It happens all the time. The statistics are astounding. Every second 2,000 women receive communication from their exes, just as they are getting comfortable with the next guy. (No, that is not the actual statistic, but you get the point.)
I am always amazed at the uncanny ability of the male species to always pop back up just when you are moving on with someone else in your life. You are spending time with your new guy, laughing at his jokes, flirting uncontrollably, gushing about him to your friends, holed up in his brownstone in NY--and then, all of a sudden, here come the ghosts of boyfriends past. Like clockwork you start to receive random telegraphs, text messages, Morse code signals, phone calls, tweets, FB messages, and smoke signals. Every single time the possibility exists that you might be happy with the next dude, ex boyfriends, boos, ex smangers--or whatever-- start falling out the sky, bringing with them profound confessions of love and admiration for you. EXCUSE ME SIR, PLEASE GO THAT WAY! =======>Yes, all the way over there!
I want to know how they know that you are happy with someone else. I really want/need to know this because the timing of the reappearance of ex boyfriends, boos, ex smangers--or whatever--is more accurately timed than Bin Laden’s killing. It is my theory (and I really believe it to be true) that when you engage in physical contact with men they implant a homing device in you, and that when there is a “threat” that may compromise their position with their “girl” it triggers an alarm. When the alarm is activated, it then transmits radio waves or some other form of alert that simply states “DANGER: P*SSY ON THE MOVE.”
Stop laughing and think about it. It makes logical sense. Men have a small window of opportunity to resurface in this woman’s life before the deed to the p*ssy is transferred to the new guy. So the random telegraph, text message, Morse code signal, phone call, tweet, FB message, or smoke signal is the last ditch effort to claim stake as a joint tenant of the p*ssy. Makes sense don’t it?!
This is one of life’s great mysteries. How can men sense they have lost their p*ssy privileges? The world may never know.
Every woman has an innate gift that is called “The Woman’s Intuition”. This instinct allows a woman to feel it internally when a ninja is doing something wrong. It is a beautiful quality that, oddly enough, usually gives women the correct notions about male behavior.
Please allow me to explain how men have a more powerful and deadly intuition that, though not as widely recognized, has been messing up the lives of women young and old for years. I like to call it simply, “The Cheeks Intuition”. It is that feeling that a guy gets when he is on the verge of losing the hold on the cakes to another dude. Ladies, we are not stalking you and we normally don’t know when you are even dealing with another ninja. There is a trigger inside of us that tells us when the cheeks are about to be annihilated by someone else. And being the true ninjas that we are, we will seek to destroy any chances that this other brother might have of getting on smash time. Every man has this instinct and, unfortunately, most will act on it; normally initiating it through the use of the random text.
There are two types of approaches to re-claiming the cheeks. With the first approach, the dude will come hard at you. He will try to see you, and smash you within the first week of this feeling gripping him. He will not take the chance that he might lose “ownership” of the cheeks. (And yes ladies I did say ownership. Most dudes, once they smash multiple times, feel that those cheeks are theirs for life. It is a messed up reality, but it is reality nonetheless.) His hope is that if he works the cheeks well enough, you will forget about giving it up to this other dude, and that he will still have ties to you. With the second approach, the dude will be a silent killer. This guy is the gentleman. He will reach out and have meaningful conversations with you; act as though he cares about your well being and happiness with the new guy; and connect with you emotionally on the things that you feel you are missing. All the while, he is breaking down your guard and waiting for the perfect storm of emotional vulnerability. Then, and only then, will he pounce and snatch the cheeks!
There are many outcomes that can come to fruition as a result of a man’s experiencing The Cheeks Intuition; the majority of which end up causing confusion, stress and pain for the young lady involved. But at the conclusion the young lad is proud, for he has used his prowess to grab hold of the cheeks one mo’ time.
Recently, our hometown of Baltimore received negative national attention– AGAIN! The latest Baltimore feature was the video of a brawl in a McDonald’s restaurant, where two teenage girls beat a transgender woman until she went into seizures; the video quickly went viral. Though the recent events that have plagued Baltimore are horrific, Baltimore is still a great big little city!
Yet again, Baltimore is in the national spotlight for awful reasons, adding to the growing stigma of Baltimore as an unsafe city. It is extremely disheartening that Baltimore is always portrayed in this fashion and rarely highlighted for anything positive. Baltimore has a lot of charm that very often gets overlooked in favor of showcasing its gritty alter ego. Baltimore is more than beating s, drugs, and the Inner Harbor. Let me tell you how:
1. Crabs -- Where else can you get steamed crabs, soft shell crabs, and crab cakes both easily and cost effectively? I would be willing to wager that a crab cake from the local carryout is better than those in some 4 or 5 star restaurants in other cities. One of the best ways to spend the summers in Bmore is to grab a few friends, head to the harbor, sip beer and eat freshly steamed blue crabs on the dock!
2. Free Festivals – I know many cities host free festivals. However the charm of Baltimore’s summer festivals is that they are ethnic in focus: African-American, Polish, Greek, Hispanic, Caribbean, and more. Often these events feature major national recording artists as entertainment. In addition to those that are ethnically themed, you can also attend events like Artscape and the Baltimore Book festival. (I can’t wait for summer!)
3. Great Neighborhoods – Baltimore has many quirky and fun neighborhoods like Canton, Hampden, Mount Vernon, and Fells Point. Venturing out in these neighborhoods is a nice weekend activity due to all the cool eateries and boutiques. However – beware that you don’t go too far out of the boundary of the neighborhood. In Baltimore, you are just 3 blocks away from the hood at all times!
Another thing you’ll note once you venture into Baltimore’s neighborhoods and communities, and interact with their inhabitants, is the rivalry that perpetually exists between those residing on the East Side vs. those that live on the West Side. There is no competition in my mind, of course—the west side is better. If I am going to hike over to the east side, then I might as well keep going up 95 and head to Philly!
4. Lexington Market – Ohh there is nothing on earth that compares to the World Famous Lexington Market. I don’t even think that I can fully describe the atmosphere, but let me try. You can get one of the best crab cakes on earth at Faidley’s, then venture outside and watch crack head magic tricks. You will see a crack head, as high as a kite, do a lean better than MJ himself (#ripMJ), all while holding their jumbo half and half—never falling or spilling one drop of their beverage. Oh, and there’s no need to be afraid of this phenomenon; the Lexington Market crack head is a peaceful creature.
Baltimore truly is a great city when the weather is warm :). Now, if only someone could provide stable nightlife for the city! *deep sigh*
I love my city. There is something beautiful about being able to still be proud of a town that is best known for murders, STDs, and good Heroin. But alas, I will tell you about three of the wonderful things I most enjoy about my city:
1. Baltimore Club Music - Club music is the staple sound of Bmore culture; it is the sound of the people in this city. I remember being a little kid and sneaking my headphones into my room so I could listen to Frank Ski mix during the late night shift on V-103FM. Over the years, our music has spread outside of Baltimore, and up and down the east coast, but it remains native to us. One note of caution: make sure to watch out if you are in the club when it comes on. There’s a possibility you may get elbowed, stabbed or impregnated. (R.I.P Miss Tony and K-Swift.)
2. Norma Jean’s/Eldorado’s - I know some of you folks in upper class urban cities like Atlanta think y’all have the best “skrippers”, but there is nothing in the world like seeing a mother “butter ball” naked on the pole. I would venture to say that Baltimore might have the most amazing looking strippers on the east coast. Not to mention the unique excitement of knowing you’re going into an establishment where you will most certainly see a woman fully tatted, with fresh stretch marks and gold teeth; only in my city can you look this way and still get enough money to support 4 kids!
3. Korean Fried Chicken - I know, I know--some of you folks believe that the best fried chicken is from Popeye’s or KFC. But, being the fried chicken connoisseur that I am, I have to let you know (and this may be shocking) that you have not had the best fried chicken until you have been to a hood establishment in this here great city of Baltimore. My Korean brothers and sisters have truly mastered the delicate art of frying the chicken wang. Head on over to Royal’s in The Village, or down to Super’s at Lexington Market and Mrs. Kim will bless you with the best fried chicken of your life!
Baltimore is, in fact, a wonderful place for family and friends to enjoy each other. From the outside it may not seem that our city has much to offer, but there is so much here to enjoy. Now that you know where to go and what to do, buy your bullet proof vest and condoms, then head out and enjoy my city. And remember, eat the crabs--don’t let the crabs eat you!
P.S. This blog post was brought to you by the fine people at Jesus Christ Bail Bonds. Enjoy the video below! :)
K slept through history last night—just wanted to put that out there that. I g-chatted and texted him, and he did not respond to either; this was at 10:30pm, by the way. After a long while without a response, I finally remembered that he is the Chair, Co-founder, and President of the Old Man Brigade; so he was definitely asleep. LOL
|An Intense Moment for the Obama Administration|
Anyway, as we should all know by now, President Obama announced last night that Osama bin Laden was killed by US forces. The announcement of this momentous event has provided closure for the horrific events that transpired on September 11, 2001. As we head toward the 10th anniversary of 9/11 we must be even more mindful and vigilant than ever. Despite the fact that the figurehead for Al Qaeda is now dead, the ideologies still live on.
We at FDLF have to express pride in the Obama Administration being the one that gets to take credit for the capture of Osama bin Laden. And in a perfect world, this would be the accomplishment that silences his doubters and naysayers.
It’s weird…We never thought we would witness so many ground breaking moments at such a young age. Last night’s announcement will definitely be another story to tell our grandkids!
A & K
A & K