May 1, 2011

She Says:

K slept through history last night—just wanted to put that out there that. I g-chatted and texted him, and he did not respond to either; this was at 10:30pm, by the way. After a long while without a response, I finally remembered that he is the Chair, Co-founder, and President of the Old Man Brigade; so he was definitely asleep. LOL



An Intense Moment for the Obama Administration



We Say:

Anyway, as we should all know by now, President Obama announced last night that Osama bin Laden was killed by US forces. The announcement of this momentous event has provided closure for the horrific events that transpired on September 11, 2001. As we head toward the 10th anniversary of 9/11 we must be even more mindful and vigilant than ever. Despite the fact that the figurehead for Al Qaeda is now dead, the ideologies still live on.

We at FDLF have to express pride in the Obama Administration being the one that gets to take credit for the capture of Osama bin Laden. And in a perfect world, this would be the accomplishment that silences his doubters and naysayers.

It’s weird…We never thought we would witness so many ground breaking moments at such a young age. Last night’s announcement will definitely be another story to tell our grandkids!

A & K

Single Black Woman Syndrome

Situation: 

Before you judge this post, please know it is not another of the many statistic-ridden horror stories you’ve seen in the media that waxes on about the plight of black women who can’t find love. This one is more personalized and will focus on our lovely AB. AB is a beautiful Black woman with a great job and a banging personality!  So why is she still single?  Is it that ninjas ain’t sh*t---or could AB be doing something to push eligible men away? It's time for us to attack this dilemma in signature FDLF fashion.

Lol!!!

She Says:

I have been dreading this day…the day that KG would want me to address my “singleness.” I know that that he is going to go in on me. I can feel it in my bones! *deep sigh*

So, to the question: Why am I single? I probably ask myself this once a week, though usually for all the wrong reasons. At this moment, I would have to say that I really only want a boyfriend for consistent sex and gifts! Lol--hey at least I am honest. *shrugs* However, the real answer is that my singleness is probably a combination of my issues and the selection of men out there.

I’ll address my own issues first. I have major “daddy issues” that have, in turn, caused me to be extra hard on men, and quick to write people off when I feel wronged. It takes a lot for me to trust people and it’s extremely difficult for me to open up. To my credit, I have been doing a lot better in this area in the past year. But overall, my preference remains to be happy by myself, rather than dealing with nonsense in an unhappy relationship; I don’t have the patience for the latter.

Now to address the “ninjas ain’t sh*t” theory:  I will not say that men aren’t sh*t. That is not true--though some come pretty damn close to proving the theory. It would seem, however, that many men are coming to the table with a mediocre ass hand of cards, and drawing women that have a damn Full House. And I think men can get overwhelmed by all of their options. Why settle down when you can date multiple eligible women at the same time? Men have the luxury of actually dating several people at once, where women are often left dating one only guy at a time. After all, it is a pure numbers game out here. In every major city there are far more eligible women than there are men.

Regarding my personal expectations, I don’t have extremely high ones.  All I really ask is that you do what you say you are going to do, don’t beat on me, don’t cheat on me, don’t do drugs, don’t lie, don’t smoke, please don’t have kids (not a deal breaker though), and please don’t have a prison record or pending charges.

Is that too much to ask for?

A

He Says:

First I need to set the stage for this: AB is like my sister, so I feel like I can say anything about anything to her. We have that kind of relationship.

With that being said, AB is single because of AB! Nothing more, nothing less. AB has everything going for her, and pulls men on the regular. But AB has a couple of things inbred in her that are causing her to have an inability to fully commit. First of all, AB is too damn picky. I understand that women have the right to have a type for their dream man, but there comes a point where you can’t push away a man with potential—especially not based on one thing they’re missing, or have done wrong. Maybe my perspective is skewed as I’m on the outside looking in, but as a positive and intelligent (read: “good”) Black man, I have to be honest in pointing to this as a problem that I see with a lot of Black women. The mentality is that you “deserve” perfection (because that exists *insert sarcasm here*), when the reality is that in this day and age you need to be satisfied with a good man who has the potential to be great. Yet these are the men that unfortunately, both AB--and some of her single counterparts--push away.

I know that deep down, AB wants love. She wants the happiness and stability that come with having someone in her life that cares for her. Still, there’s a block buried somewhere inside of her that won’t let her allow someone to fully get “in”. She uses that cover that she only wants sex and gifts as a smokescreen for her deeper problem of not wanting to open up. Honestly, a lot of this has to do with her “Daddy” issues, but I believe that not being fully emotionally separated from her past long-term relationship also plays a part. AB invested a lot emotionally in said relationship--which was, quite frankly, the epitome of love, and an accurate picture of what emotional vulnerability between two people looks like. Though she was an absolutely great girlfriend, timing did not allow the relationship to last. AB was deep in love, and sometimes it takes a while to fall out of love; it sounds cliché, but it’s the truth.

AB has not come to the point where she will allow someone access to her core because of the fear of abandonment. It is always safer to close yourself up and build a surface level relationship with someone in the event that they are to leave you. AB has to realize that she won’t find fulfillment within herself, nor will another loving man come along, until she is able to trust again. That’s what it’s going to take for her to find the true happiness in a relationship that she wants---and definitely deserves.

P.S. Love you Sis!

K

She Says:

WOW! *looks around and slowly backs out of the room*

So You Just Realized You Are the Side Chick

Situation:
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and you were hoping to spend the evening in the most romantic, blissful place with your man, boo, or whoever. Instead it was 10pm and you were sitting alone at home watching TV without a call, text, email, or smoke signal from your “love.”
 

She Says:
Let me preface this by saying that Valentine’s Day is not a fav holiday of mine, but I am not a bitter single girl about it either. If you care to know my personal thoughts on the day, then click here to read. Now let’s get to the matter at hand!

Awww, you poor dummy thing! You thought you were going to spend Valentine’s Day with your “man,” but instead you were sitting at home by yourself.  This is the biggest red flag ever!!! If you are not spending your special day with the man you love, like, or want to be with--it is because he is most likely spending it with someone else, or it’s quite possible that he just did not want to spend the day with you. He is probably doing all the things you wanted to do with the woman that he really loves. I don’t mean to be so blunt but some women just need to hear it. So when he calls you sometime late tonight (but let’s be real—he is more likely to text you) don’t fall for his words. Take heed to the lesson that you learned last night. You were sitting there alone and angry, with your face beat to death, titties sitting up high, fancy underwear on and smelling of your new Rhi Rhi perfume.  While that’s great and all, please remember: YOU WERE ALONE.  Let’s recapture that feeling you had at 11:07pm when you gave up hope of spending Valentine’s Day with your boo…DON’T RESPOND TO THE TEXT! On to the next one, well unless you are okay with being the side chick, then do you!

A

He Says:
I feel bad for the women who think they are a priority, when they are really just a “jawn”.  A lot of women, even though most will deny it, consider Valentine’s Day to be a more important holiday than Baby Jesus’ Birthday.  Even though this is a crazy way of thinking, it’s a consistent one on an annual basis for many women. Nevertheless, I believe there are two main ways for you to figure out whether or not you are number one in your man’s life.  He will express his plans for you as one of two personalities: I like to call them the “Day Before Lover” and the “Late Night Lover”. 

The “Day Before Lover” is quite smooth with his game. He tells you he has to work on Valentine ’s Day or that he makes dinner for his Mama every year on Valentine’s Day.  Regardless of the excuse, he will find a way to get out of spending time with you on the actual holiday.  You believe these lies because you don’t think that a man would spend any time with you on this day if you weren’t his number one;  oh contraire young lady---if you’ve bought his excuse, you have just been played.   If you live in the same state as your man, and he makes time for you on any day other than the actual day---quite frankly he is spending that day with his wife, girlfriend or boyfriend (don’t look confused like you didn’t know) and that person is his real number one.

The “Late Night Lover” is not trying to be smooth at all.  He is giving you every sign that you are a jump-off.  But you are so excited that you are getting some V-Day cuddy that you fail to take note of the fact that he is coming to your house at 11:30 at night.  C’MON Son!  I saw eight men in line last night at Walgreen’s buying up the last bit of nasty a$$ candy and singing teddy bears.  As with these others, your man has already taken his main woman out for a nice dinner at the Golden Corral, and now he is coming to get his fix from you---THE JAWN.  No man, unless he doesn’t get off work until 11:00 at night, is going to be satisfied with spending only the last half hour of Valentine’s Day with a woman he truly cares about. 

It is my hope that you are now clear on your relationship status: you are the jump-off (a.k.a. random jawn, the side piece, side chick, number two…you get the point).  You can now either accept your role proudly or move on; because your chances of being number one are slim to none. 

K

Moving the F#@k On!!

She Says:

Ladies when you have had enough of a guy, what is the first thing you do? Well, maybe not the first thing... I mean, you do have to remove his existence from your Facebook Newsfeed first. But I digress; you grab your cell phone, open up your contact list and scroll through until you find his name. There it is. You stare at his name one last time and you hit delete. There, it’s done – the hardest thing you’ve had to do in your relationship. The ceremonial removal of the cell phone contact is pretty significant in the downfall of the relationship. It means that the guy’s presence is no longer welcomed in one’s life. The sheer presence of his contact info in your cell phone is just too much to bear; every trace of his presence has to be gone. The extraction of contact info from your phone assists in abating the urges to text, call, or send spicy pictures. Though contact deletion is a simple act, it is a necessary one. Once your mind has comprehended this action, it can then start drafting and circulating the memo to your heart--but more importantly, to your va-jay-jay. The memo simply states: “This fool is no longer good enough to be in your phone, so why in the hell is he still good enough to take up space in your heart and va-jay-jay? Let’s all move on. Love, Me.”     

He Says:

Ladies…REALLY??  You deal with a guy for months—sometimes years--having conversations, cooking him dinner, and smushing him on a regular basis (Sorry I‘m in the process of watching Jersey Shore while typing).   One day you wake up and have the revelation: “This guy is not worth my time”.  You have willingly offered--and sometimes actually given--every part of your emotional, spiritual, and physical being.   All your girls have told you to move on, but you pushed off the inevitable split for as long as possible.  Then something finally clicks in your head, making you realize that your time and effort is not cherished by him.  So you decide to move on.  And what is the most creative way you can think of to move on?  YOU DELETE HIS NUMBER!  Do you really think this is the start of your emotional attachment to this man being broken?  Well let me break it to you: IT DOES NOTHING!  Because if that man was to send a text or call you, you might ignore him for a day--or maybe a few days--but eventually the emotional insanity will kick in and you will respond.

For future reference, please don’t use this dumb tactic anymore.  If you want to leave a guy alone, communicate this with him.  And not in your Sammi Sweetheart voice either.  Be blunt and honest.  Tell this man he is not fulfilling your needs on every level.  Sometimes being rude not only enforces the point to him; it re-enforces the idea in your head as well.  Don’t waste your time by deleting his number, and then ending up sexting him 3 days later.  If it is time to move on don’t tease yourself; bring it to fruition.