Situation: Unless you were living under a rock yesterday, you heard the Ray-J interview with the Breakfast Club on 105.1 in NYC. We must say that it was highly entertaining. Of course we couldn’t let this slip by…
He Says:
I was definitely a doubter… and I never thought I would say this ever in my life…but---William Raymond Norwood Jr. is a real ninja. Not one of them fake ninjas, but a true thug. I think he said it best with, “Ninjas saying Ray J got beat up?? I socked that ninja in the face!”
For those who may not know what I am speaking of, let me fill you in. Fabolous and Ray-J got into a slight altercation this weekend over some twitter jokes. For those of you who might not know just how thorough William is, let me help you understand through the lens of the greatest interview in radio history—which went down yesterday morning, and during which Ray-J was completely spazzing on Fabolous. He actually told another grown man never to touch down on the west coast. That means Fabolous can’t even go visit Rancho Cucamonga without the goons coming out on him. Now go ahead and tell me that’s not thug life right there!
William further proceeded to tell Fabolous that he would find the goons that like dudes to rape him. Now I don’t know about the rest of the FDLF family, but all thugs I know definitely have goons at the ready to butt rape their enemies. That’s how they get down in the streets.
A lot of you might still be questioning my man William’s gangsta. So let me remind you of a few last things: he “got a indoor pool and a outdoor pool.” He “don’t drive no mutha f’n 97 GT!” And if you want to question him one more time---go to his crib and he “will show you all his cars’ pink slips.” Or just ask Kim K.
Dadadada Dayum!
K
She Says:
To say that I thoroughly enjoyed Ray-J’s rant yesterday morning would be an understatement. Ray-J started my previously boring ass Monday morning off with a bang. After listening, my first inclination was to wonder how long it was going to take for momma Sonia to whoop that ass! Lol!
Within minutes of his rant, Ray-J was trending on twitter and had several hash tags attached to his rant like, #PeopleTougherThanRayJ or #ThingsTougherThanRayJ. Black twitter had gone into frenzy! While laughing hysterically at the rant and my timeline alike, I began to think about what the take-a-ways from this whole situation might be. So here are my top 5 lessons to learn from Ray’s epic rant:
1. You Can Get Rich From Reality TV – Ray-J apparently owns 6 Bentleys, 7 Rolls-Royces, 10 Phantoms, 3 Maybachs, 20,000 square foot houses, glass chandeliers, 2 white ponies, a unicorn, and Bubbles (#ripMJ). I mean I was truly impressed that Ray-J had pink slips to all his cars! Way to make worthwhile investments (* rolls eyes *).
2. You Have to Apologize for Being a Broke Ass Bitch – You are broke if you do not have an outdoor and indoor version of every amenity in your home. I am installing an outdoor kitchen tomorrow. Y’all won’t be talking about me, huh!
3. Sending Goons to Rape Others is Acceptable – I did not know it was hot in the streets for men to send other grown men “to bend them over and have them stick it that n*gga’s booty.” OHHH MYY! O_O
4. To Appear Hard, Just Over Enunciate – It appeared to help Ray-J get his point across!!! I have a new respect for the word ‘apologize’.
5. Nick Cannon is Still Corny – While we’re on the subject of wack dudes, I need to say that I really just hate him! Marrying Mariah didn’t help the cause at all. ::shrugs::
The end. Y’all better comment or I will have my goons on y’all bumpers. LOL!
A
...And Just Like That, Your Stock Plummets!!!
Situation:
We have all had it…that awkward moment when you see your ex, former boo, or fav smanger’s new chick! Does the tragedy of the new chick affect your dating stock at all? Let’s try and figure it out…
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| Financial Market or the Dating Scene?!?! |
She Says:
On August 6, 2011, Standard & Poor’s downgraded the US credit rating from AAA to AA+. Some say it had something to do with the debt ceiling issue but really, I think it is something more. America went from having the dumb white guy in charge to having the black guy in charge – and we all know what a black guy does to your credit rating! I kid, I kid…but not really. It got me thinking about stock ratings in the dating scene, and what factors can cause your dating stock to take a hit. Let me explain.
Recently, I encountered a situation where someone I was messing with was seen with a new young woman who was just unfortunate looking; like some sort of hoodrat beast, actually. The news arrived from a friend via telephone and as we spoke, I could hear the judgment laced throughout her voice. So, I grabbed my trusty Facebook investigation kit and got to work. I found the picture and all the blood rushed from my face, then I laughed nervously. This really was the final straw – NO MORE ASSOCIATION WITH THIS PERSON!!!
It was at that very moment that I knew that my dating stock had taken a hit. My stock is so low right now, that I might have to take Andre (loyal FDLF reader/commenter) up on his dating offers! LOL! YES, shit just got real! Since ‘ol dude has downgraded the quality of the selection of his female associates, and chosen to be seen out in public with this new physically handicapped heaux – my own stock has taken a direct hit. “How so”, you ask? Because I was the last known associate of said dude and am now in the same category as this tragic heaux. It is quite the unfair turn of events!
Does this new chick affect how I feel about myself? HELL NO! She simply affects the public perception of me since we are both members of ‘ol dude’s smashing club. We all know that I am better than her though, right? LOL!
Anyhoo—Andre, help me rebound my stock, won’t you?
A
He Says
Most of you Negroes will try and act like it doesn’t affect you when someone from your past starts dating another person. Even more of y’all will claim that it doesn’t affect you when your old boo dates a busted, broke down jawn. I am here to tell each person that makes these claims---you are all liars!
I will explain: any time an ex begins to date someone, and you are still on the market, it starts to make you wonder why the hell you are still single. You feel even worse when a former jawn gets wife’d or engaged to a busted, rundown bum that is 10 times worse than you.
I knew a young man once who was damn in love with a young woman for a few years. The guy definitely made the mistake of failing to make it official, but he still gave the woman everything she needed. To make a long story short, this woman ended up leaving him, and within 6 months was engaged to her ex. The same ex that had cheated on her multiple times and broken her heart. My boy was really trying to save this heaux! He had spent years resuscitating her emotions for that jawn to leave him for the person that had taken everything away from her.
At this point the young man felt as if his stock had dropped—as would any other man who found himself in a similar situation. They might end up covering it up by smutting around town, but the root of the problem comes from them feeling less worthy than they did prior to this experience. Most people think this is a female trait, but ninjas also feel as if their stock drops when an ex messing is with someone they deem unworthy; because in every man’s eye, he is the greatest thing to ever happen to any woman he has dealt with.
My advice to all my ninjas out there is to be sure to remember that there are too many women out here for you to get stuck in feeling as if your stock has dropped. Go on Facebook, laugh at the pictures of the new bum ninja, then go out to happy hour and find you a single lawyer or teacher. Trust me there are enough women out there ready and willing to help bring your stock back up.
K
Cheating?! There's An App for That!!
Situation:
As Cuffin Season approaches, many men and women are starting to receive the subtle signs of sexual interests from jawns around the world. For many of us in a relationship, this is the time when cheating becomes rampant! But what actually constitutes cheating in this new age of texting, Twitter, and Facebook? FDLF is here to dissect.
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| What are you doing over there? |
He Says:
In this new age of folk being overly sensitive, it is definitely time for us to reevaluate what constitutes cheating versus innocent friendliness. Being in a relationship, I have a good perspective on what I would consider cheating and what should be brushed under the rug. A lot of times people get all up in arms over simple, harmless communication. Since I am a man with a ridiculous amount of female friends, sticky situations where technology disrupts the peace definitely occur. So to that end, let me put the guidelines down on paper for all of you who can’t tell the difference between cheating and not cheating in the age of Twitter and Facebook.
1. If I get a DM, email, picture, or text from someone, and I didn’t ask for it---that is not cheating! This should be a pretty simple inclination, but a lot of people fail to realize this. If a sexy, big breasted woman decides that she randomly wants to show me the size of her areola---that doesn’t mean I am cheating on you. And just like I can’t control a woman sending the visual of her jugs, I also can’t control a woman sending me a text telling me she loves me, wants to marry me, or wants to bear my children. Some women are very vocal and opinionated about what they want. I would never ask a woman to tell me all those things because that would just be incriminating and well, stupid. Bottom line: if you didn’t ask for the information, it isn’t cheating.
2. Just because I may be calling, g-chatting or texting the same person on a regular basis---it doesn’t mean I’m cheating. If this was the case, the whole world would think A was my other woman. Women shouldn’t assume their partner is cheating based solely on volume of communication. And you all might disagree---but I am just keeping it real from my perspective. Just because I’m talking to someone throughout most of my work day doesn’t mean I'm smashing them at the Motel 6 when I leave out. Quite simply, it means I want something to do at work other than just work. Besides human communication is good for the soul! Leave it at that and you shouldn’t have any problems.
3. “That was just some head---and head don't count right??” My man Andre 3000 asked a very important question a few years back. Does head constitute cheating?? Realistically, most people have no emotions when it comes to getting head from a jawn. It’s kind of like masturbating---but it just happens that someone else is doing the work for you. Honestly though---if you aren’t getting the nuts from the one you love, there may be a deeper conversation you need to have; because if you’re moanin’ from another ninja’s head game, then yes you are cheating.
I want to be clear---a lot of these issues can be solved with simple communication. It comes down to the principle of being honest with your partner. Don't go behind your partner’s back and “investigate” things, then get mad if you find something that you have no understanding of; ultimately you put yourself and them in an awkward position. And don't get all upset just because your boo is chatting it up with another jawn. Feel free to communicate with people from the opposite sex, because at the end of the day that will only help your sanity. And as long as he or she isn’t smashing and dashing, then you have no reason not to keep it peaceful.
K
She Says:
I’m not completely sure what to say on the topic of digital cheating, since I am not in a relationship. I do not have to deal with this issue-- unless I am the other woman which, to my knowledge, I have never been (thank God!). Hopefully I can keep my track record clean in that particular area.
With that said, and given past blog topics, you guys know that I firmly believe that any information about someone that is on the internet is fair game for exploration for dating purposes. My motto is “any information about you found on the internet can and shall be used against you”. This especially applies to information found on social media sites—particularly incriminating information and proof of infidelity.
So often now-a-days you hear people say, “Facebook ruins lives”. But let’s be honest: Facebook didn’t ruin your life, it’s just that got you caught all the way up via Facebook. And Facebook isn’t the only destination for digital cheating, so all the blame can’t be placed on that one site – there is also Twitter, Gchat, text, Skype, and even MySpace. Yes, MySpace! It’s practically dead on that site but a male friend told me that’s why it’s great to hook up with people there; because no one thinks it is still in use. That made me chuckle.
But I digress. In my opinion, digital cheating is no different than cheating in person; it’s all about the person’s intent. In fact, it would seem that digital cheating has become the modern day gateway to “live” cheating; a” test the waters” situation, if you will. “Let me see if so and so really digs me at all and we can see where it goes from there”. I don’t care if you smashed another chick, sent a heaux an unrequested d*ck pic, or spent every night on Skype with your jumpoff after I had gone to bed--cheating is cheating. Just because the affair happened via a technological device doesn’t mean the trust of the relationship wasn’t damaged or that the shit hurt any less.
What are your thoughts? If your partner cheated on you via Facebook would you leave or would you stay? Have you cheated using technology? Talk to me!
A
Is He Ready for a Relationship?!
Situation:
When a woman has decided she wants to be in a relationship, she begins to target it with laser point focus. Yet, often times while she is dating, she’ll fail to pay attention to certain signs from her suitors that clearly caution that perhaps this person is not in the same place she’s in. Let’s examine some of these signs:
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| Stop wasting countless nights wondering if he is ready! Let FDLF help! |
Let’s face it: not everyone dates with the intention of getting into a committed relationship. And that’s okay—as long as both people are on the same page. Issues occur when one person (usually the woman) wants a monogamous relationship, while the other party (usually the male) wants to continue to see several people. There are some key ways to tell that a man is not ready for a relationship. He is not ready to commit—at least not to you--if:
1. He lies – Should you over hear the guy you’re dating lie to anyone—whether it’s his boss, his grandmother, his homeboy or his little sister: run! It doesn’t matter how small or how big the lie. If he tells lies in any aspect of his life—especially important areas like his job; he will lie to you too (if he hasn’t already). One of the keys to a successful partnership is honesty so you want to be sure you’re with someone who can be open.
2. He asks “What is your fantasy?” – Yes, many couples do eventually have this conversation, and it’s perfectly healthy—after their commitment is solid, and they have already experimented and are now looking for additional ways to add spice to the relationship. If a man starts to inquire about your fantasies within the first few weeks of dating, or prior to committing to you—he is not looking for a relationship; he is looking to have fun, and feeling you out to find out just how far he can get you to go. Don’t fall for it. And don’t let him get anything on video. Just saying.
3. He makes excuses for or flat out says “no” to family gatherings, work events or social gatherings with your closest friends - He doesn't want to attend, because he doesn’t want to give the wrong idea about his allegiance to you to any of the important people in your life. Ironically in this case, he’s doing you a favor; his not attending will save you from being embarrassed for not realizing what becomes immediately and glaringly obvious to everyone else, and from having the awkward “what happened to so and so?” conversation later on.
4. He does anything other than CALL you to acknowledge your birthday and other holidays - A man who values you and sees you as relationship potential will properly acknowledge occasions that are special to you. He will not tweet, text, FB or bbm you (especially not including you in a broadcast bbm message! Getting one of these on a holiday means your level of importance to him is about on par with that of his old college professor whose number he never deleted out of his phone.) If you are important to him, he will call. Period. Anything additional will be a bonus and show that he continued to think about you.
5. He fails to do anything with you for your birthday or the holidays - Even if there's no gift exchange, he will give you his time if you are important to him. Even if holidays are not a big deal to him, he will extend himself for you.
6. He talks about making a date, but never makes one - If he consistently sends messages that he wants to see you and is going to make a date--but never actually does, he is trying to keep you hanging on. This is in case he decides he does want to see you or sleep with you in the future (whenever he's not with whatever other women he's seeing). His desire is to make sure you remain open to it. It's kind of like sticking your foot in the front door right before you leave your apartment, just to make sure there isn't anything else inside that you want or need before the door locks behind you and you can't just walk right back in. There’s less effort that way, right?
7. You’ve been to his home several times and never seen the entire place - If you have been to a man’s home and only seen the kitchen, bathroom and his bedroom (unless he lives in a studio or a one-bedroom), you may not have a future with him. It seems like such a small thing, but a man who is interested in pursuing a relationship with you will include you in the little things too. He'll give you a tour of his home because (1) it’s the polite thing to do when you have a guest—so if he’s already thrown common courtesies out the window, well… (2) he wants you to know what he's all about or (3) he wants you to be impressed by the smell of rich mahogany and his many leather-bound books. Whatever the reason, if you’re getting escorted from the front door to the bedroom and back to the sidewalk, with maybe a glass of water in-between; I think you know what kind of situation you’ve got on your hands.
These are general signs, and by no means is it an exhaustive list; there will always be other idiosyncrasies that are unique to the personality of the individual. So it is no longer enough to just beware of him only calling or texting you during "booty call" hours; serial daters have learned to use more subtle tactics to keep you around for as long as possible without giving you what you want. There are also exceptions to every rule; it's just important to pay attention to everything the man you're dating is doing and saying to be sure those things are aligned with each other--and in line with what you want to result from your interaction with him. The bottom line though, is that if a man wants a relationship with you, he will make it crystal clear. If you’re not sure, ask. If you’re still unclear--buy a shiny new lip gloss, hit the gym or visit the nail salon; do whatever you need to do to look and feel your best so you can move on to snag another potential bf.
KJ
KJ pens fashion, beauty and lifestyle articles on her personal blog, Chic Mommy, Cool Kid; and co-authors a women’s empowerment blog, Peace Love and Pretty Things. She is also our fabulous editor here at Friends Don't Let Friends.
Get Ready, It's Almost Cuffin' Season!!!!!!
Situation:
The time has come for singles everywhere who are looking for a winter boo thang to start scouting because it’s almost CUFFIN SEASON: the time of year when there are only a few more weeks left of summer, and those looking to have a bedmate for the winter months start to get to work!
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| Let's Twork it Out! |
He Says:
It’s that time of year. You know—the time of year when it’s not hot outside anymore and all the skeezers start putting most of their clothes back on. It’s the time of the year we call ‘Cuffin Season’. Men and women, young and old, begin to search for that partner that will keep their time occupied during the cold nights when they are not trying to go out to the club and pick up jawns. The days of cookouts, rooftop parties at the W, and sporadic trips to Miami are now coming to an end. It is time to prep yourself for when jump-offs turn to boo’s and baby making season begins. Even the most independent man or woman might participate in Cuffin Season. It just takes hold of you and causes you to make some very rash, impromptu decisions that the summer time heat would have kept you from making.
It all stems from a single premise---black people hate the cold. Ninety-five percent of negroes only go on ski trips to get drunk and smash. So when it starts to get cold, ninjas look for a snuggle buddy to get them through the colder months. I can relate because in the past, I have spent a few summers prepping for the winter months in this same manner.
Winter is when the thirstiest of jawns come out of the woodwork because they’ve been left out of the summer lineups. You see, most ninjas build up their clientele in the summer months, to see which jawn will give them the most financial and sexual perks in the winter months. And this is men and women alike. Let’s not forget, Cuffin Season does encompass some gift giving holidays. Cold weather can make the worst negro seem like the hottest thing on the block--as long as they got something to give you under the sheets or under the tree.
Nevertheless, please remember, all these young men and women you will call your Boo over the next few months will probably not be around for the summer of 2012. These seasons are in constant rotation. So when it’s cold and you are sitting up under those sheets, make sure to remember that this may not be permanent. I am tired of seeing all these Bebe’s kids get created from Cuffin Season cave sex. Just ‘cause its cold and he or she says they loves you---doesn’t mean that it’s time to procreate. Take joy in the warm bodies during the months of coldness, but people let’s be smart. Wrap it up and remember that the summer will be here soon enough. Before you know it, you will be back in Miami, or at Kappa or Que conclave picking up the next round of jump-offs. In the words of the famous Eric Williams---”Ya Dig!”
K
She Says:
As much as I don’t want to, it is almost time to say ‘adios’ to summer 2011 and usher in the next season. No, no! Not fall, but Cuffin Season! That’s right ladies and gents, the time of year is coming where people are on the prowl to see which man and/or woman will make their way out of the hot dog line from the cookout to the satin sheets of their beds.
Within the next few weeks, you’ll notice that most singles begin to look for a “special” someone who will help take of the chill off winter!!! I personally have a lot of single friends out there, who are starting the official hunt for Cuffin Season. I feel like it is my duty to help us single ladies out with a few tips on picking a suitable winter boo. It is imperative not to lose sight of some important factors that will come in handy during those cold winter months.
1. He Ain’t Ya Man! -- Ladies, if your interaction with this person will occur mainly between Labor Day and let’s say….around President’s Day--maybe even St. Patrick’s day--then he isn’t your man. He’s just a f*ck buddy.
2. He Must Have Good D*ck Game – This is a must ladies! The d*ck must be tested prior to the unofficial start of Cuffin Season. This still gives you time to find a suitable replacement. I mean, how incredibly wack would it be to wait until October 15th to sleep with your new friend, only to find out that the d*ck game is WEAK! TRAGEDY! *Nicki Minaj voice* It’s gone be a long winter boo boo!
3. Be Sure He Can Shovel – You are probably reading this like: “Shovel, A? Really?” Trust me, it makes sense. In Bmore last year, we had two blizzards in one week. Let’s just say that if you invite your new piece over before the storm, you have someone to shovel the snow -- because he has to be able to get himself out in order to go home. Am I right or am I right?
4. Keep Ya Purse in Ya Sight – Don’t laugh! You think that because you invite this person into your home to have sex with you that he won’t steal from you! WRONG WRONG! Ladies, the Maryland Judiciary Case Search site (or your respective state’s court search, and this page should be bookmarked if you are dating) is your best friend, check them out before you invite them into your home. Identity theft, stolen wallets, and missing debit cards are not cool around Christmas time!
Hopefully these tips get you off to the right start in your selection process. If you have more tips for those in the hunt, leave a comment. In the meantime, still flirt; drop it like it’s hot at every all white party, rooftop party, or cookout you attend. Happy Hunting!!!!!!!
A