!" --WD #POW

Anonymous said...

Well said. Every situation is different and every couple has to feel each other out before making that next step.

Anonymous said...

I agree with WD. If you're looking for a relationship, as long as you don't do it on the first date, you're good. But I think the men should address the issue of "the chase." What happens when they get what they want? Do they lose interest or does it depend on if they actually liked you in the first place?

Anonymous said...

So WD is essentially saying "Ladies if you want to marry him keep ya vag closed longer than the first date at a mininimum!"

Hmmmm...

Tee Tee

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous: Yes it does depend on if a guy actually likes you; it also depends on maturity, age and character. Sure men enjoy the chase and the conquest of sexing you up quickly, but don’t believe for a minute that every guy is just about the chase only. Some guys actually may respect you more and really fall for you if you give it to him on the first date. If I guy gets it on the first date and is really “feeling” you, he will be back with stronger feelings. Women need to stop honing in on so many of societies myths about this topic. Stop listening to your manless girlfriends and reading Steve Harvey’s books which are doing nothing but confusing women.

Steve

Anonymous said...

Communication is key!!!!!!!!!!!!

ONEFABMAMA said...

*Waiting to be invited to be a guest blogger on FDLF*

I appreciate WD's honesty. The problem is,however,that every woman is not looking for a substantive, committed relationship. Some women just like to have sex. We've gotta stop analyzing using these antiquated gender roles. Maybe I'll start my own blog on just that...

Anonymous said...

@OneFabMama -- While they maybe antiquated, they are certainly still relevant!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carrie

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