Moving the F#@k On!!

She Says:

Ladies when you have had enough of a guy, what is the first thing you do? Well, maybe not the first thing... I mean, you do have to remove his existence from your Facebook Newsfeed first. But I digress; you grab your cell phone, open up your contact list and scroll through until you find his name. There it is. You stare at his name one last time and you hit delete. There, it’s done – the hardest thing you’ve had to do in your relationship. The ceremonial removal of the cell phone contact is pretty significant in the downfall of the relationship. It means that the guy’s presence is no longer welcomed in one’s life. The sheer presence of his contact info in your cell phone is just too much to bear; every trace of his presence has to be gone. The extraction of contact info from your phone assists in abating the urges to text, call, or send spicy pictures. Though contact deletion is a simple act, it is a necessary one. Once your mind has comprehended this action, it can then start drafting and circulating the memo to your heart--but more importantly, to your va-jay-jay. The memo simply states: “This fool is no longer good enough to be in your phone, so why in the hell is he still good enough to take up space in your heart and va-jay-jay? Let’s all move on. Love, Me.”     

He Says:

Ladies…REALLY??  You deal with a guy for months—sometimes years--having conversations, cooking him dinner, and smushing him on a regular basis (Sorry I‘m in the process of watching Jersey Shore while typing).   One day you wake up and have the revelation: “This guy is not worth my time”.  You have willingly offered--and sometimes actually given--every part of your emotional, spiritual, and physical being.   All your girls have told you to move on, but you pushed off the inevitable split for as long as possible.  Then something finally clicks in your head, making you realize that your time and effort is not cherished by him.  So you decide to move on.  And what is the most creative way you can think of to move on?  YOU DELETE HIS NUMBER!  Do you really think this is the start of your emotional attachment to this man being broken?  Well let me break it to you: IT DOES NOTHING!  Because if that man was to send a text or call you, you might ignore him for a day--or maybe a few days--but eventually the emotional insanity will kick in and you will respond.

For future reference, please don’t use this dumb tactic anymore.  If you want to leave a guy alone, communicate this with him.  And not in your Sammi Sweetheart voice either.  Be blunt and honest.  Tell this man he is not fulfilling your needs on every level.  Sometimes being rude not only enforces the point to him; it re-enforces the idea in your head as well.  Don’t waste your time by deleting his number, and then ending up sexting him 3 days later.  If it is time to move on don’t tease yourself; bring it to fruition.