Black Folks and Their Damn Religion!

 Situation:

Hopefully we do not lose any readers with this post. It is filled with topics most people do not discuss with friends -- Blacks, Religions, God, Church, etc... Just read below!

Indeed!

 She Says:

Blacks and religion…Blacks and religion…Blacks and religion… This is a tough topic, and I have conflicting thoughts about it, so it’s difficult to know where to begin. However, when all else fails, it’s best to draw on personal experience, so I’ll apply this to my life.

Oftentimes, I feel like I am being judged by church-going Black people when I openly admit that I probably haven’t attended a church service since Easter 2010. The only reason I attended then was because my elderly and recuperating grandparents were going back to their service for the 1st time in months and they asked me to go. I recognize that there is nothing worse than a “holiday Christian” – you know the ones you only see on Easter, Mother’s Day, Christmas and the 7:30pm NYE service (lol)--so please don’t label me one of those based on this instance.

Do I believe in God? Yes!

Do I have faith? Yes!

Do I have anything against attending church? NO!

Do I believe that you have to go to church every Sunday in order to be a good Christian? NO!

I feel that you can have a great relationship with your Savior without being a frequent attendee of church. It is my belief that church is for fellowship.

Yesterday, I was having a conversation with a few people, who I felt all tried to demonize me for poor church attendance. It was quite disheartening, and the potential of facing more attitudes like theirs definitely didn’t do anything to sell me on attending any time soon. I feel like many religious people, regardless of race, often have blinders on that affect their ability to think critically about the alternate position to theirs. Said blinders are also often accompanied by judgmental tones and the combination can turn people off.

There is hypocrisy in religion itself—including the church’s stance on homosexuality, pre-marital sex, and other taboo topics--that can also be off-putting. While I do not have a degree in theology or divinity, this is the opinion that I have developed based on personal experience; I won’t go into further detail in order to avoid any potential attacks by those with opposing opinions. Suffice it to say, however, I am not in agreeance with religion where these topics are concerned.

Ultimately, it is my wish is that more Christians would be mindful of their tones when talking to those who share different ideologies than they do; it would potentially aid in both parties gaining a mutual understanding. But I digress. I am curious to know what opinions some of our readers have on religion, whether you are uber-religious or atheist. If you disagree that is okay. I just hope you can express your thoughts sans the judgment I feel I receive by a large number of Black people when I admit my “ugly truth.”

A

 

He Says:

I want to preface this by saying that I love God.  I have been raised in the church and still attend church on a regular basis.  This is a very touchy subject, and we might lose some readers for this.  But I love y’all none the less. 

Real talk, a lot of church folk get on my damn nerves!  Church folk have to be the most conniving, gossiping, backstabbing people I’ve ever seen.  Have you ever sat around a table of church folk to eat a chicken dinner?  Nine times out of 10, these people will start going in on Sister Martha or Deacon Jones.  It amazes me how so many of the conversations among church folk are based around the analysis and verbal destruction of their fellow church folk.  I even reflect on my own family.  We have dinner every single Sunday, and every Sunday someone is talking about so and so at the church and how they looked a mess or did something crazy. 

I think one area where the church fails is in the promotion of honesty between Christians.  Why do we feel the need to dissect an individual every time we seen them, when in fact, we have been presented with an opportunity to help them grow?  If it bothers you so much that Sis Johnson’s skirt was too short, tell her instead of running and talking about her right after service is over.  I’m sure none of our readers partake in these activities---but the lack of honesty in the church is one area that is contributing to its demise.  We have to learn to be honest with ourselves and others before we will ever be able to grow as a people in God.

Besides the phoniness and dishonesty, many Black church goers are slightly self-deluded. They cite sources outside themselves as explanations for negative acts they’ve committed or unfortunate things that have occurred in their lives. We can’t blame the devil for every wrong in our lives.  If you go out tomorrow and cheat on your girl---don’t get back in your car and justify it by saying the devil made you do it (Yes, I’ve actually heard this said many times). 

Additionally, there is a common belief among this community that the church will bring one out of his or her darkest moments without any effort on their part.  I have been raised in church for many years and have heard many of the same people ask God repeatedly for the same things.  It seems that what these folk fail to realize or accept is that God has given us all free will.  An assumption is made that if you ask God to do it, he will make sure that your blessing is given to you.  This is not quite true as asking is only half of the equation. The remainder lies in something called “work”.  This is when an individual puts in time and effort to see the things they desire come to fruition. 

For example---I have consistently heard folk ask God for their financial blessing, and then watched them sit aside and wait.  They even ask God to help them hit the Lotto (shout out to my Pop-Pop) to avoid working for additional financial gain.  Don’t get me wrong---God is all powerful.  But God is not just going to give you a house or get you off crack because you asked, unless you do your part as well. 

We have to be willing to put in the work and effort to create change in our lives.  Just because a preacher sits in front of you every Sunday, doesn’t mean his words are sprinkled with fairy dust that will cause your life to magically change.  Make your own sacrifices, put in your own work, and watch God bless the work that you have put in. 

K

Who Run This Motha? Apparently Beyoncé?!

Situation: It’s here! The 2011 moment we have been dreading – we are on the brink of Beyonce season! *sobs* (There’s really not much left to say, except…)

At least the artwork for the single is dope!

She Says:

I knew it was coming. I felt it in my bones – Beyonce was coming back and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. Let me get this out of the way before all of the Beyonce stans label me a ‘hater’ because I criticize their beloved: Beyonce is beautiful, talented, skinny, light skinned, rich, married, and accomplished. I never deny these things about her – EVER!

And now that we’ve covered that, I’m free to go in! Beyonce’s new single, Girls, dropped this week and you would have thought Jesus had come back to earth to save us from the rapture. The song is mediocre at best, save for the beat and that isn’t even original to this track. Just like all of Beyonce’s recent songs, I cannot say that I don’t like it because I am sure after the ridiculous amount of airplay both the video and song will receive, I will be forced to. With all Beyonce songs you have no choice but to like them after they’ve been drilled into your head.

In my opinion, it seems that Beyonce is getting progressively lazy in her approach to song choices and lyrical content. She has reached a level where she can put out mediocre music and still hit platinum status because of her stans. However, this song, in terms of quality, would be better suited for Ciara or Keri Hilson; yet if either of them had released it, this single would have quickly been labeled as trash! I’m just saying…let’s be real here; it’s disheartening because Beyonce has the ability to make a classic album with lyrical content and vocals worth commenting on, but instead she releases this crap.

Lastly, it just always turns me off that a Beyonce single mysteriously drops when her “sister” Kelly is back on the scene. It just seems a little odd to me that Queen Bey cannot allow anyone to have a flourishing career—not even her former group mate/ sister/ friend. If we were to compare the songs, there is no competition -- Motivation is the better.

A

P.S – I listened to Girls on repeat while I wrote this, and by the last note I’d caught myself nodding my head! The vicious attack of Beyonce season has begun…

He Says:
The AUDACITY of this jawn! Who does she think she is? Better yet--does she think we are stupid? Beyonce has once again flooded the urban music market with a piss poor use of her vocal talent. Yes, I did say PISS POOR. This new song “Girls Run the World” is an embarrassment for someone with that much talent. Beyonce can blow. But she has continually put out underwhelming tracks and albums for her cult-like fans. And she must have put up a lot of money; because if I was Major Lazers, there is no way those rudimentary lyrics would ever touch my production.

After driving to work and hearing the trash for the first time, I thought it would be a good idea to test the power of Bey. I went into work and asked four black female co-workers if they knew there was a new Beyonce track out. All of them looked at me in shock—you’d have thought I told them I saw Jesus physically lowering gas prices. One woman even proceeded to tell me the story of how she had previously driven up the east coast to see Beyonce in six different cities! Each woman, within 30 minutes of my initial question, had sent an email saying that “the track was hot” or “Bey is back!” Since I consider myself a smart man, I know the one thing you don’t do is argue with a member of the Holy Temple of Bey. So I decided not to respond with any ignorant comments for my personal safety. I was even told on twitter that my comments about Bey might get me un-followed and/or my car keyed. C’mon people!

So for you ladies and gentle-ladies that worship Beyonce on a regular basis, let me breakdown exactly what she is doing. In basketball, there is something called the “Heat Check”. This is when a shooter thinks they are able to hit any shot on the court. They proceed to shoot a ridiculous and unwarranted shot just because they think everything they throw up will go in the basket. This is exactly what Beyonce has done with this song---and actually what she did with her last album as well. She knows that any and everything she puts out will be flocked to by all of her worshippers. So she throws out a piece of sh*t song, just to check to see how hot she is. Now don’t get me wrong---many major artists do this often, including Michael Jackson with his “Blood on the Dance Floor” disaster (#ripMJ --addition courtesy of A, lol); and Prince deciding to change his name to a dumb ass symbol. But this is the time that people need to stand up and put an end to this. Don’t go around saying how hot this song is, because you damn sure know it isn’t. If you do, we will all have to suffer thru many more summers of Beyonce’s trash for years to come!

K

Get Ya Ass Out of the Trash!

Situation:

We are both at a loss at how to frame this situation, so we will simply label it a CAUTIONARY post for all of the single ladies. Avoid these men at all costs! You deserve better! :) 

Talk to the hand!

 

She Says:

A few of our female readers felt that we had been going pretty hard on the women in recent posts. I thought perhaps they could be right, and welcomed this chance to call out triflin’ ass men! Here is my list of “ain’t about nothing men”. Enjoy!

Mr. Perpetually Broke – Let me distinguish this guy from the man who came up on hard times due to the recession and lacks money for necessities. Mr. Perpetually Broke is quite different. He claims to never have any money, but always has the newest Jordans. He claims to never have any money but somehow is always poppin’ bottles in the club. He needs to learn the word “PRIORITIES!”

Mr. Sponge – Drop Mr. Sponge into any situation and he will suck it dry. He preys on the insecurities and desperation of women to get all of his desires fulfilled. Should he need a new watch, he calls Wanda. Should he need $200, he calls Sharon. You get the point.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf – Every time you turn around there is drama with this guy. With every phone call or text you just know that he will be recounting another sad story. “Oh Baby, I’ve been shot.” “Baby, my mans n ‘em got beef and I gotta go handle that.” There is literally always some catastrophic, earth-shifting event occurring in this man’s life. His way of life is entirely too draining to comprehend, or support. NEXT!

Mr. ‘I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me’ - …and I have no privacy! (Related sidebar, I will never understand how the late great MJ ended up singing background for Rockwell. But I digress.  RIP MJ!) Anyhoo, you have all met the guy who keeps such good tabs on you that he should be your assistant, and managing your calendar. It is one thing to show interest in what I am doing, but it is quite another to be completely creepy and possessive about it.  Showing up unexpectedly at my doctor’s office, home, place of employment, place of worship--or anywhere that I didn’t tell you to meet me--will quickly get you on restraining order status.

The Self-Proclaimed Beast in the Bedroom – He is one of THE worst offenders. We have all met the guy who brags about how he’s gonna beat it up, lay it down, flip ya sideways, make ya momma sing, and have you crying at the feet of Jesus. Then the magical moment arrives, and you find it is over before you can get your panties off. You go back home trying to convince yourself that bad sex doesn’t really count against your “magic number”. Fellas, do yourself a favor: don’t write a check that ya Johnson can’t cash.

Mr. Willfully Unemployed – Again, this is not directed as those men affected by the economy. This is directed at those men who always have a hustle, each lasting for three months or less before they are on to the next thing. How is it that you flip houses, but you are listed on the Maryland Judiciary Case Search site with four foreclosures in your name? Please do explain how you own or manage a pre-owned car lot, yet you don’t have even a bicycle of your own. Sir, I suggest you visit Indeed.com and find a J-O-B!

Mr. ‘What Had Happened Was…’ – Ladies, have you ever talked to a guy, had him set up plans to go out,  then you don’t hear from him for a week? Eventually he’ll call or text you with some excuse, apologize profusely, and set up a new date. Then you’ll discover there was no point in his setting the new date because a week later he calls with another tired excuse. Mr. ‘What Had Happened Was…’ please go that way!!!

The Consummate Baby Daddy -- This man has 5 kids with 3.5 women. Do I even need to explain why you should run the other way? No, it isn’t because children suck the life and money out of everything; it is because this man fails to practice safe sex. He consistently has unprotected sex with multiple women that results in childbirth, yet never seems to learn his lesson. Oy vey!

A

He Says:

Since most of my friends happen to be female, I hear story after story about how ninjas aren’t sh*t, and how women are tired of men that can’t fulfill their most simple of desires. Unfortunately, I can’t give a personal account of why this is because I am not a brother who falls into that demographic. I find that most women want to ultimately get a nut, and to feel loved (with the exception of A---who needs gifts as well); yet, a lot of ninjas can’t even fulfill those fundamental needs. In my opinion, it’s about time that women come up with a solution to this issue instead of complaining about it. So I present to you my personal solution on their behalf.

Most people want to crucify me when I tell them this, but it’s time for Black women to start dating White men!   To clarify, I don’t mean the relationship where the hood Black woman dates the faux hood White man that looks like Paul Wall. I am speaking to the instance where a professional Black woman seeks a professional White man, as opposed to another “ain’t sh*t ninja” like those mentioned above.

Unfortunately ladies, the numbers don’t lie. There is a large faction of Black men who ain’t sh*t and the ones that have positive things going for them are either taken or gay. To be honest, I don’t knock you for looking for love with a Black man; Black love is a beautiful thing. But I’m frustrated with continuously seeing Black women give their love to undeserving ninjas only to have it backfire. So my position on the subject is one for progressive change.

One of my best friends consistently spews crap about being terrified of “the pink penis”. But I will pose the question here that I often ask her: Would you rather have a Black dude with no interest in progressing educationally, professionally, or spiritually? Or would you rather have someone that will love you and give you consistent sex—despite having a lighter pigmented penis? I’m just asking.

Though my opinion may not be the popular one, I believe that at the end of the day Black women deserve happiness. And if Black men aren’t giving you what you need, you may want to explore... um, pinker pastures--and that young White man who may be more deserving of your love.

K