That Awkward Moment When...

Situation: Ladies in the thick of the dating scene have all faced this problem – you have to take a sh*t and your boyfriend, boo, fav smanger, or whoever-- is near. Oh Lawd, what to do, what to do?

Ladies, Are you this comfortable?
She Says:
Ohh ladies, we have all been there – that cute moment when you two are snuggled up on the couch watching TV and all-of-a-sudden your stomach is on full blown BGs. Or you’re spending the night with your boyfriend, boo, fav smanger, or whoever for the first time and you need to take a sh*t. What do you do?
I have known women who have been holed up at a man’s place, eating and smanging for days on end, who have kept their poop lodged inside for that entire time; not letting it out until they had the home court advantage. Some have even said that they will not take a sh*t at their boyfriend’s house for the first six months!
In situations of dire need, women do have various techniques in which to drop the chocolate kids off at the pool without having their man be the wiser. Things like taking a sh*t then a shower, pulling a sit-and-flush, or padding the bowl with toilet paper so the plops aren't loud—are some of the ways in which they accomplish this.
You may be laughing, but this is apparently a very important issue for women – based on the fact that it is quite often a topic of conversation. Women are human beings and have to pass fecal matter in the same way as men. However taking a sh*t around a guy is often viewed as taboo, and when it happens for the first time it is often seen as a relationship milestone--well at least for women. I wonder if men even notice or care.  Men, do you have popping etiquette? Do men hold on to their fecal matter for days for fear of ridicule? Do men notice that women don’t take sh*ts around them?
Friends Don’t Let Friends get backed up…CONSTIPATION IS NEVER SEXY!!! Ladies, take control of your lives and sh*t freely – just remember to hop in the shower immediately after; I hear the steam helps the smell! LOL
A

He Says
Well, well, well…You tried to be cute and eat some ice cream after dinner with your boo (knowing you get the bubble guts when you eat dairy) and now your ass is on straight rumble.  Or you failed to toss back enough shots before your first smash time and now you need to take that famous nervous dump.  What the hell do you do?

Let me explain to you: no guy--and by guy I mean a real dude--should give a damn if you need to relieve yourself anally.  You better let that sh*t out.  I know most ladies hate to even go to the bathroom to pee around their dude.  Are y’all crazy?  If you got to go---you got to go.   I don't want you switching from side to side on the couch because you need to go sh*t.  That just makes you look like a retard to me. 

I appreciate a woman that will feel comfortable to relieve herself around me.   Don't mistakenly assume that if you don't go to the bathroom it’s going to make me want to be with you even more.  Shoot, I appreciate a random fart here and there from a woman.  It lightens the mood and allows me to joke on you.  You have never had a funnier conversation than the one that occurs when your man goes into the bathroom behind you, and realizes you can rock that joint even better than he can.  That is a proud moment.  It’s like seeing his son stand up and pee for the first time.  That joy is unspeakable.        

Now FDLF family y’all might think I am crazy, but do you know what backed up bowels can do to your life?  I did a little research for you fools.  Two (2) of the signs that you need to get your ass flushed happen to be bad breath and foul body odor.  Now go home and ask your man if he would prefer you to smell like bad tuna and Secret deodorant---or that you  just go in the bathroom and doo what it doo.  Ladies please---BE FREE AND SH*T IT OUT.
K

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG TEARS!!!!! LMAO!

Araminta Rose said...

I poops when and where I pleases

@Brianbeengone said...

Just shit it out but take a shower or make sure u stop me if I'm trying to toss that salad!

Lawrence W said...

See only chicks wit fake niggas have this problem! A real nigga already knows how to handle this. If it's ur new boo's first extended sleep over or something, you have to give her the "Babe, Imma run to the store" time. This store run could be for milk, juice condoms...anything. Thus allowing her "Relief time" young niggas can't notice a Bubble-Gut chick. Real niggas can! Fellas do ur new Thang a favor...make that "Store Run" ... Ladies take advantage!

Anonymous said...

I shit when and wherever I have to go! Who the hell holds their shit for extended periods of time?! That shit cray!

Marlon said...

Favorite line of the blog post "In situations of dire need, women do have various techniques in which to drop the chocolate kids off at the pool without havin...g their man be the wiser. " LMAO. All the chicks I've dated know that I'd rather have a stanky booty than a stanky mouth anyday...Your mouth should smell like the Sesquahanah when I'm tryna kiss you...#IJS it's a natural function of the body -LET DAT SH@@ OUT (pun intended) lol

Anonymous said...

OMG A, not the chocolate kids!!!!!!! Y'all fools for this one!!

Tee Tee

Anonymous said...

You two will write about anything!!!! Lol

Carrie

A said...

@Arminata -- be free sister!!

@Brian -- you toss salads?!?!

@LW that is a PSA!!!!!!!!

@Marlong -- Thanks! Takes a bow!

Anonymous said...

This is definitely a female thing.  If I have to go; I'm going, just ask Jill Avery.  Why in GODS green earth would you hold that stuff for hours or days?  Are you kidding me?  No way.  I cannot possibly have a good time if I am squirming, farting and sitting on an angle because I have to go.  LADIES, PLEASE GO.  IT'S NATURAL AND NECESSARY. 

Steve

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