Deal Breakers in Diapers?!

Situation:  Every now and then we receive topic requests, and recently one in particular has kept coming up – DATING PEOPLE WITH KIDS!  *grabs fork and knife* We are ready to go in!

She Says:

*scratches forehead*

Let me first put my info out there: I do not have kids, nor do I want kids anytime soon for the following reasons: they suck money out of everything; I am not married; a kid would impose huge restrictions and cause a major loss of freedom during my 20s life; I am not married; they suck the money out of everything (I am aware that I’d already stated the last two—so you understand how strongly I feel about them).  Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s get to my thoughts!

Nowadays, it is extremely rare to find someone who is single and on the dating scene, yet does not have children. More often than not I am asked “How many kids do you have?” Though, I think the more appropriate question to be posed should be “Do you have any children?” There is an automatic assumption that everyone has kids, and that should not be assumed; it’s not true.  There are some single girls out there who are not baby mommas. Would I prefer to date a kid-less bachelor? OF COURSE!  However, am I strictly opposed to dating someone with kids? NO!

My preference to date men without children is rooted in the fact that there is one less layer to go through. I don’t want to have to deal with any complicated family situations or baby mommas. For example, I definitely could not see myself dating a man with three kids by five women. Frankly, it says to me that you are irresponsible in making your life choices--unless that was your goal all along and you will obviously still get a side eye from me. 

I once went on a date and I asked the gentleman if he had any kids. His response – “Yea I have two kids, but you don’t have to worry about them. I don’t see them on the regular.” O_O Excuse me sir, what did you just say? That response was so gut wrenching that it quickly canceled any chance he had with me. Gentlemen, it is not an acceptable dating technique to openly--and almost proudly--admit that you are a deadbeat dad. On the flip side, if you do have children and you are an amazing, loving father--that speaks very highly of your character, and should be a good sign for any woman who chooses to date you.

So, in a nutshell, from my point-of-view, having  one or more kids is not a deal breaker, but it is not a preference either…

A

He Says:

*scratches bald head*

A and I are best friends for a reason.  I am not interested in having kids either.  I love kids when I can give them back.  I want to get married, but I also want to be able to have a tad bit of freedom in my life.  Having a child would definitely put a roadblock in my financial and social freedom.

With that being said, I think I would be open to dating someone with a child.  But I would be so restrictive about everything that it may not make sense to even waste the woman’s time.  I am very picky to begin with.  Having a child will cause me to be even more anal about any and everything that this jawn would have going on in her life.  Unfortunately, in this day, when you meet a single woman there is a good chance that she has a child or children.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not knocking any young lady out there who has a child, but there would have to be some ground rules set before I freely date you (smashing is a different story right?)

For me there are some things that allow a woman with kids to get the deuces.  First, ladies do not allow your children to ruin your life to the point that you lose your sexiness.  I was once being entertained by an older lady that had a little 3 year old son.  The kid was a cute little terror to say the least.  Also, ladies, if you are trying to keep a man in your life, don’t invite him to your house if you can’t keep your ish clean.  I never want to walk into someone’s house and have to trip over toys and step over dirty tightey whiteys.  At the end of the day, your child should be a reflection of you---not vice versa.  I don’t want to deal with a woman that can’t control their child.  If you can’t handle your child you can’t handle yourself.  That’s my thought and I’m sticking to it.

Secondly, ladies if you have not fully separated yourself emotionally and sexually from the father of your child, don't bring that junk up in here.  I'm not really interested in dealing with your drama, your kid’s drama, and some other man’s drama.  Most women end up smashing the father of their child even after they have finished dealing with each other.  I know a woman who still smashes her “baby daddy”.  Problem is, the child is now 25 and she has been married for 19 years.  Like really jawn, at some point you got to give it up!  Being emotionally tied to a child is one thing; but being emotionally tied to the situation that created that child is unacceptable in my book. 

For me, if I have a choice I am not going to go and seek a woman with a child.  And unfortunately, if you have a child, most men are going to smash you and never look to move the relationship to the next level.  (Thought to self: if I am ever out on the dating scene, I’ll stick to the cougars.  They got a little extra money saved up and their kids have hopefully already finished college.  That way, I don't have to worry about the extra drama from the child and I can get all the yams I want!)           

K